Time out?

[GymMom]

Do you give time outs? And if so, how do you go about it? Do you have a time out chair? Time out room? 1 minute per year of age? Parents asked me this today in an interview, saying that they use time outs with their boys at home. I have not had to do this yet with my dayhome kids, but would like to be prepared when these guys start. Hoping not to have to use it frequently, but should be ready, just in case!

[mimi]

I have very rarely had to give time outs. However, if I need to, I just have them sit at the bottom of the basement stairs with me monitoring. Yes, 1 min per year.

[Momof4]

Very few timeouts are used here too, usually for one child getting through a phase now and then until they realize that I do not allow certain behaviours, period. I have a chair in the corner of the room and after they calm down I talk to them eye to eye and make them apologize to their friend if they hurt someone.

I don't use a certain time because I think toddlers have the attention span of fruit flies so if you leave them too long they won't even remember why they are there. The idea is to remove them from the play and let them calm down or know that it isn't fun to have a timeout and miss out on things. I also remove toys and put them up high where they can be seen but not touched if they don't share.

All children are different and you have to find out what works best with each child. And consistency and never caving in to them will work.

[gcj]

Kids here are not allowed to hurt themselves or others and may not break things. That covers almost everything. When they are disobeying, they are reminded of the rule, the next time they are told again and that the next time will result in time out and of course the 3rd time it's time out. Time out is in a corner, 1 min/age, followed by a discussion about what they did wrong, why it's wrong and how they must correct their behaviour and an apology to whomever deserves it. However, if it is an ongoing problem, I may skip the 3 chances rule. If it's something serious that they really know better and had only bad intentions, I don't believe they deserve all the warnings.
Honestly, I haven't had to use a whole lot of timeouts lately.

[Dreamalittledream]

Honestly, the only time I've resorted to time out is with my own son (and that seems to be about 10 times a day lately!)...the rest are, in general, very well behaved and easily redirected. And with my son, I've actually had to resort to putting him in one of my booster chairs & 'locking him in' (not really, he can easily get out on his own) with the booster tray & setting the timer. If not, as soon as my head is turned he is off the time out chair.

[Mamma_Mia]

Honestly, the only time I've resorted to time out is with my own son (and that seems to be about 10 times a day lately!)...the rest are, in general, very well behaved and easily redirected. And with my son, I've actually had to resort to putting him in one of my booster chairs & 'locking him in' (not really, he can easily get out on his own) with the booster tray & setting the timer. If not, as soon as my head is turned he is off the time out chair.

Same here! My own daughter is my "issue" LOL TODAY alone she was on the stairs about 6 times! She's tests me to NO end while the others just need a firm "Johnny!" and they know I mean business!

[victoriaB]

kids are kids. We know them to be playful and have a lot of energy. They can sometimes be stubborn and have tantrums but it's normal. I tend to discipline them and give them time to play and have a rest. I make sure they are manageable and understand that not all the time, they can do and have what they want.

[Play and Learn]

I rarely give time outs - maybe once a month per child? I try to re-direct before something I know is going to happen if at all possible. 1, 2, 3, then time out. They USUALLY stop doing what is wrong by the time I say 2....

I put them in the same spot each time. For upstairs it's sitting on the kitchen floor (where they can hear their friends play, but can't see them, but I can see the child. In the basement, it's sitting on the bottom step. When we're outside, it's sitting on the bottom step outside by a door.

They usually have to sit there until I'm calm! So 2-5 minutes depending on the situation. Again, most things depend on the situation of course.

[daycarewhisperer]

I don't use time out because it doesn't work. I don't know if it's commonly known that time out is something that was just a theory that a child will settle down if removed away from the adult caregiver. It was popularized by Jo of "Supernanny" fame. She is the one who came up with the concept of a minute of time out for each year of life. Unfortunately we have States in the US who have somehow worked time out into the providers regulations as a kind and gentle way to say no to a child yet not overdicipline them by putting a limit to the time.

A two year old can not reset after poor behavior in two minutes. In fact, limiting the separation to a cuuple of minutes is actually an escalator to children. It means nothing and increases their liklihood of acting out afterwards. Jo also added the system of putting the child in time out, then having a post time out conference retelling the incident and asking the child to say they are sorry. Both of these techniques are also escalators.

It's a system that really is for the adults and feeds into the popular idea that we should praise children and give them a bunch of attention instead of exacting a REAL consequence that matters.

I don't do time out... I do "go to bed". I have a separate nursery and separate older kids sleeping room. If a kid can't make it in the playroom they can go to their respective bed and have the "me" time they need to right themselves. The "go to bed" works great and it doesn't take too long for the child to figure out it's better to be with the group then on their own in bed. They do NOT develop a bad feeling of their bed. They know well enough when they are in the bed to go to bed then when they are in the bed to have their own time and space to get with the program. The idea that using beds to discipline will confuse the child is as silly as the idea that a minute per every year of life will be enough time to right a child's behavior. It's just something someone made up and it caught on because we want to act like we actually DO something when really we aren't doing anything at all.

[fruitloop]

I use a time out method but rarely have to use it. Although, I do NOT use the 1 minute per age thing. They will sit there until either I become calm OR if they are freaking out, they sit until THEY become calm. If that takes 5 minutes, fine but if they are melting down for 20 minutes, they will sit there for that long. A child can not regain composure and reset in only a few minutes (as dcwhisperer said). They need to sit there as long as it takes for them to become normal again. I have used the "go to bed" method before too when it's needed.