I am more bothered than I thought I was!!

[kidlove]

I posted a while back regarding a Mom who didn't inform me she was pregnant until about 6 months. (should have known something was up then) but gave her the benefit of the doubt and held on to her older daughter (I took care of for 3.5 years) after she informed me, her daughter would def stay with me even if the baby went somewhere else (little strange to me, but some people like to save a buck) she was trying to get the baby into a "free" daycare up the road from mine. (a center that was "funded", therefore offered some free spots every year)......then about a week after the baby was born (which I was also not informed of, that too seemed strange) she called to let me know she was giving her 2 week notice due to the fact that she was on mat leave and didn't want to pay the minimum due to keep her daughter in care. (too expensive! she said) I figured "that's fine, but don't expect a spot in the future" that being said, I still have love for this little girl I literally raised her from 6 months, 12 hour days, crawl, walk, potty train, I was her Mom for over 3 years. I was hurt to say the least when Mom called to tell me she wanted to put in two weeks. Didn't realize how hurt though until last night when I saw the little girl with another provider at my daughters basketball game. I know she had to go somewhere else given she wasn't coming to me anymore and understand that the Mom wants to save money, but......after 3.5 years of love and care I feel like I get thrown to the wayside for some new day care Mommy to love her instead. Just cuz she's cheaper!!!!!! arent kids worth anything to some parents? who tries to save a buck before quality care? I have to add...I know this provider and she is a very unstable person to say the least, just got back together with her second husband, (i was ironically her old nieghbor years back and we still chat when we run into each other, nice lady, but unstable) last she said, her husband "went crazy" and she left him, their last house was foreclosed and her ex husband abused her and the kids, they had a "volital" relationship that ended in "death threats on both ends!" and they now have to exchange their kids at the police department because of the hostility that has taken place when custody exchanged each week. THIS is the person that won over me, due to lesser charges.
How can some parents be so "stupid"? This one will take me a little to get past. Disturbing to say the least!!!! thanks for listening.

[Mommy-Jenn]

There's a crazy provider in every bunch. Inmost cases I find they are charging nothing...reason why they get the kids.

[daycaremum]

I feel for you because it is difficult when you've had a child for so long and they switch providers for any reason. We do become fond of the kids, BUT, I would NEVER refer to myself as their daycare mommy! And I would hope you would never refer to yourself that way to any parents or anybody for that matter to whom you are discussing daycare. As a parent, I would not enjoy hearing this term. You are their daycare provider and are important to the kids, but at the end of the day, you are only part of their lives for a short period of time. I have had many daycare kids over the last 14 years, and the reality is that I only care for them till they are 3-4 years old, and they don't remember me when they are older. What do you remember from that age? Yes it sucks, but you have to try not to make it so personal. People like to save money, that's just how it is. Like it or not. It happens to all of us one way or another. They either never come to us in the first place due to price, or life circumstances change or opportunities arise and they go somewhere less expensive. And I can honestly say I don't love or have ever loved any of my daycare children. I really like them and enjoy them, but I don't love them.

[kidlove]

oh wow, daycaremum, I do love my daycare kids and have loved many, I do not seriously consider myself their Mommy, (was just a coined phrase to point out that some kids are with us for such LONG hours we are the ONLY form of a Mom they have all day long) unfortunately this was the case. This Mom dropped off 6:30 and picked up shortly before 6 pm. the child went to bed at 7, sometimes ate frozen veggies in a bowl for supper, and cried when she left my house or even when they drove by my house on a day off...unfortunately I was her "day care Mommy". I would even bathe her because Mom didn't do the night before. I don't make a practice of reffering to myself as the Mother of these kids ever, just stating the obvious with this particular child. that being said, I DO love all my day care kids, not the same as my own but I would lay my life down for them, they are wonderful beautiful little creations and I feel blessed to know them all and be able to be a part of their lives. I do this for the true love of the children, the paycheck is an added bonus.

[mimi]

I had a similar departure after looking after her two children over 5 years. I felt insulted as I knew I deserved more consideration. Of course others will say it is business, she gave her 2 weeks notice so what's the problem. I think the problem is our job is more personal than most. We care for the most important people in these parents lives and try to teach these children good values, we show our caring for them and we teach them what we can. All this deserves more respect than a two week notice and a "see ya" . I have learned to harden my heart to these types of people and just care for their children always prepared for the "notice" On the flip side, I have had the most heartwarming thank you's and good bye's that fill my heart with gratitude and joy and that is why it is so difficult to take the cold good byes. I hope this new provider makes this child feel as cared for and loved as you did.

[sunnydays]

Kidlove...I totally feel your pain. Have a good cry and get it out. I have only been doing daycare for a year and a half, but I recently moved and the two siblings I had had since I opened my daycare almost, did not come with me to the new location. This was totally understandable, but the parents didn't tell me until after the older child's last day with me...and then only because I asked! It hit me really hard too and when I read the email, I had to go into the bathroom and cry...and then I cried on my husband's shoulder. I didn't think it would effect me like that, but I poured my heart and soul into those kids! And yes, you do get attached over time. After that I have vowed to myself not to get so attached and not to go out of my way for anyone...just do my job well, but no extras. It sucks when things like this happen

[mimi]

Sunnydays..........h ow horrible for you An email? Especially after a year and a half? Of course you had every right to be upset geez some people

[treeholm]

[QUOTE]I feel for you because it is difficult when you've had a child for so long and they switch providers for any reason. We do become fond of the kids, BUT, I would NEVER refer to myself as their daycare mommy! /QUOTE]

Quoting "daycaremum" above...

Don't see how calling yourself daycaremum is any different...

[kidlove]

thankyou sunnydays and Mimi for your ability to understand so well, it feels good just to be heard, that's all i really need right now, that's why I love coming here, my hubby (God love him) always responds with a man comment like..."what do you expect from people like that" or my Mom who says "that's part of the bus. right?" although they are both right, it is the response from the people who KNOW exactly what i am going through and feeling that matters the most right now, it just stinks so much to put all that time a effort into loving caring nurturing and sometimes correcting another little human life to have....."is two weeks notice required for me to pull my daughter out" response, just hurts not matter how you slice it. thanks for understanding, you guys are awsome!!!!!!

[Momof4]

Oh wow, you are too sweet! We can care a lot about the children, but for heaven's sake don't LOVE them! Think of yourself as a teacher. There are special teachers in our lives who meant a lot to us and maybe even kept in touch over the years. That is what we can do. Those teachers have the children with them for an entire year and get to know them well. Sometimes we have children with us for many years and we definitely know them well. But we always have to remember that they will be leaving and hopefully coming back to visit a couple of times a year.

I cried and cried the first time I lost a beloved family to a move to another city and I learned my lesson. But they do visit me often and send pictures and I'm going to be able to watch this little one grow up and that makes me very happy. I have that special relationship with a couple of other families who left in the past years too. We softies have to protect our hearts!