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  1. #1
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    Finger sucking and non-talking 3.5 year old ( venting!!!)

    I have 3.5 year old little girl that is driving me NUTS!
    She probably says a total of 10 words... and they are not clear I had to ask her mom what they meant. She also suck on ALL of her fingers, to the point where her nails are curved in.

    Her mom told me that she was not allowed to suck on her fingers anymore( obviously) but every morning when she comes in, she has 1-2 or sometime 3 fingers in her mouth and her mom is not saying anything. She is always covered in drool because of that.... ( nop, she is 3.5 and still does not know how to swallow her drool!)

    and when i asked her mom if she helps her practice how to talk like a ''big girl'' she just said that she has 4 other kids to take care of... and she does not have time to do that.??? Seriously lady?

    I'm starting to think that she has a learning disability... from the way she plays, hold a crayon, talks, drink even eat! Should I talk to the mother about it or let her figure it out? I Seriously don't know how to bring the subject to the table...!

  2. #2
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    This is a hard one.... The mother doesn't seem to "care" about the finger sucking and lack of speech so I am wondering if she would even listen to you if you were to mention the possability of something bigger going on.

    Assuming she brings her child to the doctors regularly you would think the dr would notice. Definitely when she starts school it will be observed, noted and discussed with her parents but it is best to catch these things early.

    I am not sure if you should bring it up or not... IME when I have brought something like this to a parent's attention they have always been in denial and ignored it. It's when the child attends school and a "professional" addresses the issue that they start to take it seriously.

    I am interested in seeing what others have to say about it.
    "If we all could see the world through the eyes of a child, we would see the magic in everything!" - Chee Vai Tang

  3. #3
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    Difficult situation indeed. Unless you are looking in terminating these clients because you are not able to provide the care she needs and meet the parents goals for her I think I would just bring it up casualy. Like 'Have you noticed how she holds her crayon still ?, I think she may have some difficulty there'' Hopefully they will catch on and seek help.

    I've had 2 sibblings (temporarly thank goodness) the 4 year old boy was still putting everything in his mouth, had NO words, was still drooling, not close to beeing potty trained and not eating with ustensils. Same for his 2 yo sister. If they had sent them to me in daycare in the hopes that they would start talking and eating and all before starting shcool I would have raised my concerns and told them I could simply not meet their goals as I felt the needed 'special' type of care. But in this case I new it was temporary and they were seeking medical help.

    Difficult for sure ... Good luck !

  4. #4
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    Usually, I find this difficult...mention it or not...how, when etc. But in this case I think that you must! They all develop differently and there are different spectrums of normal, but none of what you described is anywhere near normal. Go to her with information...not just giving your opinion. Do your research. Print things up on development, stages, variations of normal to show her that she needs help. Also have a contact number to give her and follow up. Someone has to help this girl.....don't make her wait until she starts school...

  5. #5
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
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    Having cared for a little boy for 2 years who displayed multiple signs of an LD, I researched many things and spoke to lots of professionals on how to handle his parents. They directed me towards an observation sheet for developmental milestones. It is a district developmental screening test developed in Nippissing but used across many regions including Halton that I know for sure. I actually got the info from Halton Resource Centre. It is a yes or no sheet. You do not give your opinion on anything you are just making an observation over a period of time. The tests are all based around the typical age when your child goes for a Dr's check up and also more frequently when they are younger. The screen tests state that if any are answered no, then a visit to the family doctor to discuss this specific milestone is advisable. I do this for all children and parents are super happy to have such specific developmetal information given to them to take along to their childrens dr's appointments. This way I am not singling any one child out, and most Dr's appreciate this as if you spend more time with the child than the parent then they may not be in a position to observe certain things.

    As far as a quick fix for the fingers in mouth, why not buy an ark grabber. Just a few dollars and are supposed to be very helpful. The fingers in mouth is more than likely the cause of the drooling and the lack of speach. her tongue and jaw are busy chewing instead of developing her oral skills.

    for the ark grabber http://shoponline.pfot.com/otmomfaves1.html
    for the developmental screening tool www.ndds.ca

    Hope this helps but otherwise the best advice I can give you is document everything as you see it NO OPINIONS and make sure you take time for yourself. It can be very taxing dealing with a child with special needs regardless where on the spectrum they fall and especially as you are likely giving this more attention than her busy mother.

    Send me a private message if you need any additional info.

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  7. #6
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    That's a very sad story. Thank goodness this little girl has you mlle.c. Right now I have a 2 year old boy who came to me with his soother 24/7 in July and I weaned him off it immediately and the Dad talked the Mom into doing the same within a couple of months. This boy learned to talk with the soother in his mouth and now he can't form all the letters and I can't understand him half the time.

    He's also very oral with toys and his fingers and I am a tyrant for saying 'out of your mouth' all day every day and he's getting a little better every week. I can't stand all that drool on his hands then he touches all the toys and it grosses me out completely. I mean, it's very unsanitary for people even to touch their faces! That's how we get germs, when they are close to your mouth and nose, gross!

    Anyway, don't stress over it and just do what you can do while she is at daycare. You have to know your audience. Sometimes parents listen to us and sometimes we're hitting our heads on a brick wall. But it isn't your responsibility, you're not the Mom, so just do your best and call it a day.

  8. #7
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    I am with Bright Sparks ... I use developmental screening checklists with ALL my crew regularly as part of the program and they are made aware at the interiew stage that way no client feels singled out when I do it ... I do it for here, they do it for at home and we discuss the overlaps and differences to set goals ... this way it is non threatening and so forth - this has generally always worked for me to at least get them to bring it up to a family Dr now I have been undermined by a dumb Dr a time or two only to have it take until the school got involved but at least my ass was covered as a professional that I had tried with y due diligence and within scope of my training and so forth to get the kid help as early as possible ... we are not the parent and can only advocate and educate so much the rest is up to parent too!!
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

  9. #8
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Momof4 View Post
    But it isn't your responsibility, you're not the Mom, so just do your best and call it a day.
    I have to say that I do believe we have a certain responsibility to the child. While we aren't the parent, as a caregiver, we have a duty to the child to pass on our observations to the parent's. What they do with that information is entirely down to them but then we have played our role to is fullest by passing this info on. If we don't say anything, then we aren't helping but potentially making it worse IMO. I imagine that a lot of parents who lash out at people saying something is up with their child, or implying there is, are being given opinions and feelings versus just supplying them with the fact. They do not want to hear from an unqualified person what they think is wrong with their child. I'd be defensive and bitchy with that person too. This obviously is easier said than done, but what if nobody brings it up till the child goes to school. It is that much harder to deal with the later it is caught. Also very early detection of learning disabilities, e.g autism, can be treated easier.(I am not saying that is what is going on with this child) In the US, paediatricians who are trained in this area can refer the child to a specialist who works on retraining and reprogramming the brain. I hope this can be implemented in Canada too as it will make a huge difference to the lives of the children and their families. If caregivers didn't report these things, then the parents who were open to exploring extra help would not have an opportunity to do so. I feel staying quiet does a disservice to the child. I could still sleep better at night after getting an earbashing from a parent knowing that I did everything I could than if I stayed silent. I've just learn't that there is an appropriate way to get this info across.

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  11. #9
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    bright sparks, thank you for telling us about NDDS. I have used developmental screening checklists in licensed daycare but did not know where to access them now. I will definitely be using them from this day fwd!
    "If we all could see the world through the eyes of a child, we would see the magic in everything!" - Chee Vai Tang

  12. #10
    Euphoric ! Inspired by Reggio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bright sparks View Post
    I have to say that I do believe we have a certain responsibility to the child. ...
    I agree ... IMO we cannot have it both ways saying we want to be seen as professionals and be taken seriously as business people and than turning the other cheek when the 'tough stuff' comes up like a child appearing to be 'behind' or what not and saying it is not my responsibility to advocate for the child cause I am not a professional ... we have to make a choice either we are the 'babysitter' with no clue and just following the lead of the parent as we are told or we are a 'professional' with a professional duty to help guide and educate our clients and advocate for those we serve ~ the children. Obviously staying within the scope of education and training we have chosen to ensure we have in order to enter this profession.

    I am required by the code of ethics of my professional association to act as an advocate for the children in my care and so I do!
    Children construct their own intelligence. The adult must provide activities and context, but most of all must be able to listen. Children need proof that adults believe in them. Their three great desires are to be listened to, to understand, and to demonstrate that they are exactly what we expect."
    Loris Malaguzzi

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