Really struggling - vent

[Littledragon]

Thank you ladies, so much. I cannot express how amazing it is to have the support that I do on here. Mondays seem to be the worst days for me, especially recently because my husband has been home from work and he goes out to do things and I want desperately to go with him. But then I have to remind myself that if I were working at a full time job out of the house, I wouldn't be able to do any of that anyways. At least this way, I can see him as he comes and goes.

Lately, I've just been feeling like the grass is always greener. My house is TAKEN over because it really is not set up for a daycare. I have thought of alternate ways to fix the situation, but short of moving, there isn't much of a solution there.

Then I feel like if only I could get a job working three days a week, have my son in a daycare for three days (some days, I feel like I can't offer him certain things a more educated child care provider could) and then the next two days I could be at home with him and still have my little part time boy as well.

Then other days, I think maybe I should just get a stay at home job, but then my son wouldn't have the socialization and I would most likely have to bring someone in to take care of him (I nannied for a stay at home) because although I'm at home, I would be working.

After I read what everyone said, I did sit down and write out a gratitude list. And I really am lucky to be able to offer my son all that I can because I'm staying home. And I wrote down the things that bothered me: lack of adult socilization/feeling cooped up and the stress of finding clients. Because I am still relatively new, I don't yet have the luxury of letting people go willy nilly. If I did, this new part timer would be out. So if I can find ways to fix these two things....

I tried talking to my husband about fixing our situation - cutting our cable, not going out so much, not getting take out so much, just cutting back on the little things that seem to add up so much so that when we are in a situation like this, we don't have to stress about losing money, because we'll have a little nest egg. But as I spoke he didn't say much. He works a lot and VERY hard and he deserves to have those luxuries, and it's me that makes it impossible for him not to have them - is how I feel. My husband is VERY VERY VERY supportive, but he's facing a lot of stresses at work and he's constantly worried something with happen with the daycare, and after his immense support during psycho mom, I feel terrible going to him for more.

I also spoke to my mom and she bought me (because she's awesome) some B complex vitamins. I'm on a pretty hardcore diet right now (which is probably adding to everything) and she said it's very possible that I am missing some of the vital minerals and nutrients. If that doesn't work, I will go to my doctor.

I know that there are steps I need to take to make this better for everyone, but I can't do it alone. I will need to go to my husband at some point but it seems like we're both in a standstill waiting for his effing promotion. I guess I'll give it a few more weeks, work my ass off at replacing this part timer with an older full timer and then if the situation still isn't any better, I will think about alternative measures.

Thanks again ladies for all your help! I couldn't do any of this without you

[apples and bananas]

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I also spoke to my mom and she bought me (because she's awesome) some B complex vitamins. I'm on a pretty hardcore diet right now (which is probably adding to everything) and she said it's very possible that I am missing some of the vital minerals and nutrients. If that doesn't work, I will go to my doctor.

I have been taking a B complex lately too... it's made a world of difference, but took about a week to feel anything positive. I'm sure that will help huge! Great to hear you're feeling better.