Time out?

[Momof4]

Daycarewhisperer, aren't you afraid that the children will associate sleeping as a punishment if they are put into bed every time they act badly? I always keep all 5 of my children in the same room at the same time, except when one has to run off to the bathroom of course. I wouldn't want them split up all over the house like that.

I do believe that timeouts work because I raised my own 4 wonderful children using that method and it does work at my daycare. It's a learning process for the children and it certainly isn't fun for me. It's exhausting for me when I have to put a child in timeout over and over for a chronic problem but they do learn that it isn't fun for them either.

[Mamma_Mia]

Daycarewhisperer, aren't you afraid that the children will associate sleeping as a punishment if they are put into bed every time they act badly?

My thoughts and feelings exactly

[Momof4]

My thoughts and feelings exactly

Yeah, I know daycarewhisperer explained that she doesn't believe the children experience any bad feelings toward beds as a punishment, but that doesn't make sense to me so I'd like more info. I know for sure that they don't sit on my timeout chair just for fun! They know what it means to sit there for a time out and it is not popular so that's how I know it is a true punishment and that it works.

[treeholm]

My three children are now wonderful adults between the ages of 22 and 31, and I used time outs with them; however, I did not use a certain number of minutes per age, I told them they needed to sit on the chair or bottom of the stairs until they were "ready to be gentle" or "ready to listen to Mommy." That worked very well, because they had to learn to do the emotional work to get ready to return to the group. They quickly learned that if they came back too soon, I would send them back with the admonishment "you are not ready yet."

[Momof4]

I agree treeholm, timeouts are effective, but as I said before you can't use a long time because the children don't remember why they are there, use a very short time and talk to them about what they did wrong as soon as they are calm. My children are between ages 26 and 37 and my grandchildren are between ages 3 and 17 and it's really funny to watch my two daughters who have children use the same method I used with them and it still works.

[daycarewhisperer]

Daycarewhisperer, aren't you afraid that the children will associate sleeping as a punishment if they are put into bed every time they act badly? I always keep all 5 of my children in the same room at the same time, except when one has to run off to the bathroom of course. I wouldn't want them split up all over the house like that.

I do believe that timeouts work because I raised my own 4 wonderful children using that method and it does work at my daycare. It's a learning process for the children and it certainly isn't fun for me. It's exhausting for me when I have to put a child in timeout over and over for a chronic problem but they do learn that it isn't fun for them either.

No kids don't confuse the two. It wouldn't be any different to a child than using a kitchen table to eat or using a kitchen table to do art work. They have the ability to descern the difference at a very young age. The original concept of time out was developed using a crib for the time out. Read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time-out_(parenting)

Staats described the discipline of his 2-year old daughter in 1962: "I would put her in her crib and indicate that she had to stay there until she stopped crying. If we were in a public place [where her behavior was inappropriate], I would pick her up and go outside."[4] This has the effect of weakening the offending behavior so that it occurs less frequently, quickly disappearing unless the behavior has been well learned.

Just like supernanny came up with the minute for each age idea, someone else came up with an idea that kids would be confused by using a time out spot for sleeping and time outs. If you have a good experience with time out then do what works for you.

Before time out was popularized moms just put their kids to bed when they acted up. Been done for hundreds of years. Of course there was also spanking and spanking if they got out of bed without permission. Now with spanking not an option for care providers there needs to be compliance to stay IN bed if you use that technique.

I have the notion that a safe, warm, comfortable place to chill out when our regular programming doesn't work for a child is a good recipe for de-escalation. I've never had to use it on a kid over the age of two because they learn from an early age to be agreeable or go rest. I don't do punishments, talks, reflection, sorry words... or anything like that. If they are fussy or behaving dangerously then they get their own separate area. I use go to bed or go to play yard (I have three six by three play yards). Either one works. I don't even care if they have toys in either location. They can play to their little hearts content, have blankets, or lovies.... I don't care. I just want them separated when they are unable to make it with the other kids. We also fully supervise regardless of whereever they are located.

Soon as they are calm and I feel it is safe to reintegrate then we do a fineagain beginagain. They start over with a clean slate. Sometimes they make it ... sometimes they don't. Rinse and repeat.

[eoinsmom]

My experience has been that you learn what works for each kid. Some kids need a 'time out' and some need a 'time in'. I have one boy who will ask to be put in his playpen for a cool off time to gather himself (2 years old). My son (4 yrs old) freaks out if put in his bed alone for a time out, but is able to calm down and gather sitting in the chair in our living room. The rest of the kids fall into these two basic categories for what works to let them calm and re-center. I also don't do a min for year of age, since I find that doesn't seem to really work. I have the kids stay in their calming area until they are able to tell me that they feel ready to come back and join in. This seems to work wonderfully for us. All the kids (ages 2 to 5 years) are able to understand that they can come back and play when they are calmed down and feeling better. They just sometimes seem to need a break from the excitement of the day to sit, cry, and process their emotions; then they are able to come back and play with a clear mind and better mood. I check in on them while they are sitting wherever they may be (playpen or chair) and ask if they are ready to come back yet. Each kid has consistently been able to tell me when they feel ready emotionally to come back and act appropriately. I have been exposed to a variety of different parenting theories through my work as a child protection frontline worker in Ontario and Alberta, as I had to attend workshops and teach methods to the parents on my caseload. From the different approaches and theories, this is what I have come up with as being effective for the kids in my care - but I wholly believe that you need to assess each child individually to see what works with their personality. I was just turned onto this author http://connectedparenting.com/ through my other job (I'm an Adoption home assessment writer on weekends) and I enjoyed her approach and thoughts.

[kidlove]

I have a discipline contract and in it states my forms of discipline. I do use time outs, and gage it on each child (usually going with one minute for every year of age) however some kids need more or less depending on the offense or the personality. don't do time outs before the age of 2, and use them only for dangerous or disrespectful situations or continually not following direction. I always have them sit in the same spot, this way they all learn when I say "go to time-out" they go to that spot and plop down. After times out is over I approach them and we talk over what happened and make a plan for next time. Timeouts are quite rare, some kids NEVER need them.

[Crayola kiddies]

My youngest will only have success in a time out if it's in his bed otherwise he has a full on melt down.

[playfelt]

The whole purpose of time out is to give the child forced reflection/composure time. What better place when you think about it but to go lay down and relax and get ready to play again - properly. For many kids being over tired is why they were unable to cope in the first place.

Time out on a chair happened when sending kids to their room became a reward cause they had tv, radio, nintendo, etc. and more toys than the local store.

I tend to use the couch for time outs when used with the idea of it is a comfortable relaxing place and the ideal environment for regaining control and/or the child lays down and rests. Length of time depends on when child is settled and returns to play when they are ready. If I have to send them back to the couch to try again then I decide when they are ready to play again.