Sorry to hear about your friend, and her children. One of my little ones was in somewhat of the same situation a year ago before I took her on.

Dcprovider was a rough, gruff, old woman (prob in her 60s). She yelled at the kids. Only let the kids use one square of toilet paper (even for a BM). Dcg (then aged 1) went to her doctor for her one year check-up, and doctor asked dcm what happened to her ear. There was a bruise on the top of her ear lobe, in the shape of a finger nail. Dcm went back to dcprovider and asked who was in her care the day before, and she responded just your daughter. So dcm asked her then how did my daughter get this bruise? Dcprovider said that her older sister must have done it. Dcm asked her 7 yr old daughter, and she said no. 7 yr old would do anything to save her little sister.

Anyway, because dcm is a friend of the family (more so, my hubby has known them for 6 years), and I wasn't working (but am qualified - ECE), so they asked if I could care for the little one until I found work. I therefore decided to open the home daycare (that was going to come at some point in my life).

I don't know how she's going to learn to trust again - as her children have gone through alot. Tell her that there is that 'perfect' provider out there somewhere, and that hopefully, she'll find it! Maybe they could hire a nanny? Tell her to make sure she asks for references, and then actually call them. To make sure they have a background check. Go to as many interviews as they can, and to not 'settle'.

Good luck, and again, am sorry for your friend and family.