Really?!

[Momof4]

Jec, I think you had a really hard day and we all have those. As some of the others already stated, this is a PUBLIC forum and parents and providers alike can view it. I tell the absolute truth when I come here to help another provider with a problem and I post a lot of personal things about the children in my daycare and things I've learned over the years. But I'm not afraid of any backlash happening to me because what I post is the honest truth and I have nothing to hide.

I run my daycare with 100% of my energy and I'm proud of my program and my efforts. My families really appreciate me and that is proven by the way they recommend me to people all the time that I usually have to try to find somebody else for them because I'm full with a waiting list. But I admit it, I have one family who give me small problems and make me angry and their child has very annoying personality traits. Can I put the particulars of that on this forum? NO! So that's why other forums such as you described are really important.

But on private forums where only daycare providers can view it's easier for us to really vent about our frustrations knowing that if we have a child or parents who are giving us problems that we can tell it like it is just to get it off our chests, you know?

[jec]

When ever someone posts something on here, facebook or anywhere on where others read it, it's open to interpertation.
Please don't feel that I was judging providers for things they posted...this really is about negative vibes and there are people out there that are just that- negative and like ~ likes like and in any profession around the water cooler, you get those few that you can't stand to listen to as they take it that step further and are just negative people in general and are negative not just about the job and it's not just a bad day/week/month. My post was as kidlove said, a vent about some negativity out there and I'm not saying anyone is a bad provider, nobody doesn't has the right to vent, we all do. Yes, the private forums are a place to let it out all out and again, we all need that. There are other forums out there that I have been a part of that are private that don't have a negative vibe and trust me, I've got some rants myself! Just like any job, it can really get to us from time to time and need that place, safe place to vent. I get it. Just please dont think that I would say you are not being truthful or afraid of any backlash- as someone else posted, these are a great group of co-workers and at the end of my original post, it was to thank everyone and loving the positive environment.
Your right, I was having a bad day and was venting about some negativity that I felt was bringing me down even more

[Inspired by Reggio]

This is my take on negativity Jec .... the world is about finding balance ... we need a small amount of negativity in our lives as it has a place in this world because in order to appreciate the POSITIVE we need to remember that it could be worse ... this is the balance of the world ~ how could one truly appreciate the gift of life is there was no death, how could we enjoy the light if not for the dark ... it is basic science in life for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction!

So yes human beings need to be able to vent and express frustrations so we can openly reflect on what went wrong, what the obstacle is and than to make changes towards being positive again to fix the issue this is suppose to be the purpose of 'venting' to let out some steam so we can focus on ensuring that what we are cooking in our lives turns out healthy for everyone .... however when venting becomes a way of life, when you are so surrounded by the negative thoughts that they are all you see and all you feel than there becomes an issue because well than no one wants to come near you or whatever you've go cooking in that pot cause it always looks like it is about to boil over with some sort of toxic brew inside it .... IMO if this is how someone is constantly venting about the same things over and over again it is time to reflect on if what you are seeing is truly 'reality' or have you spent so much time focusing and feeding the negativity that you have created a 'jaded view of the world' so to speak .... time to take a good hard look at what you have in that pot so to speak and if it is time to throw it out and start brewing a new reciepe!

I love this proverbial lesson ....

Two Wolves: A Cherokee Teaching
An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life...

He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

One wolf is evil -- he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.

The other is good---he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied: "The one you feed".

Feed the wolf you want to be predominant in your life .... if you want to have a positive life filled with joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith than surround yourself with people, places and things where this is the PRIME focus because IME if you surround yourself with other people who are feeding their wolf a steady diet of fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego than those wolfs grow stronger and can overpower your sense of self because their negativity eats up everything in its path!

I have been in the childcare industry for almost a quarter of a century .... I can tell you that I have spent my entire career 'vacating' water coolers where the water has been so poisoned by others negativity that there was no longer any refreshment in it .... sad but true that this happens in the childcare industry .... if the water is no longer feeding and nourishing your soul and your attempt to chlorinate it with your positivity is being overpowered by continued pollution of others than it is no longer the place you want to be drinking from and its time to find a new water cooler that is more in 'balance' with your goals

[ladyjbug]

Jec, if I am being honest, I did read the first post of yours as judgemental and this is why:

I do know the context in which you are writing. I didn't know you had a bad day, and I am sorry to hear reading someone's post made you feel worse. I honestly skipped the drama the first time I replied to that thread and actually had to go back and read it. Basically, I came on here, and read a vent about "other forums" that were full of providers that hated their jobs and bred nothing but negativity after I had just spent fifteen minutes trying to type out an answer to your question and understand the term that you were trying to discuss. First of all, I am not a negative provider, I love my job and I try to help others and I felt lumped in with your description simply because I subscribe and enjoy some "other forums". If that's not what you meant, that's wonderful. But that is how you came across.

Once again, I mentioned before that it is hard to judge tone on the internet. Maybe you really just meant a really positive message to these ladies on this forum that you appreciate them. I get that. They are great ladies and I learn a lot from them. It is a wonderful forum to be a part of. The part I don't get is to give a compliment you needed to tear other forums down. So I wrote to you and tried to explain that each forum might serve a particular purpose in a provider's journey. You may not necessarily know a provider's intentions behind a post. They could have had an extraordinarily bad day too. There are a lot of us that are members of lots of forums. When I post in a particular forum, I make sure I know my audience. There are some forums I won't post about a new parenting/daycare technique because I know what the answer will already be. And that's okay. I really respect the opinions of everyone on ALL the forums. They take time out of their very busy days to help me and even just provide the briefest of connections in an isolating job and I really appreciate it and try to return the favour as best I can.

Know your audience, is the best advice I can give. Hope you are having a much better day today. Cheers, it's the weekend!

[jec]

At the end of the day- it wasn't just me having a bad day.
This can go back and forth and I think that Reggio put things in a perfect light for me.

I'm sorry that you took it personally ladyjbug~ as I said things are always left up to interperation when you post something on a public forum of any type. It wasn't meant as an attack on you or anyone here specific as a negative provider. Thanks to those tho sent me the supportive pm's in knowing that I wasn't being spiteful and or negative or pointing anyone out here specific.

Have a great weekend everyone

[kidlove]

playfelt: where are the US forums? I am from the US and wouldn't mind looking in considering, some topics here are out of my knowledge (money talk and regulations) although simular...I wouldn't mind a US point of view as well.....however, a pleasant picture hasnt been painted re: the "negativity" are american providers really more negative? Maybe I need to take a look in the morror.

[Momof4]

kidlove, you aren't being lumped into a group any more than the caregivers in my city can be lumped into a group. It's just what we have noticed on some of the other forums as a general rule. You are a very positive person and we appreciate your opinions very much. I know for a fact not every caregiver in my city is doing a great job!

[playfelt]

The groups I am on are from yahoo chat groups - as I said forum/chat via email messages as in old style,lol. Been on them for years since we first had internet and they were the only option. Childcarecubby is a great one for getting all sides of issues as well as support for personal issues when needed.

[playfelt]

It isn't that US providers are more negative it is that they are more hounded by authorities and up against impossible regulations to meet in a family home. The hoops to jump through just to get licensed can take several months. The rules are a lot stricter than even for those of us with a Canadian agency. And made doubly worse by regulations about not being able to pick and choose who you take in for care as much as we can so not able to weed out the parents that come with a whole colour party of red flags waving around them. Burn out seems to be much faster. Then again I have been on that group for a long time so some of the caregivers that are there are just as old as I am and been in the business just as long and it isn't so much burnout as much as it is in any job where it is time to retire or change careers during a mid life crisis period or due to family financial circumstances which for many caregivers is by far the biggest issue they are facing.

[kidlove]

Gotcha, playfelt. just wanted to make sure I wasnt placed in a bad light. ha ha I do agree with the fact that the negativity could very well come from the fact that in the US it does feel very much like a "thumb" is ON you at all times. Sometimes think that letting my license go and just running a "quiet" day care would be much more appealing, but...my morals get in the way, considering that would be "against the law". If I got caught would have 30 days to remove all kids in care or become relicensed. (which by the way, took me about 8 monthes when I started 10 years ago) All in all, I have noticed no matter where you live, if you do daycare you have the same goals, and motivations and the very same "problems". thanks ladies