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  1. #1
    Shy
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    Is this normal behaviour?

    I have been doing home daycare for a few months now and it has been going pretty smoothly. I find that my daycare kids behave better than my own kids because I am not "mom", just as my kids would be perfect angels for someone else. However, I just started with a 3 year old girl last week and she is a handful. I can only imagine how she must act at home. She tests me at every turn. She screams at the top of her lungs at library because she doesnt want to share the toys they put out for the kids. She refuses to use her manners. She refuses to eat. She screams at quiet time. I know she is testing me but I am wondering if this is normal behaviour or if something else is going on with her.

  2. #2
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    Might be 'normal' for her .... children behave inappropriately for lots of reasons but it is certainly socially unacceptable either way ~ what do the parents say about the behavior when you tell them? What are their expectations for her around these times of the day she is struggling - aka has she been expected to share, expected to lay quietly and so forth before coming to your program? How do they handle behavior at home?
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
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  3. #3
    Euphoric !
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    Hang in there, it'll get better. I've been doing this for many years and have encountered similar situations. She could be overwhelmed by the whole transition or she could just be checking you out to see how far she can push you. Though it may not be a popular philosophy by today's standards, but I believe in being resolute with boundaries and rules....in other words, I'm strict. There is no bending and I've found, even with difficult children, it always works itself out. Sometimes you have to change your approach with different children, but in the end, if the rules are strongly enforced, she will come around. I often don't take the kids out to different locations until a new one who's having trouble adjusting to the new setting has settled in. Then I add outings in slowly....to test the waters so to speak. And when she responds with appropriate behaviours, bring out the ticker tape and brass bands.....positive reinforcement all the way

    I also talk to the parents about the behaviour and explain my strategy for that child with them. Most times, parents are willing to reinforce this at home. Consistency between environments certainly helps loads.

    Good luck!

  4. #4
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    I would talk to her mom and ask if this is normal behavious and discuss a way to curb it. You can't have a little one disrupting your other kids. She needs to adjust to the daycare, and yes, she's testing you, but this is the time that you NEED to remain consistant and you and mom and dad need to construct a plan to make the trasition easier for everyone.

    I'm sorry you have to go through that. I know how rought it is. Good luck!

  5. #5
    Euphoric ! kidlove's Avatar
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    3 years is a typical time for "independence". This includes the terrific with the not so terrific! Children tend to want to go potty by themselves, put shoes and coats on by themselves, pour their own drinks and climb the jungle gym. All the while yelling "watch me!" "look what I can do!", this wonderful age of independence also comes with the not so terrifics! They all boil down to CONTROL! All children like to be in control but once they hit the "independence" stage, their control is much more obnoxious and obvious. I am willing to bet, she has ALOT of control at home. Parents will often tell you one thing, but if you watch their behavior one-on-one with the child, you see a totally different story. Sounds like she is a typical "mouthy" and controling little three year old girl. You just need to take away her control. It is dif to explain exactly what to do, it mixes with saying the right things to the child and having the right frame of mind, you need to "exude control" with children or they will suck you dry!!!!!! Have a firm, matter of fact voice and look when she behaves unacceptable....you just look right at her and say "this is not the way you will behave right now" (i always find if you tell a child what they WILL do rather than say "please tell him your sorry" or "dont do that it's not nice" instead you look sternly into their eyes (at their level) and say "you will tell him your sorry!" or "you will not do that, it's not nice". She may just think she is running things, just let her know she's not.

  6. #6
    Euphoric ! kidlove's Avatar
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    It also may help: Before you go into a public place, (like the library) you stop the entire group of kids right outside the door and let them know "what you expect inside" explain to all of them (with your stern voice and look ) that the library IS a quiet place, and they are all expected to follow the rules, listen, stay quiet and behave! I may also pick a "trouble child" and give them a "special task" while inside. " ________, I would really like you to help me find some super special books that me and you can read together later after nap." If this makes her excited...you also have some leverage while inside...."if you can't sit still, you will put your "special books" away!!

  7. #7
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    Thank you all for your advice. I think I know that I just have to stand firm and strong but sometimes by the end of the week this one really tires me out!! Today she ran away from me at the mall and said after "I just wanted to run away from you!"

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by loads'o'kids View Post
    Thank you all for your advice. I think I know that I just have to stand firm and strong but sometimes by the end of the week this one really tires me out!! Today she ran away from me at the mall and said after "I just wanted to run away from you!"
    Oh wow ~ ya not acceptable for the child to be taking off from the group specially at that age ~ she should have mastered simple safety rules by this point

    If I cannot trust a child to obey the safety rules we do not leave the house until they are managing HERE and when we tried again to that child would literally be in a harness attached to my stroller so the option to 'take off' would not present itself lest she wanted to trip herself in her attempt and she would have to 'earn' her independence back by showing me she could be trusted and respectful!

    I also agree with Cfred ~ there would be no 'wiggle room' on the rules with a child like you are describing who constantly in the mode to 'tests' the rules ... my expectations for behavior would be made clear at each transition and there would be no 'reminders or chances' for her if she pushed the envelope and misbehaved there would be immediate consequences ~ no reminders or 1,2,3 magic type things!
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Littledragon View Post
    I would talk to her mom and ask if this is normal behavious and discuss a way to curb it. You can't have a little one disrupting your other kids. She needs to adjust to the daycare, and yes, she's testing you, but this is the time that you NEED to remain consistant and you and mom and dad need to construct a plan to make the trasition easier for everyone.

    I'm sorry you have to go through that. I know how rought it is. Good luck!
    Perfectly said and exactly what I would do!

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