Awkward decision...what would you do?

[mimi]

First off congrats on being full! I wish I had your problem. Aside from that, I agree with the majority as well, you did sign a contract, collect a deposit and you do like this other family. IMO it is the right thing to do otherwise what is the contract for? Also, one thing I have consistantly noticed is that same age/sex kids don't always play together. From what I see, the kids who are more like minded/attitude come together so I wouldn't be so concerned to have another girl your daughters age.

[Inspired by Reggio]

Mimi so true ~ this past summer I had a 16 month old and a 4 year old thick as thieves all summer ... older one sharing his passion and expertise for trains with the younger one who shared the passion!

[fruitloop]

I would stick with the original family you signed on. You committed to them when you signed them on and they gave you a deposit. I don't think it would be morally right do back out on them because another family "might" be a good fit. You don't know if your dd and this other girl will get along...some kids are holy terror, some kids just don't mesh well with other kids. It's always a gamble. You don't want your name being dragged through the mud and being known as "the provider who doesn't hold up to her end of commitment". JMO.

[dodge__driver11]

I have my 4/yo and a 1 y/o.

My little guy often takes the lead, and helps her clean etc. He sees it as a "chance to teach" and loves to feel neeeded --perhaps there is a silver lining to this

[Cocoon]

If you believe that the other family would be better for your child then I would go with the other family and return the deposit back. It is your business and the best part is you are the boss. I also believe in karma but this has nothing to do with it. And the family you offered the place has time until January it's not like you leaving them in lurch. Good luck.

[playfelt]

How long have you had the deposit from the first family in the sense of would they be starting over completely to find care or is it very recent in the sense that they could probably recontact someone else on their list.

I have turned a family down in the past for similar reasons but it was the other way around. I had taken on an older child based on having an older child in care but without warning family decided to put child in daycare centre. I let the familly know that had signed using that as an excuse and gave them the out which they took. It allowed me to take an infant which is what I wanted to do at that point.

The downside to an older child coming into care is that they tend to come with baggage from a previous care situation and it isn't always good - as in be sure to get all of the details of why they are looking for new care or why they were let go from their fist care.

Business is business and if it was only that then honouring the signed contract goes along with that. But in family daycare it is all about our own families and their happiness too. If your daughter is losing her playmate and you have the chance to find her a new one then to a certain extent you owe that to her. If you did take the older child be honest with the signed family that due to changes in your daycare you now find it necessary to enrol an older child as a playmate for your daughter. Sure they will be mad but at the same time if they can't appreciate the importance of your obligations to your daughter then there is an element of selfishness on their side too.

If your daughter isn't happy with your daycare will you and the other children be able to be happy. On the other hand she will learn to play with whatever age mix you present to her and that is part of life too. I think the only reason it is ok in this case to change the contract is that there has been a change in your daycare since signing and that the family still has 3 months to find alternate care.

[sunnydays]

Playfelt, it has only been a couple of weeks...so no, they wouldn't be starting over completely and they do have time...although I know that I was their first choice and it may be hard to find what they want. I will see first what the other families are like and definitely I will be asking a lot of questions about why they are switching daycares. I just started another one who has been to two daycares before me (he has been with me three weeks now) and although he has a few bad habits, at 2 years old, it is actually working out quite well...he just hasn't been given the chance he needed to thrive. Otherwise I find him to be a very normal 2 year old. So it can work!