Vent/advice Oh the Drama!!

[Dreamalittledream]

Crayola's advice is great. I was also going to say that it's going to take months and months of adjusting for this little girl. Dream, I'm just so sorry that you feel so exhausted and drained from dealing with this family and I admire you for not even mentioning termination. Take care of yourself.

Thanks Momof4. Termination has never never entered my mind. I can't even imagine that effect on such a sensitive little girl who is already acing to adjust to such change.

[Crayola kiddies]

I think the best thing would be to try to keep excessively loud or repetitive noises to a minimum ... She is not used to life being so loud and it's everything that's loud not just voices, she's hearing some sounds for the first time ....I'm sure it's pretty scary for a two year old ... it takes a long time for her to learn to tune out certain noises. Maybe the hearing specialist can turn down the hearing aids for awhile and then gradually turn them up.

[playfelt]

Have the mom speak with the person that set up the hearing aids. When my mom got hers she went several times for adjustments - too loud gave her a headache and too soft well made them useless. If the hearing loss is profound they may need to start with smaller increments so that for the first couple months all she is doing is getting used to every little noise then they can increase and work oh helping her to filter out the noises so that she can pick out the important ones.

Can she have a pair of headphones to put on when she needs quiet. Doesn't need to be connected to anything and probably better that it is just for silence.

The speech therapist might also have some suggestions on how to limit her reactions to the noise. The standing on the head and head banging all make me think that she is literally trying to stop all the noises in her head.

She is now getting feedback from her voice too and all that she gets from that is more noise in her head. Notice she only talks when she absolutely has to as in you are addressing her directly.

If there is a way to deal with the tantrums differently it might lessen them. Time out is punishment and in a sense she did nothing wrong just tried to fight what was going on inside her as best she could. Instead of time out that is when she needs to get quiet space - the headphones, sitting in a cardboard box playhouse with a pretty door and window so it is a fun place, a pillow and blanket and a bin of toys behind the sofa or in a corner behind a chair or drape a quilt over a table and let her play in there coming out when she is ready. So instead of going to time out you would just say take your tantrum to a quiet place till you feel better and then steer her where you think it might help. Ideally instead of having the tantrum she would learn to go to her quiet space on her own.

[Crayola kiddies]

Playfelt is exactly right about hearing her own voice if her hearing loss is profound. Also the hearing aids will make her ears very itchy inside. There are so many little things to get used to with hearing aids .... Most people think " oh just get hearing aids and it's all good" really it is so much more complex then that and for a little 2 yr old that has no idea what's going on and why everybody is screaming ...... Before she use to go about here little life in semi silence and everything is so quiet and calm and now all hell has broken loose .... I like playfelts idea if giving her a quiet space where she can go when life gets too loud

[kidlove]

first of all, I thought she said "he hurt her arm"? her arm is not her ear. Sounds to me like she may be taking the extra attention the hearing aid has given her and is "running with it". I am a firm believer in "treating all kids the same" as long as there are no disabilities (like brain function, i.e. delays of any kind) that would hinder the childs understanding at her age level. Just because she has hearing aids doesnt mean she can be "tender" about the way a child touches her or approaches her. If she were my child I would do my best to make her feel as "normal" as possible, and that includes...not allowing her to throw fits! for whatever reason. I do understand giving her time to adjust, especially to the sounds of everything, however....allowing any child to use their "difference" to get away with complaining and throwing fits doesnt happen in my house. as they grow up they will learn to use those things that set them apart as an excuse or a crutch in life to help people "feel sorry" for them. Not a quality you want to nurture. JMO

[kidlove]

just finished reading your second response..do you think she could have delays of some sort? possible autism or something? is she adopted? if so, what type of situation was it? these can all play HUGE factors into the care she needs and the issues she is having. HMMM!?

[Dreamalittledream]

just finished reading your second response..do you think she could have delays of some sort? possible autism or something? is she adopted? if so, what type of situation was it? these can all play HUGE factors into the care she needs and the issues she is having. HMMM!?

My concern exactly. I've been doing some research over the wknd. And to me she displays a lot of Asperger's traits. Mom (who is a teacher) has had her seen by specialists...but perhaps as she is still so young tough to diagnose/treat? She is adopted (from Korea).

[kidlove]

OR....it could be more basic like, because she is adopted she tends to "get more of what she wants". Did you say the Mom is also having a hard time dealing? how does she react to the child in front of you? does she seem spoiled or "given in" to alot?

[Dreamalittledream]

OR....it could be more basic like, because she is adopted she tends to "get more of what she wants". Did you say the Mom is also having a hard time dealing? how does she react to the child in front of you? does she seem spoiled or "given in" to alot?

She is a totally different girl depending on which parent is with her. With Dad (who is laid back) she is happy, drops off perfectly, no issues. If Mom drops her off (rarely) or is the one picking her up (most often) she is a demon child in Mom's presence (& Mom says this behaviour goes on all the time at home). It's only with Mom..she can be happily playing, with her back to her...as soon as she sees her she's, screaming & crying. Mom does appear to me to be the one giving in "if you stop crying you will get .... (treat)" (my sense is Mom is just exhausted); whereas Dad pretty much ignores it or is firm.

[kidlove]

Given being "special" in so many ways (hearing aids/adopted) she knows it! And uses it, truely sounds to me like more than anything else (hearing issues/developemental issues) she may just know how to get what she wants out of certain people. I have a 2yr 8 mo old, who is adopted (and very loved) but has some learning delays (was quite neglected the first few months and has a little DNA issue or two maybe) but is VERY intelligent and will "take a mile" if you let her. At home as well as here, there are "no exceptions" she is smart enough to understand right from wrong but has a bit of a "stubborn streak" she attempts to "push" as far as you will let her (just as any other two year old) the way I see it is, she is just the same as any other 2 yr old, delay or not (within reason of course, but I expect her to do just about anything I expect of a just 2 yr old, which is pretty much the same as a 2 yr 8 mo old) when she mis-minds she is disciplined when she doesnt listen she is corrected and if she throws a fit, it's not tolerated. Otherwise she will never learn.