Dealing with tattle tailing?

[momof2cuties]

The daycare kids don't really like my son. He is a big boy (so they think he is on the same level as them) but he is younger (2 but looks 3) he has a few developmental delays so he doesn't communicate well. He can be a little rough but I worked with him on that. Now anytime he walks by one particular daycare child and even brushes up against him that daycare child will say my son hit him, when he clearly didn't. We go through this several times a day. If my son touches a toy other daycare child is playing with, the daycare child will scream, sequel etc. I'm a little lost on how to handle it?? Any suggestions??

[dodge__driver11]

The classic line that my grandmother used (I was raised by her) and I use to this day is:

"Are you saying that to help xxxx or are you trying to get them in trouble?"

If the child is around 3-4 they know what this means.


-I check out the situation
-I ask what happened

The offender usually goes to "sit" until they are able to say sorry to thier friend for telling a fib.

[mimi]

I have a dcb who will be 3 in one month. He is a tall, solid boy who looks a year older than he really is. He is also an only child. When he started with my at 15 months, he was a pusher, hitter and a biter. Naturally the kids were not fond of him. His parents were so proud of their big boy who could rule the roost with strong armed ways. Over time I got him to choose words over braun and he has become alot better but the kids still can't get over their first impression of him. He is tolerated by them and they do not seek him out as a playmate unless I encourage it through a group activity. The kids also used him as a scape goat for blame and were super sensitive should dcb touch them in a gentle way. I spoke to the kids many times about accepting dcb and see how he doesn't do what he used to but the stigma is still there. Encouraging note: Some of these dck's have gone on to JK and the replacement little ones love him and he is very protective of them. I understand it is tough seeing your son not accepted, but keep showing him the kind way to be in this world and he will be fine. Good luck

[Momof4]

I watch the children very carefully but we can't see every little tiny thing that happens, it just isn't humanly possible. That sounds like what is going on at your house. There are always the overly dramatic kids who will say something happened when you are out of the room but use your best judgement. That's all you can do.

Here are the lines I use all the time with tattletale type children:
Don't tell me, tell your friend.
Use your words and talk about it with your friend.

[dodge__driver11]

I also do the same as mom of 4--I tell them to use thier words if someone has hurt them.

[gcj]

Yeah, I also encourage the kids to tell the "offender" (whether it's real or not) what they didn't like/appreciate. Around here they tatle tale for ridiculous things. Like x is singing loud. If it's like that I say "oh yeah? How nice!" But, of course if it's dangerous or not nice, that doesn't work
It also in better received if another child is saying "hey I don't like what you're doing. Stop" than if it comes from me. And it empowers the "vicitim" And if it's not true, well then they won't randomly tell other kids to "stop"

[kidlove]

tattling had become such a "regular" thing for a while because ALL my kids were getting older 3's and 4's, (they KNOW the rules and try to enforce them all day long) or (would get upset with someone and just tattle to get them in trouble) SO.....I started a New Rule. "Tattling is Time-Out!" When someone would come to me to tattle (waste of time tattle) "he hit me" or "she won't share" I would respond with..."what's the rule?" they would say "tattle is time out!" I would ask the "tattler" if they wanted to go to time-out? of course they would say "no". So I would tell them to "work it out". Talk it over, tell your friend you dont like that kind of play, or that was too hard, or please share with me and I will share with you.
Encourage kids to work out their own "troubles" rather than run to an adult everytime something doesn't go their way. Builds communication skills, and get them OFF YOUR BACK!

I do ocassionally say "is he hurt or bleeding?" they will laugh, then I say "go work it out!"

[playfelt]

One of the best ways to handle something like this if you are reasonably sure that your son did not hit, grab, hurt etc. is to ignore it. The child is simply looking for attention as a "victim" so don't play into her game. Choose a catch phrase to say each time it happens like "sorry that isn't my problem". It then forces the child to learn other ways of handling situations. And yes she may get agressive and choose a method you don't like but then at least you have something to deal with. Always stepping in and taking over for your son in dealing with other kids is not going to give him the experience and confidence he needs to be able to tell them no, or stop or leave me alone or I did not touch you or whatever.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I had pinned this blog cause she has an awesome post about the difference between 'tattling and telling' and ideas for working through this stage with different age groups.... there is a great little poster you can print for the playroom!

http://allthingskatiemarie.blogspot....attle-jar.html