How do you handle this? (Once again, really long)

[Littledragon]

Kids are messy, right? They get paint on their pants, jam on their shirts and dirt between their toes. When I first accept a child into my care, I send home a supply list for all the things they will need at care (hat, sippie cup, CHANGE OF CLOTHES...). This change of clothes is for emergencies only. For example: if a child pees through their diaper, a child gets sick all over himself, a sippie cup accidentally opens and spills all over them, ect. I have a little boy who is drooling like you wouldn't beleive due to teething, so I do change his shirts often (or take it off all together).

However, I don't change their clothes if they get a little bit of paint, if their shirt gets a bit of food on it, or if they get a little dirty. My kids ALWAYS have clean hands and faces. I never take a child out of their highchair unless their hands, faces and tray are clean. I wipe down their shirts and pants for left over food and will use a wipe if there is a drop of something on their shirt, but I don't change them.

So, one of the things I discussed with *psycho* mom was that she felt her son was always coming home dirty. I, myself, cannot think of a time that he was exceptionally dirty. Her exact words were, "I expect to pick him up in the same shape as when we dropped him off, I don't think that's an unfair request."

I always had it in my mind that babies are dirty. And there have been times that I have sent kids home with some raspberry juice on their shirt, but I always apologize when that happens, and I have never had a parent say anything about it, but now I am second guessing myself. Should I be sending the kids home clean? Should I be changing them before mom and dad come to pick them up?

When mom picked him today, she asked for the extra clothes. This is like a major issue for her. I tried to explain to her that those clothes are for emergencies, they're not for everyday use. She said she was planning on supplying a bag with an extra change of clothes everyday, but she wanted to take the other clothes with her. I don't understand her issue. (In the beginning, I mentioned to her that he wouldn't eat his lunch so she brought him a lunch and I put it in the freezer on the off chance that he absolutely refused to eat it. Two weeks later, mom asked if she could take it home. I thought it was really weird, and was confused about why she wanted to take 2 week old frozen food home, but I let it go. Now it seems to be almost the same thing with the clothes). I didn't want to argue over something so trivial, so I gave her the clothes. But she sort of "got away" with going against my rules.

Anyways, I'm a little peeved about it, but I'm really resentful with her, and the pick ups are already uncomfortable as they are. I'm just not going to make a big deal out if it, and if his second pair of clothes gets dirty, I won't be making a fuss about it. He WON'T be getting any of my son's clothes. (I've done this in the past and never got them back).

Anyways, (as always I probably made this longer than it needed to be), what do you think about this?

[Toregone]

Kids get dirty. I try and avoid super messes (ie taking the messy eater out of her white shirt before we eat spaghetti) but extra clothes are just for emergencies. I make sure the childrens noses are wipes, hands and face are clean, and they have a clean bum before pick up as I want them to look thier best. Whatever mess happens to be on thier clothes... well that's life. Deal with it, it just proves I fed them and did activities with them

[playfelt]

I do use bibs at the table for all kids up to age 3 so food goes on their trays and in the pocket of the bib rather than the floor - assuming most of it goes into the mouth. But yes changes of clothes are for the exact reasons you said - emergencies. IF she wants to bring some clothes for every day fine BUT she must still leave something at the daycare for emergencies per the rules. It's the same with soothers or shoes coming every day. There is bound to be a day it gets forgotten or not replenished and there are too small pants or two tops and no bottoms or whatever.

[Crayola kiddies]

She's just showing you who's in charge .... Maybe one day she'll forget the change of clothes and that will be the day he soaks thru his clothes and he will have to go home naked ; )

[Littledragon]

She's just showing you who's in charge .... Maybe one day she'll forget the change of clothes and that will be the day he soaks thru his clothes and he will have to go home naked ; )

Dad drops him off everyday and forgets everything! That's going to be the day that he pees through his diaper lol I don't know what to do though. I can't communicate with her by email because she takes everything I say and twists it. She won't speak to me in person, she never says anything when she picks him up, doesn't say bye. I am thinking about talking to the dad. He's SUPER reasonable and really nice, and has even admitted to me that she can be a bit of a psycho (no doubt why he's excited for her to leave). I just don't want her to find out about it and flip out even more. I wish I wasn't so worried about money. I would just provoke her tomorrow and when she throws a fit, tell her not to bring him back the next day. Should I email the dad? I guess if she finds out and flips out, I could just tell her to f**k off and not come the next day.

[KingstonMom]

First of all, there is no amount of money worth being treated like that in your own home!!
She is sooo just trying to be in control. I would NOT email the dad, just keep as much infor between you and the person doing thje drop off or pick ups.
If they dont bring a clean change of clothing then oh well, if the kid gets dirty or wet then happily hand him off to mom or dad and tell them that the next day, if no clean clothes are brought with him, then you will NOt be taking the kid. and MEAN it.

I use the spare set ONLY when kids get super dirty from mud or food spills or super wet from the backyard water barrel or whatever else might happen.
I sent a girl home in a white frippy lace skirt COVERED in sand. It was brown all over. Oh well, I think by not changing her before she went in the sandbox, and allowing her to get dirty, it was sending a message to the parents, that kids should come in PLAY CLOTHES! I dont feel bad one bit about them getting dirty from playing!!
Dont fret about every little spill and food that is on their shirts, s**t happens. they can suck it up.
LOL!!
Let us know how tmrw goes! maybe it should be a spaghetti lunch and fingerpainting day if they dont bring a change of clothes!! hehe

[Crayola kiddies]

Do you realize this chick has you tip toeing around your own house and second guessing yourself??? Who's business is this again??? Oh ya it's yours!!! Take back control !!

[Momof4]

Oh good grief, another micromanager Mom, which of course means she doesn't trust anybody with her child or think that anyone will do as good a job as she can. So why doesn't she stay home and care for her own child? I'm getting tired of these Moms. It is your business, your rules, your activities, your fun with the children and so very, very much WORK! Parents who don't appreciate how hard it is to keep 5 children in routines, patterns, learning, playing, all the things we do with them to teach them and have fun with them really don't get our job.

The parents I accept in my daycare know that we have fun and that means getting dirty. I forget bibs half the time because I'm so busy. We play in mud and with playdo and finger paints and being messy with food is fun. My daycare is F.U.N.! Thankfully, I've never had a parent complain about messes and I remind them every autumn that when they buy winter items they should be dark coloured because sometimes there is mud under the snow. I would not put up with this kind of attitude from a parent.

[kidlove]

You are having a "battle" of who's in charge! I am willing to bet that you are a very "controlling" personality. (as you should be to an extent because this is your home and business) BUT, so is she. I had a Mother just like this once, you will not win with her. Isnt she the one that is leaving soon? Dont even put up a fight, thats what she wants anyway, just give her everything she asks for and she will have no reason to get upset. Sounds like she wants controvercy, and REMEMBER? I told you, she is going to pick you apart for the next few weeks, watchinf everything you do and looking for mistakes, dont be surprised if she uses it against you in the end!!! Have a funny feeling things wont end well with this one...just give in and let her "think" she has control. It's a done deal, shes a psycho, and theres nothing you can do about it!
It may not even be about the clothes, its more her trying to point out to you, "that she is in control", just let her be, and be glad when they are gone! They are leaving right?

[Inspired by Reggio]

Oh I hate micro managers ~ if I wanted a 'boss' I would have stayed in the workforce instead of choosing to be self employed!!!!

One of the things I tell parents during the interview as well as in my parent handbook is that 'my philosophy is that you can tell how much fun a child had and what I served at meal time by how dirty they are at the end of the day ~ please do not send children to daycare in their Sunday best because it WILL get stained during explorations. I also do not want to make extra laundry for you so I do not change clothes unless they are WET or become dirty to the point where it would transfer to carpets or furniture otherwise I spot wipe any 'spills' and let them continue on. If you want your child's clothes changed more 'often' than that than please make sure you provide extra clothes in addition to the two sets of emergency clothes I request on my list of what to provide as those are for the wet/soiled with bodily fluid reasons not for just 'spotted some paint or wiped my hands on my shirt at lunch' scenarios.

This business is a learning curve for sure as you meet parents who have more varied values and expectations on what is 'normal' for child rearing .... this is one of the reasons why my parent handbook is gotten so long over the years cause I like to proactive address all these things in 'writing' as well as during interview so that they cannot say later they did not 'know' this was my practice and try to be pissy with me about something .... this way I do not have to deal with micro managers because I have already micro managed how things work here myself right down to ever little detail of the day