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  1. #1
    Shy
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    Stress with hubby since opening

    I opened my home for daycare in June. I also have 4 kids of my own ranging from teenaged to 3 yrs old. I have been a stay at home mom since my first was born. I am having a problem getting my husband to accept that I am working really really hard all day long with my 3 daycare kids. I guess the stress comes from me not feeling like I should have to do everything now that I am working too. I work longer hours than my hubby, but am still expected to cook dinner, do laundry, do baths, tidy up, do shopping, deal with all banking, get my own young ones ready and in to bed, etc etc., while he sits on the couch evenings and weekends. Grrrrrrrrrrrr
    I am so mad. I guess I just need a place to vent...so thank you, but was wondering if others have gone through this and how you get through it. I am also so resentful because he takes week long vacations with the guys and leaves me to do everything.

  2. #2
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    Yeah I get it, my husband was kind of the same ...' Well your at home...' was how he put it. Yeah but not to be your maid. I told him once that I would send him a bill for my services. That's when he listen to me hahaha. My husband is cheap LOL Seriously he does work long hours and weekends however so what we did is devide the chores. Ofcourse I have more to do than him but the things he does REALLY REALLY helps me out and since everyone does what is expected than there is no fighting. I've had to sit down and have serious talks with my husband and say things that were difficult but talking really is the best way to be heard right ? However, now my husband as seen what I do in a day and he admits now that my job is hard and he knows why I am exhausted sometimes

    Ask him to give you a weekend at the spa.... by yourself for your B-day or Christmas or just because ;0)

    Anyway good luck.

  3. #3
    Euphoric !
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    My husband works two jobs and When the daycare opened I still looked after everything. Like everybody else my first year was slow but just as I was entering my second year I filled up and all the kids started within two weeks of each other ... So I told my husband that he was responsible for getting our kids up and dressed for the day and the school age ones on the bus as I will be down in the daycare. He does cook diner on the weekends and I am always harassing him to put his dishes in the dishwasher to help me and to set a good example for the kids ..... As far as the house work is considered he helps with the laundry but little else ( he is chronically Ill ). So to relieve the stress from me and to give me back some of my weekends I hired a cleaning service .... Currently they come every two weeks but I am debating on upping it to every week. I'm tired of stressing about it ... Tired of not having time to clean.... Tired of my feet sticking to the floor.... So I took it in to my own hands and hired someone and for my time and sanity it's worth the money .... My husband is actually the one saying we should increase to weekly .... We will when he's ready to pay for the extra week.

  4. #4
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    Oh hon ~ men are from MARS!


    I empathize ... when my spouse and I were first together and I worked outside the home (in a childcare centre doing exactly what I do now BTW just outside the house) my spouse was AWESOME with helping out without being asked ~ he did all the laundry, washed dishes, cleaned bathrooms and so forth and he got home from work first so he prepped and started dinner we had this natural team work thing going on with each just 'stepping up'.

    As soon as I started working from home it STOPPED and all off a sudden I was supposed to be this June Cleaver who was suppose to be meeting him at the door with his slippers and a pipe or something while dinner was waiting for him on the table ... he would get snotty and bitchy if there was a crumb on the floor in the kitchen or if the kids didn't flush the toilet or if he tripped over a toy that was missed at tidy up time .... I was going to KILL him

    I admit that I myself thought being home would be 'easier' and in many ways it IS because I can toss a load of laundry in on my 'lunch break' or I can get dinner started and I get to do way more baking of things from scratch during nap time and so forth but there is a difference between being able to make life a little easier for BOTH of us and all of a sudden everything domestic being MY JOB and feeling like I am working TWO full time jobs ... I finally had to sit down and have a heart to heart with him about feeling like I was DROWNING in work all the time if it was not the 'daycare business work' it was the 'shared housework' of the house even going on a 'holiday' was no longer fun for me because it meant I had to rush around prior or after catching up on groceries, cleaning and so forth before clients came back to the house ... and he eventually stepped up but it is a constant 'reminder' thing now of me having to say 'hey need more help over here' which frustrates the bloody hell out of me because for the first 3 years of our partnership I never had to ASK and do not feel I should have to now!

    It is that double standard that when we work OUT of the house it is easier for them to remember and visualize that we do indeed WORK so they need to help out around the house but when we work FROM the house suddenly they start forgetting that we are still WORKING cause all they see is we are 'at home' and in their little pea brains we should be able to be getting these things done between eating bon bons and finger painting with the kids!

    I know the one thing that really helped open my mans eyes was I made him cover for me while I went to a DR appointment .... seriously the kids were sleeping for most of it all he had to do was get them up, do washroom routine / diapers, feed them snack which I had PREPPED and ready to go, wash up sunscreen them and go outside with them .... I was gone less than TWO HOURS over an hour of which was NAP TIME still and I came home and every bloody toy was strewn on the floor, the kitchen blew up all the snack dishes were still on the table the wash clothes tossed on top and foyer carpet was all twisted and he is outside sitting in a chair looking like he'd ran a marathon. He took one look at me and said 'I do not know how you make it look so EASY' ... um ya no shit Sherlock I work HARD to make it look so easy to you
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

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  6. #5
    Shy
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    Hello,
    I am with you. While I was working full time 5 days during the week my hubby was working Friday, Sat, Sun, Mon. With 3 days off in between. My children were in full time daycare, I was working as a full time daycare employee and had to take care of finances and responsible for anything related to the girls in school or daycare such as finding out dates for parent teacher interviews and signing permission forms along with making dinners and doing laundry. I was a mess! So in comes as no surprise that I crashed and decided enough was enough and quit! Literallly, I quit everything. No laundry, no cleaning, no full-time job. All gone. Well it took this for hubby to come to realize that there were reasons why I used to give him things to do during his time off. This summer after some down time for myself we actually got some renovations done! There is no money now but better than having leaky roofs and walls. My goodness he works in renovations! Anyway now he is a little better but I have come to understand that somehow I have conditioned him to be spoiled and that needs to stop. SOME can be so weak! We women are strong and yet they are seen as harder working just because they work outside the home. Albeit I know that he also is a great father and sometimes a better cook since he did cook a little but still I felt everything was on me. I think you may need to write down responsibilities for each member since you mentioned you have teenagers they need to pitch in too. Including the three yr old who can help by placing dishes in the sink. I have resorted to having TO DO signs for most used areas in my home due to people "forgetting." So for example, I have a sign on how to change a paper roll. This was needed because I would see paper rolls on the floor and bathroom tissue on the toilet instead of the paper roll holder!

  7. #6
    Euphoric !
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    I hear ya I went on a course one Saturday and I left before anyone was up .... When I got home at 530 dinner was made but we could not sit down at the table to eat it because the breakfast and lunch dishes were still there .... The dishwasher was full of clean dishes and the counters were full from one end to the other. The kids were still in their pjs and my husband was laying on the couch .... I took one look around and with my "mean face" I said "this better be cleaned by the time you go to bed". And I sat on the couch and waited for dinner to be served : )

  8. #7
    Euphoric ! mimi's Avatar
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    After the d/c kids leave it is straight to prep for supper. My husband will help when asked. I would just like to have him show some initiative so I don't have to manage him. I've managed all day and don't want to do it with my family at this point in the day. I also pointed out to my husband he has the drive home to chill, listen to music and wind down and I go from one job to the next with no break. I have to say though, when he comes home, he does lend a hand with the kids like playing with the young ones so I can do some clean up. These guys need to be told what to do and then most will lend a hand I just wish I would hear the words "honey, let me make dinner tonight" sigh

  9. #8
    Starting to feel at home... Toregone's Avatar
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    The other day my hubby got home and I asked if he could cook supper because I was wiped. Before he could answer his buddy called and during the phone call jokes were made about "Yeah, home all day and still asking me to cook!" I didn't say anything but yesterday he happened to have the day off from work so I got him to help me take the kids on a field trip to a far away park for a picnic. He was exhausted by the time we got home and all he had to do was help me supervise.

    My hubs is usually stellar about helping with housework and understanding that I do work even if I am home but even he needs reminders every now and then.

  10. #9
    Euphoric ! kidlove's Avatar
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    He's a M-A-N. Your not, so you will NEVER understand, (nor do you want to) Men think no...Men Believe they are "God's gift" to all, including the "fortunate" woman they chose as their, love slave/super slave. !!!!!!!! word to the wise: if you are married to a man anything like my husband or the average "puffed chest, I am MAN hear me roar" you are better off beating your head against a brick wall, rather than trying to change him in any way. IF you did all the housework, raised the kids (alone pretty much) made every meal, paid every bill?.by yourself before.......then CONTINUE with AAAAAAAAAAALLL, that AND your new job, dont forget to don the black nighty every once in a while too, cuz hon!!!!!! theres no changin a M-A-N. I tried.

  11. #10
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    Actually, my husband is the opposite. He wants to help with day home like tidying up the toys, books etc. He works outside too in fact he has a very stressful job it even effected his health. But I tell him not to touch anything as I want him to rest. He comes from work and cooks too and because his delicious foods I put on weight at least 8kg, now trying to loose

    I don't let him do any household chores unless I'm sick. We both trying to reduce the work load from each other. But again we are newly married with no kids yet. I'm just hoping he won't change

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