Venting - Parents are worse than any child!!

[lisastayshome]

I am new to this website but I feel totally alone....no matter how many friends or family members I confide in they just don't understand. I am really hoping to vent to people who can understand.
I recently broke my own biggest rule and made adjustments to my contract to fill a space. I was having a hard time finding a playmate for one of the boys in my care around the age of 5 so when this family came around I was excited that I could finally give this boy a playmate his age. I went against my better judgement and accepted this family even though they created issues from day 1. I've bent over backwards for this family and nothing seems to make them happy. Request after request kept coming for changes so I finally sent them an email last night saying enough is enough, your contract will be considered null and void as of October 31st. It took my 3 months to get a signed contract from these people (I met them in June and he started in September) The mother would text me evenings and weekends and if I wouldn't get back to her right away she would send the same text or just a question mark. Rude...? I changed my fees and fee structure for them, vacation time, hours and also agreed to serve their child breakfast and get him dressed along with many other adjustments.
I'm starting to have chest pains due to the stress.
So many parents don't understand that this is a business and it's not always an easy job. I've had so many parents treat me like I'm beneath them and make comments to me about getting to stay home and watch tv all day. I've had more issues with parents than I've had with all the kids combined. I've had anxiety attacks before talking to difficult parents and dealing with these issues because I have been verbally attacked in the past.
I've tried talking to some of the daycare providers in my area and they brag about the great families they have....we do live in a very good neighborhood...is it just me finding these disrespectful parents or does anyone else out there have problems too? How far do you go to keep your families happy.......?

[Big Hearts]

I know how you feel. My husband had a friend from grad school, who was in need of daycare for his son. Because he was an old friend of my husband I said ok without much thought. Well they were never on time and got all up in a huff when I asked the for there late fee. This went off for some time; I didn’t do anything because his son and my son seemed to be getting along great. But finally I had to tell them to find care else were. It took me three months to find another kid and believe me cash was tight for that time. But I am so glad I did. It is tuff when the child is sweet but the parents suck. Have a nice hot bath a glass of wine and hang in there.

[Lou]

Holy MOLY you definitely bent way too far over backwards for these guys. I'm glad you're finishing with them!! Think of it as a learning experience you can use in the future. My only question is...WHY are you giving them so much notice?? I'd want them out of my hair!!!

[Play and Learn]

Yea, I'm with Lou. Because they're so demanding on you. I would have given them until the end of the week!

If you need help with contract/manual or anything at all, feel free to send me a PM with any questions/concerns. I do like to help other providers in need.

I hear ya on the

So many parents don't understand that this is a business and it's not always an easy job.

I have two businesses, and you have to keep that backbone, and trust that first gut instinct.

[michellesmunchkins]

I have a family like this that I've been putting up with for 18 months now. They are leaving next month on mat leave and I'm doing (as well as the rest of my family) a very happy dance!!! If you want to talk/vent/share experiences feel free to pm me

[Momof4]

Oh lisa, I'm sorry you got put into that bad situation but very happy you know that you have to terminate. I relate to what you said about have a big problem and nobody understanding in your family or circle of friends. I've been venting a lot about a family in my care and it sounds like little things to most people, but other caregivers who have been there done that really understand. Vent to us all you need. We've all been in your shoes.

But you know what? You learned how to spot red flags and run away from them next time. You learned a valuable lesson and that's important. We learn something new every day in our business. I hope you can relax and get over the stress and find a wonderful family next time.

[kidlove]

I have been exactly where you are, I am willing to bet that you are a very kind and caring person, and you show that to these parents. They are obviously willing to take advantage of your jenerousity rather than respect it. You are doing the right thing by finally putting your foot down, sounds like you should have done this a while ago. I can't say that I don't blame you for being upset but also can't say you didn't deserve it a little. ONLY because I am just like you and have been just where you are before. Some people will take take take and as long as you continue to give (and keep the stress unbeknownst to them) they will take some more. I have learned the hard way.....you have SET rules for a reason, they are in your contracts because you BELIEVE in them, that's the way you want to run YOUR business....so next time someone wants to move your contracts around (against your better judgement) ...remind yourself, they are trying to go against your SET rules and BELIEFS. Don't let anyone change your BUSINESS. I would either let them know everything needs to go back to YOUR rules and YOUR contract or they can find another provider who is willing to bend for them, but YOU can't do it anymore.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I am really sorry you are experiencing this.

I know sometimes 'seasoned providers' get painted in a tone of being hard ass inflexible persons who see the worst in clients but THESE experiences are why their skin gets a little harder .... IMO when someone comes to you asking you to put yourself on sale, to bend your business practices and so forth a huge old red flag should be going off in your head!

My own family did this to me when I was a newbie and it ended very badly ~ because they felt 'entitled' to the special they requested .... for them it was not SPECIAL at all and they had no gratitude or appreciation for what I was forgoing for the pleasure to 'serve them' ~ and yes that experience hardened me towards every other person who comes 'asking' for special as well!

I have very detailed and specific policies in place in my contract and parent handbook to cover my ass and ensure my business remains viable and a lot of thought and reflection went into those over the years based on past experiences ~ so now if anyone ASKS me to change them I would never do it simply because they ASKED ... cause with people like that if you give an inch they will eventually try to take a foot

IMO by asking someone to lower their fees or do something 'special' that no one else is getting basically are saying that they feel their needs supersede your own that they think they are entitled to 'special' and you should be so grateful for their business to give it too them .... that speaks volumes to the VALUE they place on your service and that fact that they would leave in a heartbeat if someone else offered them a 'better deal' or if you finally had to stand up and say 'no more deals' ... these are not clients who value the service and relationship you are trying to build, they are not going to be loyal or supportive when needed .... for them it is all about getting what they want for the least possible investment and while there are many business where that is 'fine' .... IMO offering childcare is not one of them!

Now that said while I can be a hardass when need be I am also often led by my emotions as well .... I have indeed bent my rules for persons who IMO would never have asked in the first place but I happened to see were truly struggling ~ over the years you learn to spot those people who would never 'expect' special and therefore are truly grateful when offered it. I have held a spot for a mat leave client at a discounted rate who was prepared to pay full price for it when I shared that the opening was coming up earlier than anticipated even if it meant cutting some drastic corners at home, I have negotiated to open earlier for a client who was struggling with staying within the hours after their family member who had been helping got ill and so forth those times when you see clients truly 'struggling' to stay within your policies ... but in all of those circumstances the client never ASKED cause they did not want to put you out with their problems and it was made clear that this was a one time / short term options because at that moment in time I was in a position to be generous and offer it but that if circumstances changed they would have to understand I could not longer do it.

[fruitloop]

How far do you go to keep your families happy.......?

I don't, I keep ME happy. I don't bend for anyone but myself. Like Reggio said, the reason we all seem so thick skinned and hard is because it's parents like this who have made us this way. Every policy I have in my policy/package I give to parents is there BECAUSE of parents. Every time a parent tries to take advantage or tries to screw me, my contract and policies get longer and longer. I have great families in care because I have made it that way. I don't get walked on because I show them I'm confident in my business and practice what I preach.

I wouldn't be giving these people so much notice either...do you think they'd give you the same respect if the tables were turned...I highly doubt it. You have to look out for #1 and do what makes YOU happy not what makes the parents happy.

[Connect]

Hello,
I have not started my home care as of yet but worked in a daycare centre. This field of taking care of other peoples's children is one that is very much disrespected. I too have had rude parents talk over me and being disrespectful. One of the ways I have come to dealing with difficult parents is by having the policies and contract ready to remind them of the rules. For example, I had one parent bring in their sick child constantly. The child would have diarrhea. After three diarrheas I would call the mom. The mom would show up and really fight to bring him in the next day. I would say something like, "according to our health policy your child must be diarrhea free for at least 24 hours before accepting him into our programme. This is for the health of the other children as well as your child." I find because people (staff, parents) thought I was easy to attack having a written document would help. I learned that we cannot go against our signed contracts and for good reason so that rules are applied to everyone! I also attended leadership courses that helped me become more assertive. I had a mentor tell me to speak out against something everyday to help you find your voice. For example, if your neigbour or spouse says something rude or you see something unbecoming speak out. This was hard. I had to start with speaking to actual strangers about anything in order to find my voice. For example, "is that paper towel brand a really good brand?" I have learned that no matter what you do all parents cannot be happy. I realize that as long as you are working hard to ensure the child is cared for to the best of your ability than that is all you should do. This is not about keeping the parent happy but the child. When parents start minimizing what you do. Say something like "I am here to ensure that your son has the best care. Today we will . . . and tell them what you have planned for your programme and how it will benefit him. All the best