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  1. #1
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    Terrible situation

    Bear with me this entire situation is just awful.

    A woman I am friends with in suburban Chicago just learned that the home day care at which she had been leaving her 2 young daughters has been providing negligent care, abusing children, etc.

    -A parent stopped by one day and the provider was sleeping- leaving several children unsupervised

    - Her youngest was given benedryl to sleep- so she would not fuss

    - The day care providor's teenaged son has been accused of inappropriate behavior with the kids

    My friend is destroyed. Her heart is broken, she feels like she has failed as a parent to protect her children. But, she needs to work. How can she learn to trust again? As a provider would have you have any special ways of making this family feel at ease?

  2. #2
    Expansive... Play and Learn's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about your friend, and her children. One of my little ones was in somewhat of the same situation a year ago before I took her on.

    Dcprovider was a rough, gruff, old woman (prob in her 60s). She yelled at the kids. Only let the kids use one square of toilet paper (even for a BM). Dcg (then aged 1) went to her doctor for her one year check-up, and doctor asked dcm what happened to her ear. There was a bruise on the top of her ear lobe, in the shape of a finger nail. Dcm went back to dcprovider and asked who was in her care the day before, and she responded just your daughter. So dcm asked her then how did my daughter get this bruise? Dcprovider said that her older sister must have done it. Dcm asked her 7 yr old daughter, and she said no. 7 yr old would do anything to save her little sister.

    Anyway, because dcm is a friend of the family (more so, my hubby has known them for 6 years), and I wasn't working (but am qualified - ECE), so they asked if I could care for the little one until I found work. I therefore decided to open the home daycare (that was going to come at some point in my life).

    I don't know how she's going to learn to trust again - as her children have gone through alot. Tell her that there is that 'perfect' provider out there somewhere, and that hopefully, she'll find it! Maybe they could hire a nanny? Tell her to make sure she asks for references, and then actually call them. To make sure they have a background check. Go to as many interviews as they can, and to not 'settle'.

    Good luck, and again, am sorry for your friend and family.

  3. #3
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    Wow that just breaks my heart. I am not sure what a provider can say to make them feel at ease. I am sure everyone would say they are trustable as a provider even if they aren't. That is the bad and scary part. I think it really just comes down to getting a feel for people and going with your gut.

  4. #4
    Very sad. I think it will take her a very long time to recover.
    I am sure even acknowledging that this is not fair and most importantly telling her that it was not her fault will soothe her.
    She must be blaming herself poor mom!
    I think there should be some sort of monitoring because there are such bad ones out there.

    As a parent I used to drop by unannounced which most providers are not comfortable with because their schedule is affected but what can you do if the day care provider is not a known girlfriend of yours?..It does take a long time to trust and takes a pinch to lose it all again.
    Last edited by Myrtah; 04-29-2011 at 08:23 AM.

  5. #5
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    Very sad situation and more common that we would like to believe. Other than being totally truthful with the new provider and that provider understanding that a bit more "hand holding" is needed there is nothing that will work besides time. The longer the new situtation seems better the more relaxed the mom will become. Also the older the child gets the more they will be able to tell about their day and that should help too.

    I probably would ask permission of the new family to share their story with one of my families that had been in care the longest and then ask that mom to sort of act like a support system too for the family. There is only so much as the provider I can do because it is trust in my she would be trying to learn. Knowing that another family feels the situation is an ok one might help to take away some of the fear and guilt - spread it out so to speak.

    She might also need a situation for a bit that is in a more regulated setting with several adults on site in a daycare centre. In theory the more people around there is more accountability. Not always but again if it puts her mind more at rest she may need to do that till she heals.

  6. #6
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    I have a policy that parents can drop by unannounced anytime and they can feel free to peak in the playroom windows on the way in Nobody has done it so far, but when I had my kids in care I did drop by occasionally mid-day to check. As inconvenient as it mat be for the caregiver, I think the parents should have this right. They just need to take the child home when they leave.

  7. #7
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    Yes....parents have the right to come to my care at anytime and pick up their child.

    They do not have the right to sit around my livingroom and watch me work. Neither do they have the right to show up, make themselves known to their child and then leave.
    ~ Mama to 4, Dayhome provider ~

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  9. #8
    Starting to feel at home... dragonlady3's Avatar
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    I agree. I have operated my home child care for 15 years and have consistently told the parents to drop by (except for sleep time). In all these years, only 2 families took me up on the offer. A lot of problems can be avoided if parents are willing to utilize this opportunity. They should not feel like intruders, but should also understand the point above...if you let your child see you, he/she is yours to take home. It can take a long, long time to re-settle a child so be discreet!

  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by mamaof4 View Post
    Bear with me this entire situation is just awful.

    A woman I am friends with in suburban Chicago just learned that the home day care at which she had been leaving her 2 young daughters has been providing negligent care, abusing children, etc.

    -A parent stopped by one day and the provider was sleeping- leaving several children unsupervised

    - Her youngest was given benedryl to sleep- so she would not fuss

    - The day care providor's teenaged son has been accused of inappropriate behavior with the kids

    My friend is destroyed. Her heart is broken, she feels like she has failed as a parent to protect her children. But, she needs to work. How can she learn to trust again? As a provider would have you have any special ways of making this family feel at ease?
    Wow. What an awful thing to happen. When I read that, it reminded me of when my oldest was just little - he was 6 1/2 months old at the time and in daycare when the provider asked me for a new bottle of Tylenol for him after only having him for a month. I was thinking she had lost it but when I asked why, she flat out said, she used it to help him sleep better at naptime. I was horrified and quickly found a new daycare after that. May I ask how your friend found out that her youngest was given Benedryl to sleep? Because I'm really not sure how one would tell unless the provider fessed up, you know? I'm curious what signs I may have missed nearly 12 years ago now...it still pops into my head and bothers me after all this time.

    Has she found a better daycare now? Hope so.

  11. #10
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    That is so sad and it really opens up the debate over private care vs. centers. As a parent who has had my child in care all I can say is how did she not know? But the fact of the matter is when little ones can't talk how can you know. She must be beating herself up like crazy! It really sucks out there and it really makes our jobs all that more difficult as people have a God given right to be extremely picky. I can tell you she will never be able to trust again how can she

    Parents should show up at unexpected times and be able to pop in. (none of us love this as it makes us feel weird but goodness its there Childs safety there looking out for and there comfort level) For me my parents can come in and go anywhere there kids go at anytime they are in my care. I let my parents know this right off the bat.

    Have they asked you to care for there little one?

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