Jealousy from own school-aged child

[sunnydays]

My son just started JK in September and is in school from about 9-4 every day now. While it has made my life ever so much easier truth be told...he gets jealous when he hears about the fun things the daycare kids and his sister are doing with me while he is at school. I try not to mention things in front of him, but sometimes it comes out and he is upset and doesn't understand why he can't come to the park etc. I am planning a little Halloween party on the 31st and I am sure he will find out as it will be hard to hide...I know he'll be doing fun stuff at school too, but don't want him to feel left out of our party. Those of you who have young school-aged kids, how do you deal with this sort of jealousy from a four year old who only sort-off understands why he has to go to school in the first place?

[Starshine]

I don't have this issue, as my son is home-schooled.

I think your last sentence is where you need to start. You said that he doesn't fully understand why he needs to go to school. I would tell him what your reasons are for why he needs to go to school. I've heard so many parents tell their kids that they "need" to go to school, but don't give them a reason.

I would also be prepared for him to ask, if he hasn't already, why he can't stay home with you. If he knows that you are home and able to care for him, since you're caring for other kids, it's going to be difficult for him to understand why you are sending him elsewhere--know what I mean?

[kidlove]

This is a life lesson he needs to learn and understand, just as HE gets to go off to school like a "big boy" and do all the big boy stuff, you also get to stay home and do fun things with the kids through the day. I do have 2 kids much older now but dealt with some issues when my youngest first went to school. He always wanted to stay home to play with his friends and cried some days when he had to go to school. He had to learn, "it's a part of life". You can't hide things from your son thinking that will make it better. If I were you the first thing I would do is make sure you put solid interest on his day and everything "he got to do" each and every day after school...build him up and help him realize he is very special being big enough to go to school. the next thing I would do would be to include him in ALL the things you do with the daycare....when you are throwing a party let him help pick out the decorations, always make sure he gets a goody bag too, wait for him to get off the school bus before you do a craft or play a game, make him excited to be part of both worlds. In time he will realize that's just the way the cookie crumbles...but this being new to him, just seems unfair. He views school as a chore he "has to do" rather than a priveledge he "gets to do", with time and a little coaxing from you, he will do fine. Just make sure he still feels like part of the group in the daycare though, right now he may feel left out, especially if things are going on that he doesn't know about, or might not feel included in. Good Luck!

[sunnydays]

Kidlove: I have talked to him about all the fun things he gets to do at school that the others don't get to do and also I have a 17 year old son, so I tell him his big brother doesn't get to go to the park with us either because he goes to school too. You are right...I should not try to hide things from him. I think the problem is that by the time he comes home, the others leave about 30 minutes later so we have only a very short time and if he wants to do the craft that they did, I do let him, but I am so tired by that time and not keen on extending my workday so to speak...however I do it for him. When we have our Halloween party I will definitely let him try out all the games when he gets home and of course save him his treats. I guess it is just a matter of time before he gets used to his new reality.

[kidlove]

so true sunnydays, I think it really is MORE about him having to change his life, with school and being away from Mom and home, rather than the fact that other kids are in the house all day and such. You are right and it is a matter of time before it becomes second nature for him to have this "new" life he has, and before you know it, he won't even remember what is "was like before", he is just growing up, Day Care or no Day Care, all kids go through the tough reality of ...not being little anymore....and having to become more responsible. How bout your 17 yr old? dont you remeber times that he might snuggle you out of nowhere as to say "i miss this", my kids do, and I too "miss those days"