Why do I find it so hard to "crack down" on parents?

[Momof4]

Fruitloop, I enforce my policies to the letter too. I just had to call a Mom to drop off her payment because Dad did the pickup about 10 minutes ago and (headsmack) I didn't get paid. And I was not in a good mood so the Mom is coming over when she finishes work. This is the kind of thing where I'm not so nice! I shouldn't have to ask for my weekly payment ever!

[Inspired by Reggio]

Everyone in life thrives with consistency .... IMO there is no point in having a contract or policies if we do not 'enforce' them and allow clients to just pay late or disrespect the rules and so forth .... however enforcing them does not mean we need to be nasty or aggressive ... you can be assertive while still being professional and 'warm' so to speak ~ I find humor goes a long way in getting my point across in a non-threatening manner ... I rarely have any true problems with clients either their parents or children because everyone knows what to expect and knows the consequences for any misbehavior which are clearly defined in my handbook and they trust based on my approach to my business that I will indeed follow through on them ... that and over the years I have gotten very picky in enrolling only people who share my key values so I am not having to deal with people who are working 'against me' with their children so to speak ~ my first and only 'mistake' in enrolling just 'anyone' who showed an interest just graduated out of the program after 5 years of struggling with different 'values'.

For example with my 'mistake' family I have in my behaviour management philosophy that we as adult needs to say what we mean and mean what we say when guiding the children this is a KEY value for me .... aka do not make an empty threat you do not intend to follow through on if pushed by the child ... so in the spirit of that practice I once sent this client and her 18 month old very rude / snotty child home for the day during a drop off because after having calmly and professionally 'reminded' the parent the day prior about the importance of this practice in ensuring we are establishing trust in a child to know the expectations and consequences of their environment to guide their behavior positively the parent during drop off 'threatened' the child again this time saying that if she was rude to one more child that she was going home to bed for the day ... and well the child was rude 10 seconds later as children will be with a challenge like that given so as a 'consequence' to help the mother and child LEARN that I truly meant that you need to say what you mean and mean what you say she was handed the child's belongings with a calm and professional 'well on that note I guess we will see you both again tomorrow and hopefully spending the day in her room resting will help to instill the skill you greet people politely tomorrow when you come back' and I sent them home ... and mother learned that you PAY for words so choose them wisely because she had to stay home with her kid who was not 'sick' and pay me for the day because I was open and able to work but she screwed that up by not respecting my advice and rules on guiding behavior

I was not bitchy or angry or aggressive with that parent or child but I was certainly firm and assertive that I mean what I say in my policies ... sadly that parent never truly GOT IT cause instead of threatening the child she turned to bribing her instead which led and a challenging 4.5 years ahead for me in my program .... I have never terminated a client since doing home childcare because I have always maintained that as long as they pay on time, are respectful and are the child is not a 'danger' to the other kids I can work with anyone .... but in hindsight this is one where I wish I had have gotten angry over the above incident and terminated her for defying my policy cause it was a clear indication that the mother was just never going to 'get it' no matter how frankly I explained how her actions 'create behaviour' in her child cause it was a long arduous road of behaviours that were just 'annoying' but not enough to put the other kids in danger and well they paid on time and respected all my policies for the most part just were 'annoying' cause we did not share the same values over how to raise children to be productive members of society verses spoiled brats

[Monday 2 Friday Mama]

I think that it is a gradual process. When I first started daycare, I made sure my interview package was awesome, and yes, many of my policies are still the same. But I didn't take myself seriously. I didn't think I would ever need to use my late fee policy, because I thought all parents would rush to pick up their kids after they were in care from 7:00-5:30. Not always the case. I didn't think people would send their kids sick. They did! Surely, people would not knock and wake up my kid and try to come earlier than their scheduled drop off. Sure did. It was infuriating, and most of the times I let these kids in care, I was mad at myself for not standing up for myself and the kid. Now that I have been at this a little longer, I can see those experiences for what they were: learning experiences. It is never easy to "walk the walk". When I re-opened after a move and my mat leave, I ended up terminating two families that did not work. One was an immediate termination. And yes, both times I stressed and stressed before making the final decision and having a very difficult conversation, but ultimately I just kept telling myself that these families do what is best for them all the time - I need to do what is best for MY family. And what is best for my family is a Mom that is not stressed because people are taking advantage of her good nature. I still hate confrontation. I try to get most of it over with in the interview. Now I have a two interview process. I have the 1st interview and that lasts about an hour. If I like them, I give them the parent handbook and my list of references. And then we both take 24 hours to think about things. I don't sign people right away anymore. If I have a bad feeling, I don't sign them. The second interview, they must have read the handbook and then we go over the contract together so there are no surprises and they can ask questions so there is no confusion on any policies. If they are at all difficult during this interview, I just say it will not work out after all. I find doing it this way reduces the amount of difficult conversations I have to have once care has started. Once you give in once, it sort of sets a precedent and it is a slippery slope. I make sure to charge my late fee now even if they are a few minutes late without phone call. I don't unlock my door until opening time. I have turned sick kids away and phoned to pick them up right away. Once I started enforcing my contract, and had compatible parents in care, it gets easier. I know how it feels though. The first time you stand up for yourself is always the hardest. I wish you so much luck, because you DO deserve fair treatment and you will feel miles better once the people treating you badly are treating you better or out of your life altogether.

Well said ! I agree with your statement about the early "mistakes" we all make being learning experiences. Dont be too hard on yourself - it's always hard to have difficult conversations with people. Have you ever considered taking a course on assertiveness training or how to have difficult conversations ? My husband took a training seminar through work entitled "How to work with difficult people" and I learned a lot picking his brain after the fact. See if you can read some books that give you concrete strategies for managing these kind of people and situations - you need these skills to work in this field. =) (and keep your receipts - this is a business expense - you can write it all off on your taxes)