What to do - my child got hurt

[Starshine]

Oh, I am so mad!

My son and one of the after-school kids were playing this afternoon and while I was out of the room I heard a crash. I came out and my son was on the floor holding his chest and had the wind knocked out of him. Apparently the two boys were playing with a ball and trying to get it from one another. The other boy said he jumped up to grab it from my son and accidentally kicked him in the stomach. He landed on a toy and has three big scrapes on his back from that. It took him a couple minutes to catch his breath, and then he barely moved for the next 15 minutes, just sat on the floor like he was in shock or something.

So, I was not in the room when this happened, and the other kids were in the kitchen with me. So no one saw it happen. I asked my son if it was an accident and he said he thinks so, he doesn't think the boy meant to kick him. However, I find it kind of hard to imagine how someone accidentally kicks another person in the stomach when they are jumping up to get something.

This boy is rather rough, so it wouldn't surprise me if it wasn't an accident. In fact, I have been considering termination for him because of his behavior--rough play, doesn't listen very well, is disrespectful with some of the things he says to me and the other kids. So when this happened today, I thought, that's it, this kid is out of here. But I don't really know if he meant to do it.

Anyway, a couple of questions. First, should I be concerned about my son? Is there possibly any damage that could have happened when he got kicked in the stomach? Should I get him checked out or just keep an eye on him? And second, what do I do with this kid? I feel now that I have let my own child down. And I know I'm going to have to watch him like a hawk. He has only been here for two weeks, so I don't know if his behavior is going to improve, though it hasn't yet, and in fact seems to be getting worse. Would you terminate? If not, how would you deal with him?

[Momof4]

Bruises mean burst capillaries which are the smallest blood vessels and that happens when we bump into something as we all know, but cracked ribs and damage to internal organs is a fear when someone is hurt in the midsection. If it were my child I would lay him on the couch and gently move my hand around his stomach and chest area pushing lightly and ask him to tell me exactly where it hurts. That should give you an idea if you should worry or not. That's what the doctor would do, but of course they have the expertise to know if they feel something wrong.

As far as the violent boy I wouldn't take my eyes off him or let him into another room without me as you said, watch him like a hawk. Too bad there were no witnesses but catch him next time and I would definitely let the parents know about how this incident happened. Document it in your logbook or whatever system you use and keep records of incidents. If you need to send a warning letter to the parents that they need to work with their son on his anger management you will have everything in writing to cite to them.

I hope your son is ok!

[Sandbox Sally]

I'd take him to get checked out. A blow to the belly can cause damage that's not immediately apparent. Can't hurt.

It sucks that this kid hurt your son, and I know it angers you. I'd feel the same, but if the roles were reversed, you'd see it as more of an accident, I think. You don't know this boy well enough yet to really guess whether he'd do something so violent on purpose. I urge you to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I'd talk to both of them on Monday about rough play, and set some concrete consequences.

Good luck with your son. I hope he's ok.

[gcj]

Yeah. Rough play is absolutely zero tolerance around here. If he has a history of playing rough, he should have to be with you in the kitchen...or where ever the other kids are with you. Being left alone in a room is a privilege that must be earned by trustworthy behavior to avoid these situations.
I personally would keep an eye on your son before taking him to be checked...but only a mom can make that decision.
Good luck.

[kidlove]

How old are they? sounds like they are a little older. If this "rough" boy is anything over 2 years old...he should know better than to kick a person in the belly. Not to mention, knowing that he is a "rough player" i would also be concerned over his "intent" although you didn't see this happen, so of course you can't jump to conclusions, I am almost willing to bet this boy knew you were out of the room and knew exactly what he was doing. I have NO tolerance for "mean or rough" play...I have had parents tell me "oh that's just how boys play"...BULL! thats how MEAN boys play. Play should never involve "hurting" someone else, jumping on each other and kicking, is not play...it's voilence. Watch that boy and watch the way your son reacts to him, he very weel could be a little to rough, or just plain mean. Some kids like to hurt others, they like the reaction or power. I have a 4 year old who likes to intimidate other kids when "he thinks" i'm not watching, he will walk real close to them and stick out his chest and kind of bump into them, with a "nasty" look on his face. Little Creap! I ask him how he'd like someone to do that to him, (he is deep down quite tender) he of course says he wouldn't like it! So why do that to someone else? Hate to be so harsh, but kids by nature can behave quite "nasty". I say: watch him...if he portrays more angry outbursts or anyone else gets "hurt" while in play with him...let him go. Thats not anything you want in your house or done to YOUR child...we do this job to make life better for our kids. right? I don't like bullies, sounds like that might be what you have!

[gcj]

I couldn't agree more, kidlove. My son started kindergarten last year and kept coming home talking about hitting, kicking, etc....and HATING school. The teacher gave me the whole "that's how boys learn" so I went to the principal and got the same story! My son was 6 (we start K late in Quebec and his birthday was 5 days past deadline, so he started REALLY late) knew a whole lot and had never rough played in his life.....he has since switched schools!
I hate rough play!