My little non-player

[gcj]

My own kids are finally both off to school The daycare is now mine...I'm finally my own boss....not my kids Here's the problem. My kids were great at entertaining the other younger kids. Most are able to amuse themselves nonetheless. However I have a little 4 year old guy (youngest of 4 at home) who is lost. I knew this would happen with him. He doesn't play on his own and doesn't lead the younger ones in play. Without a bigger kid telling him what to do in their games, he just sits on the steps and watches the younger ones. I need my big guy to step up! It'll be a loooooong year with him doing nothing. I show him stuff, give him ideas and nothing!
We do group activities, crafts, circle time throughout the day, but I am also a strong believer in free play. They need to be able to entertain themselves....but he just CAN'T and for some reason it bugs me. Any suggestions? Or do I just let him be....??

[mimi]

I had a little guy like that as well. Tried everything to engage him in solitary and group play when the older kids left for school to no avail. He was sweet and pleasant, but was content alot of the times to watch the other kids. It bugged me too, but when I saw he was otherwise happy and chatty I let it go though I still always made a point of inviting him to play. He eventually came around and joined in, but was always in the follower role.

[Inspired by Reggio]

.... Or do I just let him be....??

I would just let him be for a while ~ let him sit and watch the younger ones playing if that's what is his content to do ~ eventually without the older kids to lead him he will take up the slack and learn to 'entertain' himself again and take on that 'leadership role' with the other younger kids.

I have seen this happen over and over when the 'youngest' suddenly becomes they 'oldest' ... takes them sometime to adjust to the new role but they eventually get it and as Mimi mentioned he might never want to be the 'leader' but he will come and parallel play eventually and follow the lead of the other kids play or he will solitary play when he is ready if he does not want to do what the younger children do ... sometimes with children the more we 'worry' about them not doing something the more they resist what we are wanting them to do.

[gcj]

yeah, I guess so. Oddly, I feel guilty somehow when he's doing nothing. Like it's my job to "entertain" him. And while at times, I can lead, I really think they NEED time to do things on their own. I just feel bad sitting watching...it seems ok when everyone's busy and don't notice me...

[Momof4]

I had a group like that for a few years with an obvious leader in the pack directing the play and when he went to JK last year the boy left behind couldn't even use his own brain, I swear! He was 3 years old and was used to having the leader tell him what to play all day and it took months of him just sitting there like a lump and my encouragement before he learned that he was the oldest and able to choose the activities and play with anything he liked. But in the past year he made fantastic improvements before he just went off to JK too.