So busy taking care of everyone else and not myself has consequences

[bright sparks]

Going to open my heart a little. Here goes....

As most of us are, we are caregivers to our families and to others families, and if you are like me you put your heart and soul into loving, pleasing and caring for others. Doing this without balance in life has pretty big consequences which ultimatly have put me in the middle of them.

I am just 30 years old, married for 10 years with 2 of my own children aged nearly 10 and 11 1/2. I have been doing daycare now for 5 years and love to be able to be a part of the village raising the children I welcome into my home. Although their are parents who rub us the wrong way and children who we but heads with as they go through some difficult stages of development, the rewards are so large that it all makes it worth it. I put all meals on the table for my own family, send my kids off in the morning and answer the door when they return after school. I make a great income interacting with children in the most important stage of their lives IMO and am so lucky to continuously play a very important role in their lives. I don't need recognition from any parents to know this. I believe in myself and what I do and I can still get my head through my sweater in the mornings

Here's the thing. As so many of us know, burn out occurs, more often if a dcp doesn't take time for themselves. Unfortunatly balance and self-care seem to be the two things in life I am able to even get close to let alone accomplish. And as for burn outs, they occur numerous times a year. Its not just daycare but my commitments as a wife and mother. Not something I can wholey blame on everyone else as I have a responsibility to myself to care for me too. I just can't.

Since September I have been doing an early drop off for a parent at 6:30am. She started with me in October 2010 for 2 months of early drop off as she car pooled and it was only 2 months and she went on maternity leave. She was off work for 18 months before coming back. Now she isn't car pooling but still drops off both kids at 6:30. They are no trouble and as I agreed ahead of time to the early start I just went along with it and sucked it up. Now here we are in November and I am dead on my legs. The days are 11 hours and I don't sit down till 10:00 most nights after dealing with my kids needs and housework.

So this all sounds pretty standard in my mind for a day in the life of a dcprovider. A lot do extended hours and most have families of their own. It is very clear to me and starting to be commented on by others, that it is starting to show on me. I look ten years older as I am not looking after myself AT ALL. If I stop what I am doing for more than the length of time it takes to type a thread on here, eat my lunch or take a bathroom break, I crash BIG TIME. I get hit with a huge wave of chronic fatigue and it is rough. I know its partially beacuse I don't eat well, although I must add I offer a full organic/natural menu for my daycare kids, do not keep processed food in the house and have a vegetarian child, so plenty of healthy choices available. I just hardly eat throughout the day and then order take out at night and binge on the weekends. As a result I am 50-70lbs overweight. My freakin feet hurt all the time and the joints in my legs are stiff very quickly. Unfortunatly bad habits are hard to break even when things are bad.

How did I let myself get into such a state!?!? Anyway, an opportunity has arisen where I have the financial means to take part in a healthy and balanced fitness and weightloss regime 3 mornings a week. This will obviously help with my fatigue, weight issues and as a result I will feel healthier both in body and mind. Only thing is her early drop off is what stands in my way.

This opportunity came up a year ago and I couldnt go for it due to cost but now I can and once again I am face with whether I put myself first or someone else. I know what I have to do for myself but at the expense of letting someone else down is really out of character for me. But obviously putting me at the bottom of the list for so long has not been productive either.

I really just needed to get this off my chest. Maybe I need to get my hands on a good dose of courage and just do it. Thanks for baring with me and my long thread

[Inspired by Reggio]

....I really just needed to get this off my chest. Maybe I need to get my hands on a good dose of courage and just do it. Thanks for baring with me and my long thread

Yes yes you do .... look at it this way if you continue you the way you are ~ currently burning yourself out at both ends you will eventually be no good to ANYONE and will be letting down your spouse, your children and ALL your clients .... so what is the 'greater risk' in this decision?

If you know what the obstacle is that is standing in your way of finding balance in your life than you fix that .... do not let guilt guide your decision but logic! If they cannot adjust their hours to make it work there ARE other providers out there who could meet this clients needs it is not going to be the end of the world for them ~ their inconvenience is not worth your HEALTH!

[bright sparks]

...do not let guilt guide your decision...

I think this is very much the truth. Thank you for saying the words that I obviously can't bring myself to say or accept.

[apples and bananas]

If you don't do this for yourself there is a great chance you will burn out and stop doing daycare all together... and that doesn't help anyone.

Do it! I have just started a weekly fitness class and I love it! I mean I dread going and I'm sore for 2 days after, but I feel accomplished and I feel obligated to go... which is a good thing.

Don't feel bad for stopping the 6:30am. You're nuts for doing it! LOL At least for 5 days a week. I do it once a week, maybe twice. But that's it. And most of my days end at 4 so I can't complain.

Our emotional health is just as important, if not more, then our physical health.

[michellesmunchkins]

I was the same as you, working 6-6, having to clean and deal with my own children afterwards and having NO TIME for myself. I can't just up and stop having my hours the way they are because the one family truly does need it to commute to Toronto and back. However, I have told ALL the others they must pick up no later than 5:30. I joined a gym and my classes there start at 5:45pm ( I currently take kickboxing, zumba, kettlebell and work with a personal trainer once every 3 weeks who makes me weight lift) I can honestly say that if it wasn't for this change in my life I probably would have quit the daycare. We HAVE to have an outlet for ourselves and some me time. The family who needs daycare until 6 can leave their child here with my husband until 6 but I leave at 5:30. They agreed that they were comfortable with that and its worked out well so far. Trust me, do what you need to do for yourself.

[kidlove]

Wow!!!! Reading your post made me feel like I was looking in the mirror. Every part of the way you feel...so do I! I was just where you are a few years ago, as far as letting the Day Care run you!!! Just like a ton of the rest of us here I'm sure. I too, allowed the needs of all the Day Care families to far exceed the needs that where met for me and my family as well. I since have changed my hours from a wopping 12 hour day!!! for 7.5 years! to a 10 hr day (with the exception of one family, but the child now comes in in her pj's and lays down for about 2 hours each am) and the MOST important thing I learned to do was, "SAY NO!" No more letting the Day Care Parents choose the pick up and drop off, no more being manipulated and made to second guess myself. This is a draining job.....if you don't stop to take care of your self, you will not only burn-out but you will have a ton of resentment along the way. Tell this Mom today that you will be changing your hours, give her a few weeks notice and start taking care of you!
You should be really proud of yourself for even considering to do this, now follow through!!!!!!!!

[Momof4]

Well then I'm the bitch! I start work at 8am and finish by 4:45 usually but today I only had 2 children here for the day and finished at 4pm. I'm in my 5th year of daycare and have learned to run my business professionally and not to let people walk all over me. People walked all over me all my life so I'm not letting it happen again.

I know my limits and how to take care of myself and what I will and won't do to make a living. Do you really think the people you are giving the most special treatment really appreciate all your efforts? Think about it.

[BrightEyes]

How exciting that you have this opportunity!! Definitely do it for you.

[mimi]

Thank you Brightsparks for your honesty. I think your issues hit home with alot of us. Wether it is needing to do something for ourselves, or we are over extending or need to lose weight for our health etc. you have created a few aha moments. I was the one guilty of bending over backwards to accomodate dc families schedules. I put off a trip with my husband because xxxx might not be able to find back up care. Looking back, how stupid was I????? This family also when they left just gave me a"see ya" That was a big wake up call for me to take care of me and my families needs because if I don't who will?
So kudo's to you for realizing this. As the other posters said you do have to take care of yourself. Take the time to reenergize, refuel and unwind otherwise you are going to crash mentally and physically.
You are also so very young. Too young to have the aches and pains. At 30 you have accomplished so much already and believe me as you get older the weight is harder to get off. I go for an hours walk in the evening listening to fast music to keep up the momentum. Whatever you do dear, remember you DESERVE it, your body NEEDS it and you will be a better person for it.

[alreadyhere12]

Trust me when I say clientns do not remember the extra that we do for them...

You have to look out for you if daycare is truly your love (job wise) then hang on to it, cause if you don't love yourdelf your dck's will suffer, and so will your program... Again speaking from my own life exp. here.

All the best