Finger sucking and non-talking 3.5 year old ( venting!!!)

[bright sparks]

But it isn't your responsibility, you're not the Mom, so just do your best and call it a day.

I have to say that I do believe we have a certain responsibility to the child. While we aren't the parent, as a caregiver, we have a duty to the child to pass on our observations to the parent's. What they do with that information is entirely down to them but then we have played our role to is fullest by passing this info on. If we don't say anything, then we aren't helping but potentially making it worse IMO. I imagine that a lot of parents who lash out at people saying something is up with their child, or implying there is, are being given opinions and feelings versus just supplying them with the fact. They do not want to hear from an unqualified person what they think is wrong with their child. I'd be defensive and bitchy with that person too. This obviously is easier said than done, but what if nobody brings it up till the child goes to school. It is that much harder to deal with the later it is caught. Also very early detection of learning disabilities, e.g autism, can be treated easier.(I am not saying that is what is going on with this child) In the US, paediatricians who are trained in this area can refer the child to a specialist who works on retraining and reprogramming the brain. I hope this can be implemented in Canada too as it will make a huge difference to the lives of the children and their families. If caregivers didn't report these things, then the parents who were open to exploring extra help would not have an opportunity to do so. I feel staying quiet does a disservice to the child. I could still sleep better at night after getting an earbashing from a parent knowing that I did everything I could than if I stayed silent. I've just learn't that there is an appropriate way to get this info across.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I have to say that I do believe we have a certain responsibility to the child. ...

I agree ... IMO we cannot have it both ways saying we want to be seen as professionals and be taken seriously as business people and than turning the other cheek when the 'tough stuff' comes up like a child appearing to be 'behind' or what not and saying it is not my responsibility to advocate for the child cause I am not a professional ... we have to make a choice either we are the 'babysitter' with no clue and just following the lead of the parent as we are told or we are a 'professional' with a professional duty to help guide and educate our clients and advocate for those we serve ~ the children. Obviously staying within the scope of education and training we have chosen to ensure we have in order to enter this profession.

I am required by the code of ethics of my professional association to act as an advocate for the children in my care and so I do!

[Momof4]

I have to say that I do believe we have a certain responsibility to the child. While we aren't the parent, as a caregiver, we have a duty to the child to pass on our observations to the parent's. What they do with that information is entirely down to them but then we have played our role to is fullest by passing this info on. If we don't say anything, then we aren't helping but potentially making it worse IMO. I imagine that a lot of parents who lash out at people saying something is up with their child, or implying there is, are being given opinions and feelings versus just supplying them with the fact. They do not want to hear from an unqualified person what they think is wrong with their child. I'd be defensive and bitchy with that person too. This obviously is easier said than done, but what if nobody brings it up till the child goes to school. It is that much harder to deal with the later it is caught. Also very early detection of learning disabilities, e.g autism, can be treated easier.(I am not saying that is what is going on with this child) In the US, paediatricians who are trained in this area can refer the child to a specialist who works on retraining and reprogramming the brain. I hope this can be implemented in Canada too as it will make a huge difference to the lives of the children and their families. If caregivers didn't report these things, then the parents who were open to exploring extra help would not have an opportunity to do so. I feel staying quiet does a disservice to the child. I could still sleep better at night after getting an earbashing from a parent knowing that I did everything I could than if I stayed silent. I've just learn't that there is an appropriate way to get this info across.

Oh, I completely agree with you and I have a verbal update of our day and chat with the parents about any and all of my concerns but what I mean is that if the parent, as in the case here where mlle.c. is pretty sure the Mom is not going to help out, should she make the Mom mad at her by talking about the problem? Like I said you have to know your audience. Yes, we should always tell the parents what we see and explain that we see things from a group care perspective and they see things from a parental perspective. But we have to be careful not to insult their parenting or we are going to be the bad guys, you know?

Once I've told a parent about a problem several times and see that they don't really agree with me I just keep doing the work during daycare hours and hope to see progress and pat myself on the back because I'm never going to get any appreciation from a parent like that.

Case in point: I have a little boy turning 2 this month who is not making progress in one area and I told the Dad about it over the course of a few months at pickup and last week his answer was: he's just a baby. So I am not bringing it up to him any more. This boy is 'being babied' at home which is a big part of the problem, but I'm continuing to show him that I expect great things from him at daycare and he's becoming more and more self-sufficient for me. I think we all can relate to this case.

[bright sparks]

But we have to be careful not to insult their parenting or we are going to be the bad guys, you know?

Absolutly! Unfortunatly, we will always be the bad guy. Generally the first to report these types of things are the ones to bear the brunt of the initial defenses the parents throw up, and It's not usually pretty. Even if this happens though, its part of the process for the parent. They may need to hear the same things brought up from numerous different people before they are able to accept it or let their guard down long enough to think, wow this isn't the first time this has been brought to my attention. Hence why I use the screening tests. Its not me telling them, its a piece of literature based on observations made and has nothing attatched to it which comes from my opinions, experiences or feelings to make it complicated. I think if a parents screams and shouts at me initially its not nice, but I put myself in their shoes and it's the most natural thing to do and initially, yes their judgment will be clouded. Its part of the difficult process of being a parent of a Special Needs and/or LD child. Whats the saying?? "No that could never happen to my child"