Discipline

[loads'o'kids]

I am a fairly new HDCP and I really value all the advice and tips I get on this forum. I need advice on discipline. I think I am too concerned with the kids liking me and having fun and wanting to come back, and I am hesitant to be firm with them. How do you strike a balance between being a nice HDCP and getting them to listen when they don't want to. I have a 3 year old that tests every rule. No I don't want to go to rest time. No I don't want to eat. No I don't want to share. No I don't want to sit quietly at the library. etc. etc. etc. What would you use as consequences and how would you deal with these behaviours. Thanks in advance for your input. I think I am a good provider generally but I worry alot about the kids liking me but I know they do need to learn to follow rules even if they don't understand them or want to follow them.

Julie's Home Daycare

[mimi]

It is important that the kids respect you, know that you care for them, are there for them and that you are consistent in your routine and rules. It is sometimes a tough balance. I know my kids like me, some even say they love me, yet they know I require their co-operation when asked. If a child refuses to do something I consider necessary I will get down to their level, speak in an even voice while I am holding both their hands in mine. I look them in the eye and tell them that listening is important and so is co-operation. I will then repeat what I need them to do and why and request that they do it now. If they still refuse, they will sit apart but not away from the others and I tell the child they may join us when they are willing to do what I told them to do. This works for the older children. The younger ones I redirect and look for another reason why they may be unco-operative eg tired, hungary etc. Hope this helps

[kidlove]

They will like you more if they respect you!!!!! they wont respect you unless you discipline when ness. just do what needs to be done, stick to a sched no variance....give rewards for following rules and always play with the kids, becoming a friend to them is important in their levels of trust. When I need to I get after them , they know my look...but they also know my hug, and they also know my laughter and smiles. Just be a MOM to them, they will love you!!!!

[Momof4]

I see too many people using their regular voice and expecting children to know they are in trouble or doing something wrong. How can they know unless we use a very strict voice and facial expression? Then they get it. You can't use the same voice for praise and for scolding. I see it all the time and it makes me shake my head. Poor kids. If you want 5 children to understand with a few words that it's time to listen, pay attention, walk somewhere, look out for danger, whatever the reason you need codes. I use a double hand clap when we are outside and 5 little faces pop up and look at me to see if it's time to go home or to the picnic blanket, etc. It works!

[Dreamalittledream]

If you want 5 children to understand with a few words that it's time to listen, pay attention, walk somewhere, look out for danger, whatever the reason you need codes. I use a double hand clap when we are outside and 5 little faces pop up and look at me to see if it's time to go home or to the picnic blanket, etc. It works!

. FANTASTIC idea!! Why did I not think of that??!!

[Momof4]

Dream, it's probably because of my experience with my 4 children and 5 grandchildren and you are a much newer Mommy! We all learn from trying things out and our elders. Now I'm going to get my dentures and walker and cane, haha, just kidding.

[Littledragon]

I don't have a whole lot of experience with this so I will just give you what I have experienced. Most of my kids are young, so it's a lot of no, no, no, no. And they don't care either way. They love conditionally at that age.
But, I do have a 2.5 year old and he's shy and sensitive. He doesn't like to get into trouble, and I think he gets embarrassed when he does. I've had him for two months, and I have never had to put him in a time out for something he's done on his own(I put him on a time out with another DCB because they got into some of my papers and ripped them up). Today, when I was getting the babies up from their naps, I came down and there was baby powder on the little change table I use. (It's a leather ottomon, really, the one in my living room. And it's put diagnolly so I can stash the diapers and stuff behind. Sometimes I catch the kids trying to get in there.) When I had come down, her was lying on his belly on the ottomon, his hands and face in the corner, obviously playing with something. He's a very good kid so I just said, you know you're not supposed to do that. So he got up and left. Then he went over to the play area and laid on his belly. When I went to change the babies, I saw the powder. I asked him if he was playing with it and he said no. I thought maybe it has been there before the nap and I just hadn't noticed it. My son liked to play with baby powder. So since I didn't have any proof, I let it go. Then I asked him to come see me for some reason (I can't remember) and he has baby powder all down the front of his shirt. I said, "Why is there baby powder on your shirt?" And his eyes were like "oh sh*t". I said "Didn't I ask you if you had been in the baby powder and you said no?" He didn't say anything. "Are you allowed to play with the baby powder?" Nothing. I toyed with the idea of just giving him a lecture, but I've noticed lately that as he's opening up, he's starting to do normal kid things that he didn't do before. I know that if I am not firm from square one, he will continue to do things, and push the envelope because he knows there aren't any consequences.

I told him he knew he was not supposed to play with it, and that he has to be truthful at all times. This is a conversation we've had before. So I told him he had to take a time out. He cried a bit in his time out, and after 2 minutes, when I went over to talk to him, he wouldn't look at me and kept trying to hide his face. I asked him firmly to look at me, and asked him why he was there. I asked him if he was allowed to play with the baby powder and asked him if it's OK to lie. He gave me all the right answers, so I took his hands and asked him to get up and then I gave him a big hug.

He still likes me I find the firmer you are, and the more discpline you give for behaviours they know are incorrect, the more they will like and respect you. Kids need boundries and consequences. It's almost like they crave it, it seems. Like they feel more in control of their environment when these things are in place.

I say, be firm, discipline when appropriate, but show affection when they are being good and make a point to give them compliments every now and then.

Good luck

[Momof4]

Well, I try not to use the word no, because my own children threw it back at me. No offence to anyone, but I try to use: 'Don't touch' or 'we don't touch that' or 'we don't do that' or 'we don't say that' or if worse comes to worse 'NO THANK YOU'!

I definitely agree with what Littledragon said about showing affeciotn when they are being good too and I read an article about 'specific praise' which I think is good advice. So don't just say 'good boy' or 'good job', but instead say, 'good boy for putting the toys away' or 'good job for putting on your shoes by yourself'.

[Dreamalittledream]

Well, I try not to use the word no, because my own children threw it back at me. No offence to anyone, but I try to use: 'Don't touch' or 'we don't touch that' or 'we don't do that' or 'we don't say that' or if worse comes to worse 'NO THANK YOU'!

I definitely agree with what Littledragon said about showing affeciotn when they are being good too and I read an article about 'specific praise' which I think is good advice. So don't just say 'good boy' or 'good job', but instead say, 'good boy for putting the toys away' or 'good job for putting on your shoes by yourself'.

Great point on 'specific praise', I also use 'specific correction/cause & effect'. Example "____ please don't climb up on that chair, you will fall down and hurt yourself". For some reason, it's just always been an automatic with me?

[kidlove]

I agree with "not using NO all the time" the only time that gets used, is literally to "scare' a child out of doing something wrong/dangerous. i.e. light fixtures, breakables and such. It's a loud and quick response to a very unsafe choice. Gets their attention "right away"!!