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  1. #1

    My 11 month old baby was terminated from childcare for crying for the first week

    I put my child to a daycare when he was 11 months old last monday. I put him 10 days before I join my office back.
    He was directly taken from the stroller and the caregiver would want me to do a quick drop off.He was crying fully.I will be asked to take him back home to make him sleep,since he kept crying during the nap time too.I was asking the caregiver permission so that I can spend some time with him there,so that he transitions soon and But the caregiver said it was not their policy during the daycare hours.I still insisted that I will atleast spend some time with him in the week end.She said she was busy in the week end and she will think about a time and said ok..I also insisted her to try other options to retain him there during nap time,cos,I wont be able to do that once I join back to work.
    On day 5,last friday,my caregiver sent an email to seek other childcare options..
    The reason I was told is he was crying continuosly.They did everything to make him happy and dint work..
    I was asking for refund..But she is hesitating to give the deposit amount back.
    I did signed an agreement with them which stated,
    "there is a non refundable deposit of 2 weeks fees and would be applied to his last weeks of care. "
    It also stated that" the child care provider can terminate the contract if the child's behaviour is uncontrollable/destructive,violent or threatening to the other children or staff."
    The caregiver describes my son's crying and screaming was extremely uncontrollable. They have tried everything, even allowing his own toys to the daycare and nothing worked. When my sons there, his crying and screaming made the other children upset. Sometimes, he wouldn't even let the caregiver change his diaper or hold him because he would kick and scream.

    I am not happy cos..5 days is not enough for a baby to transition and I atleast want my deposit amount back..Pls guide..

  2. #2
    Euphoric ! Dreamalittledream's Avatar
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    Jan 2012
    Ontario east
    277 Times in 200 Posts
    I feel for you; having to scramble to find a new childcare provider. My advice, find a new Childcare arrangement that will care for him on your comfort level (example, letting him transition on your terms; you know him best). You only have 4 more days, correct? Will your office be open to postponing your return so you can find a suitable place for him? Perhaps you can post on here (looking for Childcare forum). As for your deposit; I feel it would be only fair for your remaining deposit to be returned as it was them who made the decision to terminate. In my experience, I too have had some children 'cry continuously', irregardless of how long the transition was with Mom or Dad and no matter how loving and caring I was. It just takes them time (and understandably so, all of the sudden their entire world has shifted!). Be very clear to your new provider that this is the situation and make sure that you know their policy (have they had this happen before, what did they do?). Reality is, your son will become a happy comfortable child in a Childcare setting eventually...it's finding that patient provider that can ride out the storm until then. Best of luck to you.
    Children are great imitators.
    So give them something great to imitate.


  3. #3
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    Nov 2011
    946 Times in 686 Posts
    Oh I am sorry that you arrangement is not working out for you ... I agree that 5 days is not long enough for a child to adjust to a new program specially if there was no transitioning in before hand where you were able to 'be there' with them and so forth! However you also have to trust the provider's 'threshold' for crying and if she is not coping with the level of crying your son is doing it is BEST that you find alternative care cause that could put your child and the provider at risk!

    However IMO if the provider is terminating the arrangement and with no other grounds except the child is not 'adjusting' on her schedule and you have complied with trying to help your child adjust and tried to offer and work with the provider and she is just 'done' for her personal reasons than I agree with Dreamalittledream that your security deposit should be returned to you in full!

    When it is the provider who is terminating the contract due to the child not adjusting to her program and the client has not done anything 'wrong' it is just not a match than my guess is that any court is going to agree with the CLIENT that there is no point for either one to have the child continue during the 'notice period' and since she is not willing to provide that service to you cause she is terminating than she must than refund the deposit since you have done nothing 'wrong' to warrant termination so why should you be penalized financially in this case ... it is the providers choice to not 'keep trying' so to speak!

    BTW the part of the contract that states this is

    It also stated that" the child care provider can terminate the contract if the child's behaviour is uncontrollable/destructive,violent or threatening to the other children or staff."
    IMO this should not include 'transition time' when a child is just wee and upset about the process of being left alone for the first time ...IMO this is a clause that is meant to protect a provider from having to provide service during a notice period to a INFANT but to someone whose child has been shown to be WILLFULLY a physical risk to the other children ... a crying infant whose fresh from his mama should not apply cause how much of a physical risk can he be?

    IMO when transitioning a 'new child' to the program that child not being a match is just a 'risk of business' specially if you have a closed door policy where the child is not allowed to spend time in the program WITH the parent to learn to trust that mama likes this place and is at ease with this place and therefore babe can be too .... you do not hold clients hostage to their 'deposit' if you are the one deciding it is not working out than you refund it and well that is just good business and KARMA IMO!

    Now if the client were the one to start and than 'change their mind' and not want to give proper notice well I would have to weigh each circumstance as do I return the deposit or not or hold them to their 'notice' period and keep the deposit and if they want to use service during that period or not is up to them.

    I hope you can find a positive and quick resolution ~ I agree start looking for alternative care ASAP!

    What are of Canada are you in?
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

  4. #4
    Hello,Thanks for your reply.
    I asked them to figure out ways in which he can sleep there..and I was asking permission to spend time with the baby on Saturday,she wanted to end up the contract on Friday..

    Caregiver had explained situations where kids take time to transition before!!hmm
    She talked patiently when we started..that is why,we started with that specific day care.
    But things dint work..
    We have to figure out some way now..
    about the refundable deposit,i feel bad,when she points out to document and says the baby's behaviour is uncontrollable Also,she only spent 2 hours max in morning and 2 hours max in the evening some days..now she says,fees is non-refundable..
    really money minded!!!

  5. #5
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    949 Times in 781 Posts
    I'm sorry your caregiver didn't try harder to work with you because that's what I like to do with new parents. It takes a lot longer than one week for an 11 month old child to settle into daycare life. They are frightened and confused and it takes weeks and sometimes two or three months before a little one is completely integrated into daycare life in my experience. I wouldn't quit after one week!

    I hope you find another caregiver who will work together with you to make your son happy. Good luck with getting some money back - the contract should be fair to both parties.

  6. #6
    Inspired by Reggio ..wow..wonderful reply post..
    Thank you..
    I have told the caregiver that I will meet her today to discuss regarding the refund..
    I can use the points that you have told to speak with her..
    The caregiver says,that she can honor the deposit amount again next year when he gets okay and I put him again in the same daycare,which makes no sense at all..
    We live in downtown Toronto..
    Last edited by test; 11-05-2012 at 07:39 PM.

  7. #7
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Ottawa, Ontario
    1,468 Times in 1,125 Posts
    As part of your discussion with the caregiver remind her that the money goes towards the last two weeks of care so if she does not want the child to attend then she needs to give the money back. Otherwise you are entitled to send your child all day every day for the next two weeks crying or not.

    Some children take a long time to adjust and having the parent there doesn't really change anything and in many cases actually delays the settling process. It is about the child learning that the caregiver can meet his needs just the same as mom can - feeding, changing, etc. The parent being there at the daycare gives mixed signals to the child.

    Sorry that you have had a bad experience. Just be honest with your next caregiver as others have said so they know what to expect. Many of us have been through the weeks - in some cases months of crying from a child that doesn't want to settle into daycare.

  8. #8
    Thanks all for your reply..
    Hi playfelt,I did tell them all that,but they say,they are okay to admit him for the 2 weeks next year once he gets better..
    Will we not do any arrangement before the next year??/will we drop the kid to the same day care after all that has happened, next year to collect money/also knowing,if my son is not going to be ok for the first week,they will send him back.
    Another thing they say is that,I should have done some preparations to their daycare by leaving him part time before putting him on full time there..I replied,even though,I put him in full time,he was always there like part time,cos,I would take him home back for nap as per their advice!!!!
    We were also asking him,why he did not say about the preparations stuff,when we joined..He said ,it was common sense for anyone to know this..Any one joining in a preschool must know that he should be trained before for the schedule.If they remain crying,they will be sent back after 3 days.
    We went to meet them,they dint open the door though we told them that we were coming to meet them at that time..Once we mailed them that we were not able to meet them,they called in phone and discussed.

  9. #9
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    Nov 2011
    946 Times in 686 Posts
    Um sorry but they are trying to hold your deposit hostage on you IF you should want to retry with them a year from now you can resign a contract and give a new deposit at that time but in the meantime if they are refusing service through no fault of your breaking a contract obligation but just that your child is taking longer to adjust than they feel is 'normal' they are need to return your deposit!

    As for preparing your child for daycare ... ideally yes this would be common sense among parents who must return to work to prepare them to be left in the care of another over the course of mat leave so they are 'prepared with what to expect' HOWEVER as professionals it is also OUR JOB to educate our potential clients on what 'preparing them for daycare' truly means because well everyone has a different set of criteria for that and honestly while you can offer children experience and exposure to things you cannot make a child 'developmentally ready' for something on any schedule but their OWN!!!

    As a professional my website has advice on preparing your child for group care to help educate parents who are googling advice and stumble across it, during my interview I ASK what potential clients have done at home to prepare and so forth so I can make an educate choice on accepting a client into my program to minimize issues like this and once offered a space in my program my policies are clear on what I NEED from clients to support transitions into my program and they expected to work with me to help their child with consistency between home and program ... sorry but it sounds like this business also needs to take some responsibility that they did not hold up THEIR END of the relationship by ensuring that you and your child were a match to the program either and as a result set you up to fail and are now blaming you and trying to keep the deposit on you ... not cool and poor business practice if they are hoping to get you to 'return' they need to step up and return your money NOW so you can use it to secure a new solution!

    Good luck today!
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

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  11. #10
    Euphoric ! kidlove's Avatar
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    Jul 2012
    347 Times in 258 Posts
    Don't forget to be thankful that this provider knew her limit. Some providers can try to be stronger than they are and take a child longer than they should have, resulting in hard feelings...or worse. It is a shame she didn't take a little longer to let your child become comfortable, chances are, he would have lessened the crying with a little more time. However, she obviously knew her limits, which I give her alot of credit for. It is not easy to care for a child (that is not your own) day after day crying and discontent. Although her time limit seemed shorter than the average, be thankful he didn't go through too much stress, and her too. Have you tried to negotiate a "mid-way" refund? maybe she could refund a portion of your deposit? Godd luck finding someone your son fits better.....his happiness is the most important.

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