Mixed feelings, just sharing !

[crafty]

Well today is a good and bad day. It is my first experience caring for 6 kids all at once. I have 2 19 month old, one 20 month old, a two year old and 2 3.5 year olds. I am loving my house full of kids, I love the energy around me and I love seeing them play and palying with them and for the most part all is going well. We played outside, we made our monthly calendar had free play that went well. I am just really loving it.

However things have not been so good with this new 3 year old girl I have coming temporarly one day a week. Just doing a favor for neihgbours. Parents had a baby and realised they may have pulled her out of daycare to soon. She is very smart, very energetic but very stubburn and I think ... malicious but I"m still not sure if it's 'normal' behaviour even if it is unacceptable. I have a 3 year old of my own and care for a 4 year old this summer but never felt I needed to FEAR a child. A few times when my back was turned ... a young one is crying right beside her. In one incident I beleive she actually put her foot in the face of the 20 month old. Now he is not bruised and she said it was an accident but I have my doubts ... I know she is having a hard time at home and all so I just want to give her a chance but I"m starting the fear leaving her alone with the small ones while I change diapers or whatever. I've had to send her in a time out today for BANGING in my door with a toy that seperates the nap room. That door is a french door so she banged right in the window after I repetedly asked her to NOT PLAY WITH THE DOOR PLEASE. I have raised my voice and have been stern with her more in a day than I have with all kids combined all week long. However she does listen well when I do use a stern voice. She usually will not push the limits... asside from the door incident. Most of the time I can 'control' the behavior I do not tolorate in my house. I find that I always have to be extra stern with her and I do not like it. I sooooo feel like I'm so mean and the small kids will think so. How do you handle situations like this where you need to POLICE all the time ? She should know better at her age right ? Like not taking toys away, not bagning toys together and certainly not hurting other kids. I do not want to terminate at this point but I need advice. Is too much discipline bad ? I try to encourage and praise good behaviour and get her involved in activities like coloring, puzzles or helping me with lunch and snacks but she is either uninterested or finds a way to still do something that is inapropriate.

Do you have situations like this and how do you handle them ? I just do not want to have negative energy whenever she is around and I am not ready to say I AM TERMINATING. I have not reached the end of my leash with her yet but I want to prevent that from happenning. Luckly she is temporary and the kids that will be joinning us this winter will be 12 months old

Thanks for reading !!

[playfelt]

The behavoiur should settle down as life develops a routine at home. What she is doing right now is testing every rule have ever had just to be sure that life is ok. And it is ok to call her on it saying things like the rules did not change it is still not allowed at my house; You can be as angry as you want about the new baby and all the confusion at your house but at my house you are expected to follow the rules - things like that. In essence you are telling her over and over that life is ok.

Expect that she is extra tired cause the baby wakes and cries frequentlly in the night and even if she doesn't wake up she will be roused up so not as sound a sleep. Routine is out the window right now and she is unsure what she can count on - maybe even not getting supper at the usual hour if mom has to stop to feed baby, that sort of thing.

That doesn't mean you don't have to deal with the behaviour and make her shadow you. Tell her right up that you can no longer trust her to play properly so she has to stay within your eyesight at all times till she learns to treat others with respect. She may just welcome the extra adult attention which isn't what she is getting at home.

Can you suggest she come more often than once a week. That is the only way for her to feel like she belongs at your house still. One day a week she is like a fly on the wall that doesn't matter and she is making her presence known.

[crafty]

Awsome playfelt thanks for putting words on exactly what she is feeling as well as what I am doing. I have asked for the parents to send her 2 times / week . It was our initial agreement but they decided to enroll her in some classes instead.

[mimi]

Well said Playfelt! I especially agree with her coming more than once a week. She is upset about the upheaval at home (I remember not being impressed at the age of 4 when my little bro arrived. I clearly remember asking "why does he have to stay with us?") and probably misses her d/c friends and the routine.

[cfred]

Yes, I agree with her coming more than once per week too. It's pretty tough to build up routine with one day. I had a 2.5 yr old until my recent move. Her mum is pregnant and I noticed a change in the girl's behaviour once she figured out what was going on....some of which you noted. Of course, you must be stern when it's warranted. I found having 'special moments' just with her also helped...very imtimate and very focused. I'm sure your girl is feeling quite displaced and just not sure where she fits into everything, but she's bent of making her presence known by any means necessary. When she's behaving appropriately, just slather on the love...maybe comment that she must be a wonderful big sister. Lots of hugs, cuddles and praise for being such a wonderful, special person. She's no longer queen of the castle and I'm sure she feels it. It certainly helped with my little one.