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  1. #1
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    Really struggling - vent

    Hi all,

    I really hate coming here and whining about things but I just really need to vent with people who understand.

    I am really struggling. I am on the cusp of closing down. The problem is, I don't really have a choice to have a daycare at the moment, and I'm really not enjoying it so I'm feeling really trapped.

    Ever since psycho mom happened, I've been feeling like my daycare is tainted. I'm not really happy doing it anymore - for numerous reasons. I thought it would be OK if I could find someone to replace him easily and things would be smooth sailing. Well, I found a little girl - 13 months old. And I think it may have been a bad idea. She's only part-time - 3 days per week, full days. Last Friday was the first day for her to nap here. She screamed and cried until she threw up and I had to call mom to come pick her up. Now mom has emailed me today and said she's having a very hard time following my nap times and is wondering if there is any possibility in moving nap times up. She's not used to sleep training, so she doesn't know how to do it.

    Since my heart really isn't in it anymore, and I feel a little bit like I'm already burning out, I don't know if I have the energy or desire to help mom sleep train. I mean, if I were a mother and my daycare provider was telling me how to nap my child, I would give up and find a more suitable daycare. And maybe I'm looking for her to give up. I would like to let them go but I feel like I would be giving up too early and my husband wouldn't like losing that income - even though it's very minimal.

    I just don't know if I have the energy to break her in. I am really trying very hard to find an older child, who could play with my 2.5 year old and my son who is 14 months can continue playing with the 17 month old.

    I am currently looking for other jobs outside of the daycare but seeing as how I have my son and am not willing to put him in care until he's a little older, my options are very limited.

    My husband is up for a promotion which would allow me to keep only the children I currently have and not worry about finding more. But he works for the government and for anyone who has ever worked for the government, you know how everything takes FOREVER.

    I'm just feeling trapped and really sad. I don't think I am cut out for this. I mean, I'm really good at it when my heart is in it, but ever since psycho mom I feel very burnt out and tired. I am quick to becomes impatient and I just want to sleep all the time. It's probably a bit of a depression but I don't know how to come out of it.

    I know there isn't much advice I can get from this, but I just needed to vent with people who understand. A friend of mine told me that my heart isn't in it and it's not fair to me and the kids (which is true) and she suggested closing down. But she's a stay at home and doesn't understand that financially, closing the daycare isn't a possibility at this point.

    I just feel so....sad.

  2. #2
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    Sorry to read you are in a bad place at the moment .... and while I agree with your friend that if you heart is not 'in it' that it does have an effect on the program however it does not mean you have to close as the only option .... there are strategies you can put in place to get your passion back!

    Adversity, aka dealing with the challenging client you had to let go, can take a toll on us emotionally as well as physically ... this job can be very demanding and I think that is something that many people who enter into it do not realize thinking it will be all sunshine and roses all the time thinking only of how 'fun' children can be but overlooking that they are also emotional little beings who have so much to master still not to mention dealing with their parents and the financial aspect of this business.

    If closing down is not an option financially and working under the current 'cloud' is not an option either as it is no good for anyone I have a few suggestions of things that have worked for me to help 'revitalize' my spirits so to speak when I have hit a 'low' in my career.

    First make sure that you are not dealing with 'actual' depression and go see your DR ... get a hormone and vitamin panel done and see if you are low in Vitamin B or other things that can 'mimic' depressive symptoms ... and if so treat that cause that will help ... vitamins and natural remedies to regulate hormones can make a huge difference!

    Keep a gratitude journal and every day right down the things that were good about that day even if in the beginning it seems like 'lame' things you are recording as you keep doing it you will eventually get to see the 'magical moments' in the day we often miss ... sometimes after dealing with a stressful situation our brain gets wired to focus only on the negative of that experience and we start seeing that 'everywhere' and we loose site of the good in our lives ... my spouse has PTSD and this is something I see in him often when something 'triggers' his memories of overseas he starts seeing that all around him and I have to help him reset his switch so to speak cause it just spirals out of control so easily!

    Sign up for some professional development either around daycare or business in general ~ IME being around others who are passionate about their business and career is contagious and they can help relight your pilot light so to speak and remind you what you loved about this once upon a time!

    Get out of the house and do something FUN for yourself ~ get your mind off business and focus on enjoying something .... I am a paper crafter so I enjoy 'creating' something to centre myself or going out and seeing other peoples work and getting inspired.

    I will be honest ... being in this field is like riding a roller coaster ... it has its ups and its down and both are 'normal' ... just have to stay on top of yourself to make sure your ride has more ups than downs
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

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  4. #3
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    I know what you're feeling. I have been through it... looking through the want ads every day, hateing getting up in the morning. It will pass.

    I found that my frustration comes when I feel trapped. Like I don't want to do this, but can't afford to not do this. I set up a strong savings account and keep adding to it. As long as I know that money's there I don't hate what I'm doing anymore. It's almost like if I know I don't have to, I'm ok with continueing.

    It's hard to take on a new child and transition them in when you're feeling like this.

    I would suggest that if you're going to take on a new one and go through the sucky transition phase that you only do it for FT care. It's quicker, and you see a bigger paycheque at the end of the week.

    Hang in there... it will pass... it will get easier and better. Take control, make your own rules and force parents to stick with them. No, they can't change the sleep times... you make the schedule, not them. And crying to the point of throwing up is a no go for me. I can't take that. They would be a "sorry, not working out" in my daycare.

    All the best, get some take out tonight and a bottle of wine and rent a movie and wake up tomorrow more refreshed.

  5. #4
    Euphoric ! mimi's Avatar
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    Littledragon, I was thinking the same things Reggio so eloquently stated. You let that psycho mom steal your passion. I've had a few passion stealers times as well, and this may seem pollyannaish, but I do make a mental list when I feel down of all the good in my life and how I am blessed I am.
    I also agree a check up with the doctor might be in order, as well as getting a different perspective by getting out of the house.
    Keep us posted on how you are feeling, we care and most of us have felt as you do on occasion.
    We take care of so many others and often we forget to care for ourselves.

  6. #5
    Expansive... dodge__driver11's Avatar
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    Take it from someone who knows--

    THIS IS NOT EASY.

    Some of the things I do to help with frustration/burn out are:

    -at nap time no matter how hard little ones are screaming/crying I take time to come here for support...I have my cup of tea, and forget that my daycare is in operation.

    -On days when I am having a very hard time mustering up the will to do dc we have a lot of outdoor play free reading and craft time, as well as some movie days, etc. Or sometime I call in my fill in and take a few hours to just do whatever...

    I know daycare can be a bit of a fin. burden, so you know what I cut back on the things that were nice to have...

    -We now have netflix, and I download and or watch my shows online
    -I shop on clearance racks more often
    -I am okay with buying some things at value village, and sally ann

    Never feel trapped this is the best decision that you made. Now that I have had a taste of being my own boss I would never do it any other way....My son would rather his mom be here for him, and I'd rather be the one to see his milestones.

    Chin up Dragon!
    Last edited by dodge__driver11; 09-24-2012 at 11:04 AM.

  7. #6
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    [QUOTE]I will be honest ... being in this field is like riding a roller coaster ... it has its ups and its down and both are 'normal' ... just have to stay on top of yourself to make sure your ride has more ups than downs /QUOTE]

    I think it is important to recognize that in any career, there are days we just can't do this anymore. So, we have a pity party, vent to friends, and then wake up one morning and decide it isn't so bad. I may be new at the daycare thing, but I've been married for 34 years. Some days I think my hubby is the most amazing man in the world, and sometimes I don't like him at all.... After all these years, that doesn't worry me anymore.

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  9. #7
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by treeholm View Post
    ....I may be new at the daycare thing, but I've been married for 34 years. Some days I think my hubby is the most amazing man in the world, and sometimes I don't like him at all.... After all these years, that doesn't worry me anymore.
    This is so very true ... your business is just like any relationship it takes effort and commitment to make it truly work! One does not want to accidentally throw the baby out with the bath water when all that was needed was some clean water to remedy the situation
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

  10. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by treeholm View Post
    Some days I think my hubby is the most amazing man in the world, and sometimes I don't like him at all.... After all these years, that doesn't worry me anymore.
    It's SO true!! And the second you start thinking but "John" down the street does the laundry, bathes the kids etc for HIS wife.....one day you'll hang out with "John" and see a, b & c things that he does or doesn't do that you would NOT want.....it's that old saying the grass is always greener.....but sometimes that means it's because it's fed with bullsh!t!

    Hang in there......how about changing up your routine so it's something new & different?
    Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Kids Back!!

  11. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mamma_Mia View Post
    It's SO true!! And the second you start thinking but "John" down the street does the laundry, bathes the kids etc for HIS wife.....one day you'll hang out with "John" and see a, b & c things that he does or doesn't do that you would NOT want.....it's that old saying the grass is always greener.....but sometimes that means it's because it's fed with bullsh!t!

    Hang in there......how about changing up your routine so it's something new & different?
    LOL i hear ya!! But to be totally honest, I have NO right to bitch about my husband lol sometimes I feel like he's a little too addicted to money and I am afraid sometimes that he will be upset about something when he really isn't. His boss called him yesterday and told him his section was being rearranged and his boss would no longer be his boss which meant his promotion wasn't as concrete as we originally thought...problem was, he never told me this so when he got super upset about the little girl leaving, I was confused and hurt because I didn't feel like he was supporting me. But he's better now. And he's on board with everything.

    And he supports me in every other way, too. We have a rule on the weekends where we can't leave the house Saturday until the bottom floor is clean and we have assigned rooms and we can't leave the house Sunday until the top floor is clean and we have assigned rooms. He does the laundry every weekend - I haven't done laundry in two years (mostly because he hates the way I do it LOL) and every now and then he'll clean up during the week. Household chores still become the brunt of some our "competition arguments" (who does more) but he comes home to a clean house and supper on the table so sometimes I have to remind him that I do A LOT during the day whether he sees it or not. We have a really great partnership and all the other dads around me are deadbeats LOL so I thank God every day for him...but sometimes...there's always those instances where I wish he would let me stay home without working...but honestly..it's not 1956 anymore..as much as I wish it was sometimes LMAO

    Anywho, I am feeling a lot better about everything today. And my patience is up and my desire to BE with the kids is up. I've also decided to take on some writing jobs on the side since this is my real passion and hopefully I will find a new child soon enough!!

    Thanks again everyone for your support. I love you all more than you even know!!!


    PS: if you need anything written, I'm your gal! LOL

  12. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mamma_Mia View Post
    It's SO true!! And the second you start thinking but "John" down the street does the laundry, bathes the kids etc for HIS wife.....one day you'll hang out with "John" and see a, b & c things that he does or doesn't do that you would NOT want.....it's that old saying the grass is always greener.....but sometimes that means it's because it's fed with bullsh!t!

    Hang in there......how about changing up your routine so it's something new & different?
    I meant this as a comparision on your current job vs getting another one. Think of your current job as your husband and a NEW job as "John" it isn't always GOOD but in the end it IS better!!
    Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Kids Back!!

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