Going to open my heart a little. Here goes....

As most of us are, we are caregivers to our families and to others families, and if you are like me you put your heart and soul into loving, pleasing and caring for others. Doing this without balance in life has pretty big consequences which ultimatly have put me in the middle of them.

I am just 30 years old, married for 10 years with 2 of my own children aged nearly 10 and 11 1/2. I have been doing daycare now for 5 years and love to be able to be a part of the village raising the children I welcome into my home. Although their are parents who rub us the wrong way and children who we but heads with as they go through some difficult stages of development, the rewards are so large that it all makes it worth it. I put all meals on the table for my own family, send my kids off in the morning and answer the door when they return after school. I make a great income interacting with children in the most important stage of their lives IMO and am so lucky to continuously play a very important role in their lives. I don't need recognition from any parents to know this. I believe in myself and what I do and I can still get my head through my sweater in the mornings

Here's the thing. As so many of us know, burn out occurs, more often if a dcp doesn't take time for themselves. Unfortunatly balance and self-care seem to be the two things in life I am able to even get close to let alone accomplish. And as for burn outs, they occur numerous times a year. Its not just daycare but my commitments as a wife and mother. Not something I can wholey blame on everyone else as I have a responsibility to myself to care for me too. I just can't.

Since September I have been doing an early drop off for a parent at 6:30am. She started with me in October 2010 for 2 months of early drop off as she car pooled and it was only 2 months and she went on maternity leave. She was off work for 18 months before coming back. Now she isn't car pooling but still drops off both kids at 6:30. They are no trouble and as I agreed ahead of time to the early start I just went along with it and sucked it up. Now here we are in November and I am dead on my legs. The days are 11 hours and I don't sit down till 10:00 most nights after dealing with my kids needs and housework.

So this all sounds pretty standard in my mind for a day in the life of a dcprovider. A lot do extended hours and most have families of their own. It is very clear to me and starting to be commented on by others, that it is starting to show on me. I look ten years older as I am not looking after myself AT ALL. If I stop what I am doing for more than the length of time it takes to type a thread on here, eat my lunch or take a bathroom break, I crash BIG TIME. I get hit with a huge wave of chronic fatigue and it is rough. I know its partially beacuse I don't eat well, although I must add I offer a full organic/natural menu for my daycare kids, do not keep processed food in the house and have a vegetarian child, so plenty of healthy choices available. I just hardly eat throughout the day and then order take out at night and binge on the weekends. As a result I am 50-70lbs overweight. My freakin feet hurt all the time and the joints in my legs are stiff very quickly. Unfortunatly bad habits are hard to break even when things are bad.

How did I let myself get into such a state!?!? Anyway, an opportunity has arisen where I have the financial means to take part in a healthy and balanced fitness and weightloss regime 3 mornings a week. This will obviously help with my fatigue, weight issues and as a result I will feel healthier both in body and mind. Only thing is her early drop off is what stands in my way.

This opportunity came up a year ago and I couldnt go for it due to cost but now I can and once again I am face with whether I put myself first or someone else. I know what I have to do for myself but at the expense of letting someone else down is really out of character for me. But obviously putting me at the bottom of the list for so long has not been productive either.

I really just needed to get this off my chest. Maybe I need to get my hands on a good dose of courage and just do it. Thanks for baring with me and my long thread