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  1. #1
    Shy FreshPrincess's Avatar
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    Crying at nap time - How long?

    I have a dcg - 14 months old that started here at the end of July. Her parents drop her off at nap time or sometimes just after nap time. They are not consistent at home, so sometimes she needs to nap or sometimes she doesn't. I do not let it affect my schedule. If we have something planned, she does not get to nap even if very tired. She only comes twice per week, so it is not a big deal..

    My question is about putting her for a nap. She cries and cries the whole time! I've tried rocking her, putting music on for her, putting her in a dark room away from all noise, giving her a little receiving blanket to snuggle with, her soother...etc ... I've tried going in every 10-15 minutes to assure her and soother her. Nothing works. Is it ok for me to just let her cry? How long should she be crying it out? I don't want to cause any longterm emotional damage, but I don't know what to do. The parents arent' really working with me to keep her on a routine. I can't afford to let them go. (but will once my daycare is full if they still refuse to work with me).

  2. #2
    Euphoric !
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    Oh I hope the other poster who was asking why her proivder has a rule about not dropping off between 11 and 3:15, reads this post! This is EXACTLY the problem with naptime drop-offs! So she is dropped off either right at naptime or after it has begun...no time to settle in, play with the other kids before going to bed. Also she may have napped already at home in the morning...there is NO routine! Kids love routine! I don't know actually how much success you will have with this if the parents are not willing to work with you on the routine. I would let her cry...but then if she has slept already in the morning, that is not fair to her as she isn't even tired. For me, the only solution would be ot have her dropped off much earlier in the day so she has the morning with you and is good and tired for naptime.

  3. #3
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    going through this myself now. the answer is yes, leave her to cry it out. the problem is that the you dont have support at home it may never change. I havent had a crier in many years so i posted here a few times for support and to reassure myself that letting them cry is in their best interest. they need to learn to self soothe. good luck with this one and here's hoping that she settles with your consistency even if she doesnt get at home. just a thought, perhaps if you tell parents that their spot is at risk if they dont work with you, it might just make them do their part.

  4. #4
    Euphoric !
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    I have one who normally has a morning nap at 8am...some days his parents don't need to bring him until right around that time...but it was too hard for him to go down for his morning nap when he had just arrived, so I've asked them to bring him at 7:45 at the latest...it helps because he has at least a few minutes to play and settle in before going to bed.

  5. #5
    Shy FreshPrincess's Avatar
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    Thank you ladies! I have asked the parents to bring her earlier on some days. She either comes at 1pm or 2pm. When she comes at 2pm, it is not a big deal because my dc kids start waking up at that time. My problem is when they drop her off at 1pm when my dc kids have just gone down for their naps at 12:30pm. The two boys sleep trough her drop off, but the one little girl that I have does not. She wakes up and starts yelling for me to go get her the second she hears the 14 month old come through the door. (my house is very small). Because of this, I have asked the parents to drop her off at 12pm so that she could go through story time and soothing music before going for a nap with the others. The mom said that she would tell her husband but was afraid that he would forget. She actually forgot to tell him and only told him last minute today (which made it impossible for him to make it by 12pm). I guess Iwill just see how it goes from now. I really hope that they do bring her here at 12pm on the 1pm days. I don't know that it will make a difference as she is not here every day. She is the reason I no longer accept flexible care kids. All new dc kids have to arrive in the morning before 10am, be picked up either by 12pm or after 3pm.

    I don't know that the drop off time will make a difference since she never naps here even when exhausted. She cried for over an hour today..

  6. #6
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    IMO and IME as well children NEED a consistent meal / sleep schedule in order to be able to learn to self regulate their body .... if some days they are kept up later at night allowed to sleep in and than fed later and the next day they are dragged out of bed early, offered food earlier as a result in so forth their body has no CLUE how to regulate hunger and sleep cues and therefore to truly relax in order to fall asleep!

    And yes as Sunnydays mentioned this is exactly why I do not offer 'half day / flex time' programs because and so forth for INFANTS because it goes against everything I believe young children need in order to thrive ... as they grow and have a better grasp of self regulation and a better understanding of how life works than you can start getting more flexible with their sleep/meal time offerings but when WE we should be consistent with having access to meals and naps until they have learned to self regulate those themselves!
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

  7. #7
    Euphoric !
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    I won't do 1/2 days any more for this very reason, it's too stressful for all the children and for me. I did have a boy who was arriving at noon every day so he was basically here for 1/2 an hour that was our circle time but he wanted to play, nap, snack, 1/2 an hour of play and he was a really easy going kid but he wasn't getting my routine and rules because he wasn't here long enough. So the family changed their routines around (the Dad works midnights) and he started coming full days and I learned a lesson!

  8. #8
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    Your best bet for success is to tell the parents that she must be dropped off by 10 at the latest. As other posters have stated she needs time to settle in.

  9. #9
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    I agree that issue #2 is the time she's dropped off. I'd would tell them (if nap time is at 12) that she has to be there by 11:30 and no later.

    Then re: the crying.....give it a while for the new routine to set in and for her to get used to it. And at that point if she's still crying during naps.....leave her until she falls asleep/or nap time is over.
    Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Kids Back!!

  10. #10
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    I had this exact same issue with a dcg. she was being dropped off right at nap time. Between the inconsistency with her parents and the lack of any time to get used to me and the other kids, she couldnt settle at nap and cryed continuosly. I had a chat with dcm, said she needs to be dropped off no later than 11am...within a week it was like a different child. She slept like a dream and was great during the day as well. I would discuss with dcp and see if they can drop her off earlier....its too hard for her and for you this way..

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