Self feeding comes in different forms and goes in stages from using hands, to having a spoon or fork in one hand while still using the other hand to feed themselves and then the gradual progression of learning the skill of co-ordinating the spoon to the mouth successfully. I think any variation of this is normal and even at 17 months there are plenty of kids who do not self feed. I do think that they should be self feeding though by this age, but no matter what I think or others think it doesnt mean they will. There are always different factors involved which determine this developmental milestone and when it occurs. Like you, I think the fact that you dck is an only child is more than likely the main cause of this delay. I agree with you that the parents are more than likely spoon feeding the child all the time. Maybe when they have left the child to try independently with no success they have felt the need to spoon feed to prevent them from not eating at all. Not to many first time moms or new parents with no previous contact with children on a regular basis are likely to make the statement that so many of us do that they will eat when they are hungry. As long as they are eating with their hands I wouldnt be to concerned. Give them the spoon or fork in their hand. Actually put it in their hand. Even if they dont use it at first, eventually they will if nothing else, start playing with it which I believe will including scooping up food and stabbing it.

I would approach the parents kindly but quite clearly ask them and anyone else who comes into contact with their child not to spoon feed this child. Including yogurt and messy foods. How are they to learn if they are not given both the opportunity to try and the time they need to learn. If this child was in my care, I would not spoon feed but give them lots of encouragement and give them spoons and forks to use. I have a 17 month old who is like a little mouse. Not talking and has only just come off formula and bottles 6 weeks ago ARGGHHH....so she isnt a good eater unless its pizza which apparently her dad feeds her all the time. Yesterday my kiddies had soup and the none eater and my younger one were first given spoons but then after they were given a straw too. Its obviously not self feeding with a spoon but a small step towards independent feeding and making the choice for themselves to eat versus sitting their with their mouth open wating to be fed.