I have a biter too!

[FreshPrincess]

I care for 3 children + 1 of my own during the day (my other son is in school). I have 2 daycare girls and 1 daycare boy. The daycare boy is full-time, and the 2 girls are on a flex schedule.

A couple of weeks ago, I had the 12 month old dc girl here. She and my 1 year old son always followed eachother around. It was so cute. On this day, she leaned into him...as if to give him a hug, and bit him right on the face. I wasn't expecting it so I could not prevent it. She broke skin! Shortly after that, her parents were on holidays for two weeks. When she came back, I noticed that she has been 'attacking' my son. She walks up to him and pulls his hair, scratches him. She does this all out of excitement, so I know it is not done maliciously. (Can it even be done maliciously at 12 months old?). For each incident, she was told 'NO' very firmly and redirected to another area of play.

I noticed that this week, my 1 year old cries when he sees her. When she starts to walk up to him, he lays on the ground and plays dead....like he's paralyzed with fear. I'm always having to pick up my little pumpkin off the floor to rescue him from her. Just the sight of her upsets him now.

Yesterday, I had all my dc kids. It was a bit of a challenging day for a while. The 1 year old girl only came at 2pm when nap time was almost over. I allowed the 3 year old dc girl to get out of her nap area to play with the 1 year old. She loves the 1 year old dc girl. She treats her kind of like she would if she had a little sister. It's very cute! My 1 year old son was also awake at this time. The 1 year old dc girl immediately started heading toward my son. He was paralyzed with fear, so I picked him up and brought him to the toy room while the girls stayed in the living room to play (1 room is off the other). While I was in there, the 1 year old bit the 3 year old on the face and left a bruise of teeth marks. So the 3 year old that was FINALLY having a good day immediately got upset. It was all downhill from there. When I picked up the 1 year old dc girl, she was trying to bite my arm. I had to hold her out far enough from me. I showed her my 'angry' face and said a firm 'no'. This usually stops her from the action she is about to make, but does not send the message long term. For the rest of the day, while I waited for all 3 parents to arrive, the children were miserable because this 1 year old was constantly trying to attack them. What am I supposed to do with her? Is it inhumane to put her in a playpen with toys and let her bite the toys instead? I don't know what else to do. I am not concerned that she will do this long term. I know that she is teething right now. I would be very concerned if she was 18 months and biting out of anger. She is always very happy when she is trying to bite.

I spoke to mom about it at pick up. She mentioned that her daughter does it at home to her older brother too. She said they do the same as me: a firm 'no' and redirect her. Will this method ever start working? I don't want the other children to feel unsafe or miserable because of a 12 month old baby. lol. Otherwise, this 12 month old is very cute and a delight to have around. She won't be much of a delight if her presence makes the others upset though.

How do you work on correcting this?

[playfelt]

Within a week if the parents believe in spanking and within the month if they don't. As for at your house a redirect should be to a segregated place such as an exersaucer with as much activities removed or to a playpen where she can see all the fun but not participate. Then with time your no can be "no, stop or you are in the naughty spot" or whatever you wish to call it - know a friend who had a lady bug exersaucer and called it the naughty bug and that is where those needing time out went.

While I don't believe in teaching kids to fight back I do believe in teaching them to stand up for themselves/protect themselves. Teaching your son to put his arms out to keep the child at arm's length might make him feel more powerful.

Also don't be quite so swift to "rescue" your son in the sense that he has also learned a quick way to get your attention away from the group of kids and you don't want to feed into that. He needs to master not playing the victim before he is one. Instead of rescuing him, pick up the girl and move her to a different area saying XXXX doesn't want to play right now. Then move back from the group and back to observing. If she moves back, repeat with words and gesturing and only physically intervene if she doesn't listen to which she goes to the naughty spot - for disobedience of a command - you do as you are told at my house.

It is hard when it is our own child that is the target and part of the reason is that the other one year old sees your child as a threat to her getting whatever she wants be it a toy, your attention, etc.

This is also one of those things where being more physical than no is needed to teach. No means no but no to what - biting, walking across the carpet, bending over, what.... Putting your hand over the child's mouth - (yours is big enough she won't be able to bite you) then saying no we don't bite shows the child what you are talking about. Then the next time or two you go to her and say no - putting her hands over her mouth saying our mouths are not for biting other people or something like that. Often there is a bout of teething that happens during a biting phase too and if that is the case then it resolves when tooth has cut through.

[sunnydays]

I agree with everything Play felt has suggested. I also wanted to add that I had a biter recently (18 months) who I nearly terminated because he was biting so many times a day. We did the time-outs and nothign was working and finally his mom sent him with his soother (which is normally only for naptime) and it worked! I use it for a week or two and since it was in his mouth, he didn't bite anymore...then gradually he stopped needing the soother and still no biting. We tried a teething ring attached to his shirt, but that didn't work for him...the soother was like gold! I don't know if the little girl you have has a soother, but if not , mabye a teething ring attached to her shirt could help? Oooh, I feel your pain...biting is the worst behaviour issue I have had to deal with so far!

[FreshPrincess]

It doesn't bother me so much that she is biting my son. She is constantly after him. She is not biting maliciously either. She is happy when she does it. She tries to bite me too when I am holding her. She bit another little girl in my care. I felt bad having to tell her mom about it. I placed the biter on a chair for timeout, but I don't think she understood why she was there.

I will be the first to admit that my oldest son is very rough and not always nice to the other little ones. He is now in school. (thank God). My 1 year old though is the easiest and sweetest little man, but he is always the first one the other kids lash out their anger on. The 2 and 3 year old are constantly ripping toys away from him (and sometimes eachother), pushing, and hitting him (sometimes). He still loves to play with them and easily forgets the pain they inflict on him when they are frustrated. But my little guy is absolutely petrified of this 12 months old who is constantly after him to bite him or pull his hair. He just mastered walking, so he does not know how to get away from her. I don't even think he understands what is going on. How do you teach a 14 month old boy to defend himself? I've been bit by little teeth and it hurts! Lol.
When I place the 12 moth old in a playpen, she becomes hysterical. I am not sure that I want to make the playpen a bad place, though I am starting to think it might not be a bad idea. It will give her a timeout and give me time to play a little with the others. I am going to try the soother too. I do have one here for her.
Thank you for the great advice!