I think your expectations are absolutely right. I would probably remove the utensils as soon as he mis behaves with them. If he says yuck, remove the food. Still needs to sit there, even with nothing in front of him.

For casual care, no need to deal with that crap. Especially if dads just sitting at home.

Good luck with the meeting. Make sure you start it and lead the conversation. Make it about behaviour, don't let her make it about you as a provider.