What to do when NOTHING is working?!

[Daycare123]

Hey everyone-I really need some advice. One of my dck is defying me at every turn and nothing is working! I have tried taking toys and privileges away, timeouts, reward system but none of it makes any difference! I understand that he is almost 2 and part of it is just the age-but I am spending my entire day disciplining Not to mention I have a newborn baby of my own that needs my me to be attentive and this is just taking away fro that I am so frustrated. Oh and did I mention a new child just started a month ago-this older child is setting a bad example.

Please help

[playfelt]

Not a lot of advice but google how to deal with sibling rivalry because that is basically what this is. The child is getting your attention - negative attention is just as satisfying to them as positive - by acting out. The new baby and the new daycare child has confused the child in terms of knowing where they stand in the group.

You might have success doing the shadow method where she "helps" you take care of the baby and new daycare child fetching things, passing out things, helping - find me baby's soother, etc.

If you had this child since he was a baby he has known nothing else but you and now these other kids are coming between you. If there was an activity the two of you used to do before the new distractions see if you can find time to do it again to help show that he is still important and life did not change as much as he fears.

[kidlove]

what is this "trouble" child doing? what is his personality like? I might be able to give you a pointer or two if I knew a little more about him...some kids are just trouble, some kids are to rough, some might have hyper issues, or lack of attention span. nearly two is tough, he may just need a few more months and then he'll be ready to listen well and process more. whats he like?

[Daycare123]

kidlove-this child has been in my care for a year not this behaviour is new. It is just generally not listening. If I say don't do A-he does A.

[Mamma_Mia]

sound like a form of "sibling rivalry" to me too...

my 3yr old dcg acted out when the new baby 8mos old started care here...typical crying out for attention situation. I made sure to encourage her to be part of the babies routine. Like asking her which toys does she thing baby would want to play with or what blanket should we use. I would even say "hummm....baby is crying, I wonder what we can give her to suck on that will make her feel better" dcg with wide eyes would run and get the paci and she felt like SHE was the best helper ever. Oh and when baby was sleeping I made sure to spend some one-on-one time with 3yr old to make her know I'm still here for her.

Good Luck!

[Momof4]

My motto is that the parents and I have to be using the same discipline system and wording to be consistent so that the child learns at daycare and at home. If the parents work with me so the child learns quickly I keep working no matter how frustrated I become. I tell the parents that I will always tell them what I'm seeing in the group setting and ask if they have it happening at home and ask them how they are dealing with it and I will take their lead. That way I'm not insulting their parenting skills.

It does take a LOT of work sometimes. If the parents wave me off and the behaviour doesn't improve I'm banging my head on the wall and I have to give up. I actually tell parents this is how I operate at the interview stage. The trick is to only sign on the great families who will help you as every phase in a child's life arises. It's exhausting, but worth it to put in the hard work to help a child learn to be a really great person!

[Inspired by Reggio]

kidlove-this child has been in my care for a year not this behaviour is new. It is just generally not listening. If I say don't do A-he does A.

IME part of the challenge at this age is that their little brains are wired 'literally' and when processing information they often do not 'hear' the negatively phrased directions just the 'direction' .... so when we say 'no jumping on the couch or no hitting' and so forth all they hear is 'jumping on the couch' or 'hitting'.

My advice would be to try instead focusing on what you want him to do ... wording it simple .... feet stay on the floor, hands to yourself, toys go in the bucket or whatever it is he 'should' be doing that he is not doing ~ see if that helps.

I also agree that children often react to 'newbies' in the daycare either your own new babe or a new daycare babe just like a 'sibling' would ~ so definitely looking for tips online about dealing with sibling rivalry and how to flip the child to feeling 'good' about the new addition ... I have success with assigning them 'big helper' tasks that make them feel important as well as making sure that I still set aside some snuggle times.

[Daycare123]

Thanks Everyone!

Well, this afternoon I approached things a bit differently and would say, "can you help me and put that toy on the shelf?' Then follow it up by saying by saying "wow, you are a great helper-I think you should get a sticker!" So it seemed to help quite a bit of a difference even from this morning!

Reggio-That makes a lot of sense to me