Why do I find it so hard to "crack down" on parents?

[kidlove]

Why do I find it so hard to really "crack down"? I feel like most of you guys have such an easy time being Tough when you have to. Are you all "blowing smoke" or do you REALLY "give it" to parents when it comes to...not following your rules, payment, drop-off, pick-up, behaviors and such. I just feel like if I tried to tackle every rule that was broken with a "term letter" or "verbal warning" I'd be like the angry teacher that nobody likes, always getting after the children. Honestly, all of your responses are so "straight forward and to the point", is that the God's honest truth? Do I have to take a class to be a real "nasty" when I need to be? I even send out reminders and they "mock" the few times I have tried to issue "late fees" they have gotten mad and left my care. What the heck!

[sunnydays]

I have actually often wondered the same thing...everyone on here talks the talk, but do they actually walk the walk? I am pretty good at keeping things running smoothly and haven't had many problems with parents breaking my rules, but I do struggle with confrontation. I have often wondered if everyone who always says "terminate" on this forum actually terminates as often as they advocate others to...cause talk is easy

[Lou]

I jump right on an issue, but via email first. I will not take being walked all over and disrespected. Email messages gives parents the time to read it over and if they are upset, gives them time to cool off and think it through. IF they choose to not respond, I will ask them first thing in the morning if they received my email last night, and ask them if they had any questions.

[kidlove]

Thanks for verifying my "confusion" Sunnydays. It is just sooooo much easier to say..."I would terminate immediately" or "not at my house", how many of you REALLY follow through on your talk?

How many families have you terminated in how many years? Answer if you dare.

I'll go first. I can remember 3 in ten years. I have had almost 50 families through my door. NEXT!...

[Littledragon]

Thanks for verifying my "confusion" Sunnydays. It is just sooooo much easier to say..."I would terminate immediately" or "not at my house", how many of you REALLY follow through on your talk?

How many families have you terminated in how many years? Answer if you dare.

I'll go first. I can remember 3 in ten years. I have had almost 50 families through my door. NEXT!...

I really should read all these BEFORE answering the initial one lol I have terminated ONE and...and we all know why...and I have WANTED - at one point or another - to terminate three (I've only have 5 families in and out lol). I feel the same way about people saying they terminate. Sometimes, I find some people seem really "hard" but I think it comes with the territory. I think that the longer you're doing this, the "harder" you become and the less you're likely to "put up with". But I honestly think, that given the opportunity EVERYONE would rather work on it then terminate. i think we all jump to terminations because in words it sounds like it's not working, but we're not living it. It's hard to actually DO. But if anyone every came on here and started going on about a psycho mom, then i would say TERMINATE hahaha but I have had my fair share of crazies, and parents that seem to "mock" but the more I "crack down" the better they become.
I started a daycare because I was a nanny before and I was tired of being treated as a second class citizen. Thus, I am a little more senstive when people try to take advantage of me and my rules. And I think we're ALL daycare providers because we ALL have a certain level of control issues. So then we want to make sure people are always following our rules. But like Reggio says (where is she anyways), it's a two way street and one respect deserves another respect. If we want them to respect us and not treat us like second class citizens, then we must do the same with them and be as patient as humanly possible

Sorry. I'm such a ranter!

[fruitloop]

I'd have to say that about 95% of the time I walk the walk. I don't stand for BS in my dayhome and I don't take crap from parents. How many kids have I terminated? none! How many kids have I given a notice of behaviour issues to...a few. Those few parents chose to leave my care and go elsewhere instead of trying to correct the problem and work WITH me as a team. Do I care that they left? NOPE! My contract/package is pretty long, in depth and to the point with no sugar coating. The families I get into my care are all on the same page as me and abide by the contract/package I give them to sign. I charge late fees and parents willing pay them, I voice my optinions, etc. and for the most part have had VERY good families in care.

[Play and Learn]

I'd have to say that about 95% of the time I walk the walk. I don't stand for BS in my dayhome and I don't take crap from parents. How many kids have I terminated? none! How many kids have I given a notice of behaviour issues to...a few. Those few parents chose to leave my care and go elsewhere instead of trying to correct the problem and work WITH me as a team. Do I care that they left? NOPE! My contract/package is pretty long, in depth and to the point with no sugar coating. The families I get into my care are all on the same page as me and abide by the contract/package I give them to sign. I charge late fees and parents willing pay them, I voice my optinions, etc. and for the most part have had VERY good families in care.

Yup, same here. I've termed 3 families in 2 years. And let me tell you, it felt like so much weight lifted from my shoulders!

I run two businesses, so why should I feel out and stressed at the end of each day? You don't like my rules, then there's the door, and try not to let it hit you on the way out!

[cfred]

I'm a total sucker with parents and admit it freely. However, after 11 years, I've had to become more forceful, though I find it difficult. I've always run a very relaxed daycare (from the business end) and for the most part, it went well. Of course, there are always some people who will take advantage. I just always dealt with those situations as they came along and modified when I needed to. However, in the past couple of years, now that my business has moved into more people that I don't know, I've had problems. For the first time, I'm drawing up contracts and putting rules in place that I'm not comfortable with and will, undoubtedly, have to enforce them. I'm so glad to hear that someone else has a hard time with this end of things as well.

Thanks!

[Cocoon]

To be honest, I don't let it to come at that point. If they disrespect me I tell them on the spot. If they don't correct themselves and do it again then I tell them when they do it second time and prepare the letter that afternoon to give them next morning. They are not kids they are adults and they should know what is expectable what is not. Im not going to warn them again and again.

The thing is, if I'm upset and not happy about things then i wont make anyone happy and obviously it will effect my mood and I don't feel like doing this job anymore. So why should I let other people bother me and ruin my mood? I can take a lot of nonsense from kids cause they don't know what they are doing and they are being kids but if a parent doing this I'm sorry i wont take it. I'm not your mother to correct you.

I didn't have to term. Anyone as I said I tell them on the spot and they correct themselves immediately as they know what will happen next if they don't follow my rules.

I know our finances making us take these craps from parents but for me there is no amount of money worth for my sanity. I can perfectly go and find a cleaning job with no stress. Beside, my house my rules. So yes, I walk the walk

[ladyjbug]

I think that it is a gradual process. When I first started daycare, I made sure my interview package was awesome, and yes, many of my policies are still the same. But I didn't take myself seriously. I didn't think I would ever need to use my late fee policy, because I thought all parents would rush to pick up their kids after they were in care from 7:00-5:30. Not always the case. I didn't think people would send their kids sick. They did! Surely, people would not knock and wake up my kid and try to come earlier than their scheduled drop off. Sure did. It was infuriating, and most of the times I let these kids in care, I was mad at myself for not standing up for myself and the kid. Now that I have been at this a little longer, I can see those experiences for what they were: learning experiences. It is never easy to "walk the walk". When I re-opened after a move and my mat leave, I ended up terminating two families that did not work. One was an immediate termination. And yes, both times I stressed and stressed before making the final decision and having a very difficult conversation, but ultimately I just kept telling myself that these families do what is best for them all the time - I need to do what is best for MY family. And what is best for my family is a Mom that is not stressed because people are taking advantage of her good nature. I still hate confrontation. I try to get most of it over with in the interview. Now I have a two interview process. I have the 1st interview and that lasts about an hour. If I like them, I give them the parent handbook and my list of references. And then we both take 24 hours to think about things. I don't sign people right away anymore. If I have a bad feeling, I don't sign them. The second interview, they must have read the handbook and then we go over the contract together so there are no surprises and they can ask questions so there is no confusion on any policies. If they are at all difficult during this interview, I just say it will not work out after all. I find doing it this way reduces the amount of difficult conversations I have to have once care has started. Once you give in once, it sort of sets a precedent and it is a slippery slope. I make sure to charge my late fee now even if they are a few minutes late without phone call. I don't unlock my door until opening time. I have turned sick kids away and phoned to pick them up right away. Once I started enforcing my contract, and had compatible parents in care, it gets easier. I know how it feels though. The first time you stand up for yourself is always the hardest. I wish you so much luck, because you DO deserve fair treatment and you will feel miles better once the people treating you badly are treating you better or out of your life altogether.