New DCG started and all she does is cry

[playfelt]

Glad the kids are beginning to settle in. What this goes to show is while our inclination is to comfort the distraught child we are actually doing what we tell parents not to do. When they drop off and child cries we tell them to just go and that will show the child that this is just the way it is now and there is nothing to cry about - they don't have to like the situation they just have to accept it. When we carry them around and try to soothe them in a way we are also telling them that they are not capable of doing it themselves and more importantly that there really is a reason to be so distraught and upset. When the expectations are upgraded to you are fine, you will be fine then in many cases the child becomes fine - not within the hour or week usually but eventually. Children need to be given back ownership of their own happiness as it is intrinsic. I think too we try to comfort and make it all better so that the parents don't get so upset as we are doing it for them and not always for the child. We have to keep telling ourselves that we are not being mean by ignoring the crying we are being enabling - giving the child ownership of their happiness. The great thing is once they do take ownership and settle they are so content with themselves. But it is so hard on frazzled nerves of caregivers, and daycare children to get to that point though. Glad to hear the noise level at your homes is coming down to something more manageable.

[mimi]

I hear you playfelt. My two 16 month dcg's have been with me 21/2 months and still get angry if I leave the playroom to get snack or heaven for bid, go to the washroom. Yesterday, I did an experiment where the girls were left with my sweet dcb's who are 3 in the playroom while I sat on the stairs at first so I was visible but not available to entertain. The girls were really pissed and let me know it for 15 minutes and then their attention turned to what the boys were doing. I sat another 5 min and watched them play and then I went upstairs. The crying started again. After 5 min I went on the stairs and reassured that mimi was getting snack and went upstairs. I got another 8 minutes of hellfire crying and then they stopped and went to play. It really was excrutiating to hear these lovlies be so angry with me, but it was time to learn to play on their own. When I return, it is all big smiles and no evidence of tears so I know it is just anger and not fear. It's a start.

[sunnydays]

I hear you...I find most of them get upset when you leave their sight until they have really settled in. I have a 2 year old who freaked out every time I went to the bathroom for about 6 weeks and now he is finally okay with it (he would rattled the door and scream like he was dying). I just always tell them what I am doing before I do it and that I will be right back...I am never gone for more than about 2 minutes at the longest and usually try to use the bathroom when they are strapped into their booster seats so I know they are safe.

I hear you playfelt. My two 16 month dcg's have been with me 21/2 months and still get angry if I leave the playroom to get snack or heaven for bid, go to the washroom. Yesterday, I did an experiment where the girls were left with my sweet dcb's who are 3 in the playroom while I sat on the stairs at first so I was visible but not available to entertain. The girls were really pissed and let me know it for 15 minutes and then their attention turned to what the boys were doing. I sat another 5 min and watched them play and then I went upstairs. The crying started again. After 5 min I went on the stairs and reassured that mimi was getting snack and went upstairs. I got another 8 minutes of hellfire crying and then they stopped and went to play. It really was excrutiating to hear these lovlies be so angry with me, but it was time to learn to play on their own. When I return, it is all big smiles and no evidence of tears so I know it is just anger and not fear. It's a start.