Can I vent here?

[mrsplante]

I've had quite the day already and could really use a place to vent. This morning one of my clients let me know, via text, that she was moving. Here's the story:
I responded to her ad on kijiji looking for childcare. I bent my rules a bit and allowed her 18 month old to come into my care. Found out she was actually moving from 7 hours away and that she wouldn't be here til this past weekend. She asked me a thousand questions, had me jump through a thousand more hoops -she was texting me constantly throughout the day. Last week she got a call from her apartment that it wouldn't be ready for her until the 15th of October. She needed a new place. I did all the searching, did a walk through, sent her pictures and she decided she liked it. Then the company had another set of tenants on the hook and she couldn't get her money to them fast enough. So, I loaned her the money for the deposit (note, I hadn't even met her yet...so perhaps that was a stupid move on my part.) She moved in on Saturday, the power wasn't on and neither was the heat, I brought her hot water from my house to hers two days. Then this morning she says it's too hard, she can't do it and is moving back. I only got half a months deposit. She did pay me back the damage deposit for the apartment at least.
I'm so frustrated!!!! I bent over backwards COMPLETELY for her and now I've lost my only real assured spot - she signed a contract with the gov't for a year...I thought she was for sure. I could scream. Are all clients this much work? My God, it makes me want to have the highest standards so I only get perfect clients...but I feel like if anything I need to lower my standards to the point of allowing myself to get burned out in order to have a freaking kid in my care! The other two parents I have are already taking advantage of me. (I haven't even started yet, I start on the 9th)...one of them is paying me waaaay less than she should for family issues (was a friend of mine at one point), and the other is taking as much advantage as she can with her one year old who doesn't eat food or hold is own bottle!!

[Inspired by Reggio]

Vent away ~ I will admit I got a bit burnt out just reading that ... and IMO if you keep up with going through those extents to get a client you will indeed get burnt out!

IMO there is nothing wrong with keeping your standards HIGH and attracting the clients who are a pleasure to serve ~ to be honest those of us who have managed to stay in this business long term have done so because we learned early on that it is better to take a hit in pay for the short term and WAIT for the perfect client than to deal with the mental stress and emotional heart ache of taking on a client who is not WORTHY of your service and kind heart cause it never ends well you either end up getting screwed over financially in the long run OR you end up with a client who you have to terminate cause they are just too much!

The challenge with this industry is that we naturally tend to be 'nurturers' who get into this field cause you need that ability to be willing to 'serve others' in order to thrive in this .... we tend to be people who get some level of internal joy in doing nice things for others aside from just the $$$ .... the trick is to find the balance to being able to fulfill that 'need' to want to do nice things for others and wearing your business hat to make sure that WE, aka the business, comes first in every decision we make!

There were some red flags with this client ~ next time hold out for someone whose got their act together and has actually MADE the move before committing to them

[Lou]

Oh goodness my dear she TOTALLY took advantage of your kindness!! In my opinion, you went way way WAY too far to help this client and I literally gasped when I read that you loaned her the deposit! I'm sooo relieved (and surprised!) you go it back though.
No, not all clients are this much work by far...and it's important to remember to maintain a professional business owner and client relationship. It is not your responsibility to do anything other than take great care of her little one, while she is responsible for following your contracted guidelines.
Keep your chin up, keep advertising and take this as a lesson learned in looking for red flags. Please don't do this to yourself again! (((hugs))) for all the stress!

[mrsplante]

Thanks. There definitely were red flags....such as - he's a vegetarian, who is lactose intolerant, who can't have his food cooked with anything but coconut or olive oil (of the best variety), who must eat quinoa and spaghetti squash...list goes on. (And of course I've already purchased much of his dietary needs...gr) In that sense it's a blessing...but my husband is putting extreme pressure on me to find someone - even to the extent that he wants me to take on another 1 yo (cuz that's what everyone is looking for)...I will most certainly burn out if I do that, but he doesn't understand.

Thanks again for letting me vent.

[sunnydays]

My mouth actually fell open when I read your post because I could not believe that you would take on finding this woman an apartment and loaning her money!!! This is completely outside of the bounds of a daycare providers job. The only thing you need to do for a client is provide good, safe, loving care to their children. Nothing more!!! And you do not need to lower your fees or ben dover backwards for anyone. That is NOT a part of this job! Chalk it up to experience and next time do not offer anything extra of yourself that is not directly in the job description of daycare provider. Sorry this happened to you

[Crayola kiddies]

I make my families supply anything that is a special dietary need. You need to decide what you offer and what you don't and stick to it .... And good grief don't lend clients money .. Especially ones you have never met. Good luck

[Naftafia]

What a horribly stressful situation... but you are way better off because I can't imagine how it would of been to cater to this kind of person! Not sure of the exact expression but something on the lines of "you give an inch and they take a mile"! So as everyone has said on this thread and so many others it is soooo important to clearly identify your limits and your boundaries and stick to them. I understand that you did all of this out of kindness, however you were setting yourself up to be taken advantage of, as this lady quickly realized how important this arrangement was for you!T
The money is important of course but your sanity and well being is alot more important
As for the other clients, it is time to apply the above advice to them to: set your rules and stick to them or you are only making it harder for you and your family.
Good luck.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Wow ~ the comment about your spouse pressuring you to fill your spots ~ IMO that sucks more than the dealing with the client who just left

I cannot imagine doing this without the full support and trust of my spouse ~ yes he bitches a bit sometimes about sharing the space with the daycare and the amount of storage the daycare items take up and how one day he dreams of having a man cave where my playroom is but he is more just joking and is 100% supportive of WHY we are doing this and the goals it is helping us to achieve aside from 'me earning an income' ... we actually downsized our mortgage and other household bills to allow me to have a business plan that does not require me to be 'full' so that I can have the flexibility to find the perfect addition to the program because he too does not want to be sharing his home with just 'anyone and their child' nor does he want me putting my sanity or health at risk by taking on more infants than I can handle ... I have openings right now as well but I have saved up for the 'low times' to get me through and am holding out for the perfect addition who I just know is out there waiting to find me

[jazmic]

Haha! My mouth fell open too! You've got to promise me that you won't do this for anybody else! lol. Can you imagine the precedent you'd be setting with this client? Any time anything went wrong, she'd be right there asking you to step into the breech. You would basically be caring for two people instead of one. My gosh! You're very kind hearted, but honestly... you need to form clear boundaries. You are the daycare provider. Not the mother, sister or bff.

[mrsplante]

I promise I won't do that again. I've learned my lesson.

In regards to my husband - that's where the story becomes even longer. He is VERY supportive of me, let me explain. When I was half way through my mat leave, he took a different job (dream job for $20,000 less a year) and with that significant pay cut came more financial stress. As I've been on leave we've been able to make ends meet but with no cushion financially. So, when I say he's pressuring me, it's because he's exhausted from carrying such a financial burden. He thinks the world of me and is sure that I could handle 3 one year olds...he doesn't realize just how much stress it would be.

And as for the client I lost...part of my reason in extending so much to her is that she was leaving her husband and house for her dream job because the market is too bad to sell the house. She has no friends here and doesn't know anyone, so I was trying to help her as much as I could. My bad.