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  1. #1
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    Really struggling - vent

    Hi all,

    I really hate coming here and whining about things but I just really need to vent with people who understand.

    I am really struggling. I am on the cusp of closing down. The problem is, I don't really have a choice to have a daycare at the moment, and I'm really not enjoying it so I'm feeling really trapped.

    Ever since psycho mom happened, I've been feeling like my daycare is tainted. I'm not really happy doing it anymore - for numerous reasons. I thought it would be OK if I could find someone to replace him easily and things would be smooth sailing. Well, I found a little girl - 13 months old. And I think it may have been a bad idea. She's only part-time - 3 days per week, full days. Last Friday was the first day for her to nap here. She screamed and cried until she threw up and I had to call mom to come pick her up. Now mom has emailed me today and said she's having a very hard time following my nap times and is wondering if there is any possibility in moving nap times up. She's not used to sleep training, so she doesn't know how to do it.

    Since my heart really isn't in it anymore, and I feel a little bit like I'm already burning out, I don't know if I have the energy or desire to help mom sleep train. I mean, if I were a mother and my daycare provider was telling me how to nap my child, I would give up and find a more suitable daycare. And maybe I'm looking for her to give up. I would like to let them go but I feel like I would be giving up too early and my husband wouldn't like losing that income - even though it's very minimal.

    I just don't know if I have the energy to break her in. I am really trying very hard to find an older child, who could play with my 2.5 year old and my son who is 14 months can continue playing with the 17 month old.

    I am currently looking for other jobs outside of the daycare but seeing as how I have my son and am not willing to put him in care until he's a little older, my options are very limited.

    My husband is up for a promotion which would allow me to keep only the children I currently have and not worry about finding more. But he works for the government and for anyone who has ever worked for the government, you know how everything takes FOREVER.

    I'm just feeling trapped and really sad. I don't think I am cut out for this. I mean, I'm really good at it when my heart is in it, but ever since psycho mom I feel very burnt out and tired. I am quick to becomes impatient and I just want to sleep all the time. It's probably a bit of a depression but I don't know how to come out of it.

    I know there isn't much advice I can get from this, but I just needed to vent with people who understand. A friend of mine told me that my heart isn't in it and it's not fair to me and the kids (which is true) and she suggested closing down. But she's a stay at home and doesn't understand that financially, closing the daycare isn't a possibility at this point.

    I just feel so....sad.

  2. #2
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    Sorry to read you are in a bad place at the moment .... and while I agree with your friend that if you heart is not 'in it' that it does have an effect on the program however it does not mean you have to close as the only option .... there are strategies you can put in place to get your passion back!

    Adversity, aka dealing with the challenging client you had to let go, can take a toll on us emotionally as well as physically ... this job can be very demanding and I think that is something that many people who enter into it do not realize thinking it will be all sunshine and roses all the time thinking only of how 'fun' children can be but overlooking that they are also emotional little beings who have so much to master still not to mention dealing with their parents and the financial aspect of this business.

    If closing down is not an option financially and working under the current 'cloud' is not an option either as it is no good for anyone I have a few suggestions of things that have worked for me to help 'revitalize' my spirits so to speak when I have hit a 'low' in my career.

    First make sure that you are not dealing with 'actual' depression and go see your DR ... get a hormone and vitamin panel done and see if you are low in Vitamin B or other things that can 'mimic' depressive symptoms ... and if so treat that cause that will help ... vitamins and natural remedies to regulate hormones can make a huge difference!

    Keep a gratitude journal and every day right down the things that were good about that day even if in the beginning it seems like 'lame' things you are recording as you keep doing it you will eventually get to see the 'magical moments' in the day we often miss ... sometimes after dealing with a stressful situation our brain gets wired to focus only on the negative of that experience and we start seeing that 'everywhere' and we loose site of the good in our lives ... my spouse has PTSD and this is something I see in him often when something 'triggers' his memories of overseas he starts seeing that all around him and I have to help him reset his switch so to speak cause it just spirals out of control so easily!

    Sign up for some professional development either around daycare or business in general ~ IME being around others who are passionate about their business and career is contagious and they can help relight your pilot light so to speak and remind you what you loved about this once upon a time!

    Get out of the house and do something FUN for yourself ~ get your mind off business and focus on enjoying something .... I am a paper crafter so I enjoy 'creating' something to centre myself or going out and seeing other peoples work and getting inspired.

    I will be honest ... being in this field is like riding a roller coaster ... it has its ups and its down and both are 'normal' ... just have to stay on top of yourself to make sure your ride has more ups than downs
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

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  4. #3
    apples and bananas
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    I know what you're feeling. I have been through it... looking through the want ads every day, hateing getting up in the morning. It will pass.

    I found that my frustration comes when I feel trapped. Like I don't want to do this, but can't afford to not do this. I set up a strong savings account and keep adding to it. As long as I know that money's there I don't hate what I'm doing anymore. It's almost like if I know I don't have to, I'm ok with continueing.

    It's hard to take on a new child and transition them in when you're feeling like this.

    I would suggest that if you're going to take on a new one and go through the sucky transition phase that you only do it for FT care. It's quicker, and you see a bigger paycheque at the end of the week.

    Hang in there... it will pass... it will get easier and better. Take control, make your own rules and force parents to stick with them. No, they can't change the sleep times... you make the schedule, not them. And crying to the point of throwing up is a no go for me. I can't take that. They would be a "sorry, not working out" in my daycare.

    All the best, get some take out tonight and a bottle of wine and rent a movie and wake up tomorrow more refreshed.

  5. #4
    Euphoric ! mimi's Avatar
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    Littledragon, I was thinking the same things Reggio so eloquently stated. You let that psycho mom steal your passion. I've had a few passion stealers times as well, and this may seem pollyannaish, but I do make a mental list when I feel down of all the good in my life and how I am blessed I am.
    I also agree a check up with the doctor might be in order, as well as getting a different perspective by getting out of the house.
    Keep us posted on how you are feeling, we care and most of us have felt as you do on occasion.
    We take care of so many others and often we forget to care for ourselves.

  6. #5
    Expansive... dodge__driver11's Avatar
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    Take it from someone who knows--

    THIS IS NOT EASY.

    Some of the things I do to help with frustration/burn out are:

    -at nap time no matter how hard little ones are screaming/crying I take time to come here for support...I have my cup of tea, and forget that my daycare is in operation.

    -On days when I am having a very hard time mustering up the will to do dc we have a lot of outdoor play free reading and craft time, as well as some movie days, etc. Or sometime I call in my fill in and take a few hours to just do whatever...

    I know daycare can be a bit of a fin. burden, so you know what I cut back on the things that were nice to have...

    -We now have netflix, and I download and or watch my shows online
    -I shop on clearance racks more often
    -I am okay with buying some things at value village, and sally ann

    Never feel trapped this is the best decision that you made. Now that I have had a taste of being my own boss I would never do it any other way....My son would rather his mom be here for him, and I'd rather be the one to see his milestones.

    Chin up Dragon!
    Last edited by dodge__driver11; 09-24-2012 at 11:04 AM.

  7. #6
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    [QUOTE]I will be honest ... being in this field is like riding a roller coaster ... it has its ups and its down and both are 'normal' ... just have to stay on top of yourself to make sure your ride has more ups than downs /QUOTE]

    I think it is important to recognize that in any career, there are days we just can't do this anymore. So, we have a pity party, vent to friends, and then wake up one morning and decide it isn't so bad. I may be new at the daycare thing, but I've been married for 34 years. Some days I think my hubby is the most amazing man in the world, and sometimes I don't like him at all.... After all these years, that doesn't worry me anymore.

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  9. #7
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    I agree with previous posters that you should have a chat with your doctor. As our profession is an isolated one for the most part, I can only imagine that can add to depressive symptoms as well. When you spend your day caring for others, we have to remember that self-care is equally important.

    I started my daycare back in March to be at home with my Daughter after a bad daycare experience (that, and I returned to my pre-mat leave job for 5 months and it had changed substantially and was HORRIBLE, and I was struggling there). I am finding I am loving the day to day of operating a daycare, however when I start thinking long term of what I have done to my career (my previous career) and what will I do after this (when my kids are in school) I start to get really down and depressed. What helps me come back from it is reminding myself that no matter what the future holds, I will never regret this time at home with my daughter. It is such a gift me to be the one who gets to be there for all her milestones and all the precious moments I may otherwise be missing.
    Don't let that crazy lady make you forget why you're doing this too. Things will start getting better soon!

  10. #8
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    You know what I realised when I started my daycare... is that here, bad days are SOOOO bad. This job have lots of UPs but when you are having a bad day, you can't walk away from the situation, you cant think about yourself and when you are not feeling well ...chances are EVERYBODY will feel and follow your vibe. At least for me when I was stressed about money, tired and sick that's when kids would not sleep, I would get peed on, or the little ones would not eat, fight, brake things ...BLAH all in a day. It's really difficult to get over it. My trick is I have a 'chatt' with my husband. I tell him what I feel like I need and he will try to give it to me and it also helps to talk it out ... The closest person to you will help you sort out your feelings and you can make clearer decisions.

    And I totaly agree with everything reggio says ( Such a wise one that Reggio ) ...happiness is really in the little things. So whatever you need to try ... do it before making a decision you MAY regret.

    Good luck !

  11. #9
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by treeholm View Post
    ....I may be new at the daycare thing, but I've been married for 34 years. Some days I think my hubby is the most amazing man in the world, and sometimes I don't like him at all.... After all these years, that doesn't worry me anymore.
    This is so very true ... your business is just like any relationship it takes effort and commitment to make it truly work! One does not want to accidentally throw the baby out with the bath water when all that was needed was some clean water to remedy the situation
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

  12. #10
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    Hello,
    It's hard to keep going when sadness and exhaustion takes place in our mind and body. I can relate because when I was working I encountered situations that somehow affected my mood and my enthusiasm for my job. I also developed sad feelings and my heart to be there was no longer in it. I finally decided to take a leave and did so. I also went into therapy as this never happened to me before. Before I was a lively, bubbly, always on the go person. Over the months my therapy sessions enlightened me on possible causes for my "interruption." Anyway, I was encouraged to go back and was going to when I started to get anxietal as the go to back to work day approached. In the end, I decided not to go back. It is hitting us financially, but we are managing. Right now, I decided to open in the new year and take care of myself. That is all I can do. Take care of myself and my children-something I did not fully before as I was always on the go taking care of other people's children and some adults at work. So, go to your doctor and let him/her know how you are feeling. Take care of yourself. I strongly urge you to do things you enjoy. It is taking me almost a year to overcome my feelings of sadness and low self-worth, but I am happy to report that I am getting back my groove. Working on setting up my home care and taking care of my children to connect with them is helping me. All the best and many hugs for you.

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