Hands Down pants!!!!!!!!!!?

[daycarewhisperer]

Ironic for someone who has 'never seen this in 32 years' and a claim it is not normal childhood behavior despite glaring medical research in the early years field to the contrary and on accredited sites such as research hospitals .... now all of a sudden you are flipping to have a good enough grasp of the progression masturbation might take and the need to nip it in the bud before it becomes a 'problem' like humping furniture .... so which is it this is something you have never seen and it is not normal or this is documented enough in childhood to have 'progressions' :rolleye:

And while I agree that it is your home and your rules and that there is a time and a place for it ... so if you want to send the message to the child that is something you do AT HOME fine and dandy ~ just saying make sure the PARENT is a part of the solution and that you are CAREFUL in how you are portraying the message to the child as to why they should not do it 'at your home' to keep their sexuality in tact cause while it might not be 'your cup of tea' it is their innate human nature to 'enjoy' touching that area of the body and we have to also respect that!

Okay so I'll take your word for it that it's normal. It doesn't matter either way. If the provider doesn't like it they don't have to host it. Plain and simple. We don't have to serve every childhood normal behavior. It's our house and our rules and if we don't want a kid with their hands down their pants then we can just say no to THAT behavior. No need to talk to the kid or explain that it can or can't be done here or there. Just block it and be done with it. Simple clothing fix.

I don't host fixations I don't like. I definitely do not want my three year old or four year old kids going home and telling thier parents that another kid is putting hand down or rubbing their private area during nap. Bad for public relations regardless of whether or not it is normal or not. This is a GROUP of kids and the child is in PUBLIC when they are in that group.

No need to debate whether or not it's normal. I personally don't think it is but it doesn't matter either way. Only question is "do you offer that service" or do you not? I don't offer that service here. I want the kids to keep their hands out of their pants. That's the service I feel comfortable offering.

[daycarewhisperer]

And while I agree that it is your home and your rules and that there is a time and a place for it ... so if you want to send the message to the child that is something you do AT HOME fine and dandy ~ just saying make sure the PARENT is a part of the solution and that you are CAREFUL in how you are portraying the message to the child as to why they should not do it 'at your home' to keep their sexuality in tact cause while it might not be 'your cup of tea' it is their innate human nature to 'enjoy' touching that area of the body and we have to also respect that!

I would NOT discuss this with the child and say this is something you do at home. I didn't suggest that. I wouldn't discuss it at all. I would just block and go about my merry way. I don't think I would talk to the parent about it much either unless they brought it up. I would just let them know that I put a blanket sleeper or footed jammies or whatever block that fits for any child that puts their hands in their diaper area at nap. Doesn't matter to me why the kid is doing it.

I adore simple. I live for simple. I would find a simple solution and go about the business of taking care of the group.

[daycarewhisperer]

I have to disagree that this is normal. I've been caring for kids for 32 years and I've never seen it. My suggestion is to stop talking about it and start blocking it. Put her in a pair of backwards footed pajamas every day all day long until she learns to cope without doing it. If she wears a size three pajamas then buy her a pair of size four. Put them on her backwards where the zipper is up the back. Just rotate the feet forward and zip them up. The one size up will give you the extra material you need to rotate the feet forward. She needs TIME where every day she can get thru the day without comforting herself THAT way. My rule of thumb is that if it bugs me it's not okay. I trust my gut and I don't like ANY kind of fixation so I don't do fixation behavior. I don't like it so I block it. I don't really put any energy into whether it's normal or not. I go by how it makes ME feel. If it tweaks my sensibilities then I know to stop it. Trust your gut.

[kidlove]

daycarewhisperer: thankyou so much for your post reply, that is the exact response I was looking for and a great idea to boot. Although I do understand what the others are saying re: exploring your body is a natural experience all people try at one point or another, my view is right there with you. there is something un-nerving about knowing a child is doing something I am not comfortable with in my home behind a closed door. If the parent lets it happen at home thats fine but I have set standards and feel its only right to stick to how it makes me feel. (not to mention the parent agrees with me on this one and would like very much to work together to give this child a better choice of comfort) she does wear the zip up sleeper and sometimes the parents will pin it at the top so she cant unzip, if they dont she unzips and goes for it. The mother and i both agree (as you said) that if we can break the habit, (block her) for a period of time the habit will break. I will def try the zipper backwards, great idea. not to mention the weather IS getting cooler, def wont hurt to have that warm pj on. thanks so much.

[sunnydays]

Reggio...thank you for having the courage to post such personal experiences...I am so sorry that you had to endure such terrible things as a child. I believe you are right and I thank you for reminding us all that we write on the walls of who these kids are every day....everything we say and do has an effect of some kind and we should all stop and think about this every day and try to do our best to make sure we are having a postive effect. I also have a child in my daycare who likes to put his hands or blanket under him when he sleeps and who also rubs himself against things at times and although it does make me feel uncomfortable, I have never said anything to him about it as I figure it isn't my place and he is just experimenting. I have grappled with it though as I never wanted his parents to think he learned it somehow from daycare! I think that was my main concern! However, i certainly wouldn't want to shame a child for soing what feels good to them...I do believe they do it for this reason and they do not think of it in the same way as adults do at all...to them it is the same as any other thing that gives pleasure or feels good...children don't have the inhibitions adults have.

[kidlove]

Thanks daycarewhisperer. I do believe exactly what you said "if it doesnt stop I could have a "humper"". I dont think ANY childs exploration is unnatural, a child has an "inoccence" because they know no better! It is up to us, the smarter of the two to show them...some things they choose to do may not be the right choice. I do believe you can re-direct a child out of a "bad habit" like touching themself in a positive and un hurting way. I believe firmly that if you allow a small action to take place you are opening a giant window for the BIG stuff that will evolve from it. It is human nature to start little and soon "little" is not enough. Bigger,bigger and bigger. I dont think this child has any other idea but "comfort" right now, but in 6 months sshe may begin exploring farther, another six monthes farther and before you know it she very well could be experimenting way too far beyond her understanding. We cant allow children to go along doing as they please all the time, that is similar to saying: "Johnny is just exploring" when he climbs to the top of the balcony and jumps (we are protecting him and teaching him, by stopping him) It is the same reason I took the playhouse away when I found out the kids were "smooching" on the cheek in there....first comes the cheeck smooch, then....? and after that....? I will do whatever it takes to protect these children from "growing up too fast" or getting involved in too much they cant understand. Thats just how I feel. I go with my instincts when raising these kids and my own and there are times I get a "red flag"...I wouldn't be doing my job if I ignore it!

[Crayola kiddies]

Well it is a "natural act" and everybody has done it at some point in their life and if you say you haven't ... Well.... Your not telling the truth..... Now while I wouldn't allow a child to sit on my couch or lay in the middle of my play room and pleasure themselves but what they do in the playpen by themselves while going to sleep is up to them. Now I believe soothers and thumb sucking are vile habits but I have one child that sucks her thumb and plays with her hair while going to sleep .... Should I tie her hands behind her back?

[kidlove]

okay crayola kiddies, that is a silly comparison, does the child have a butt on her head? no dont tie her hand behind her back if she touches her hair. I think I am again done with this post, I started the post for a simple "idea" to help me cope with an "issue" that I chose not to have take place in MY daycare. I did not intend for it to open a debate on what is or isnt proper behavior, I think ONCE AGAIN something has been "twisted" to create some kind of "frustration" here...that was not my intent for the post, just needed simple advice from those who might feel the same way I do regarding a small childs "bad" habit. (IMO only) it is silly to see where this has headed. thankyou for the good advice, and the backup from those who feel the same way I do, and good luck to those who dont. thank you thank you thank you!!!!

[Yarnlover]

I am grateful for the points Reggio has made about how our actions, everything we say and do, with our daycare kids can have impacts that we can't even imagine. While this is something we are all aware of I am sure, in the context of this conversation the point has really given me pause to think.
I have been known to lightheartedly say "oh stinky" at diaper change time with my own daughter. She thinks it's funny and will say it too. I have heard the opinion that we shouldn't say that so the kids don't feel bad about pooping, or feel it is yucky or gross. I always looked at it from the point of view that I don't want to raise a kid who thinks her "s@*t don't stink" so to speak, and thought the whole idea was sort of silly.
While I in no way make fun of, or shame my daughter, Reggio's points about sending the message about privates being "dirty" from a sexuality point of view was something I hadn't even considered. I really want to thank her for sharing her story.