Am I being an ass?

[bright sparks]

[QUOTE=Cocoon;30885] Were you going to give them notice for only for the early mornings or whole together? QUOTE]

I had a program that would have worked for me Mon, Wed and Friday mornings and they drop off at 6:30am on M,T,Th so I was going to ask if she could drop off at 7:15/7:30 on a Monday to accomodate my needs. She is a teacher who car pooled when she originally came to me. She needed the early drop off so she could save substantially on gas money. She is a teacher making a 50-60 minute journey to her school. This is the commute time, even with traffic. She no longer car pools and I have often thought why she needs to be getting to school for 7:20-7:30. There have also been some occasions when she has stood at the door chatting for 10 minutes which was really irritating. I thought that this would have been something she could accomodate as it was just one morning per week, but ultimatly had she not been able to, I probably would have caved and not enrolled in my program.

Funny how she took the decision away from me and now I can look after myself with nothing preventing me. Just the timing is way off.

[Inspired by Reggio]

I am late to the party so to speak ... but just wanted to say I share the advice of the ladies!

I would not begrudge the CHILDREN any experience as part of my program and would hold my normal graduation send off and festivities during work hours.

However no way in hell would I invite someone who treated me like that to anything EXTRA after hours that I was doing above and beyond my program ... they have forfeited an invite to that.

Unfortunately as is said so many times on provider threads when clients ask for individual consideration or service it is only special to the PROVIDER it is the clients NORMAL and they do not think anything of it and come to expect it and get down right pissy if you stand up to stop providing it anymore ... they do not see it as they got special for X months and should be grateful they see it as they are loosing out on their sweet deal ... which is why I do not do SPECIAL unless it is something that will make things easier for ME in some manner or MY KARMA aka the person never ASKED for the special but I want to do it because I think the family is in need / deserving in that moment and do it than with absolutely no expectations in return out of the goodness of my heart... IME those are the people who truly appreciate it ~ the ones who would not have asked for the help in the first place!

IME when we do things because we assume that sometime in the future if the tables were turned they would do the same thing for us it NEVER seems to end well. I have made that mistake in my life going above and beyond in kindness for people assuming they would have my back if the need arose only to have it used against me ... not cool!

Heck my own family plead poverty to affording childcare for my nephew while my brother was suppose to be looking for work and how could he look for work with a kid in tow and so forth and stupid me I offered to take him for FREE to help them out and well during that time when my brother is not working but still sending my nephew they turned around and spend $10,000 renovating their kitchen with the money they saved while I sat here forgoing the income of $8000 I could have had if I had not helped them out ... sorry but if you can AFFORD to renovate your kitchen without one spouse working you can AFFORD childcare and than they had the audacity cause she got laid off and so the 'reason' for me to provide free care was mute she was home to babysit her own kid while her spouse looked for work and than she got MAD cause I filled the space with a fee paying client cause I could not sit around with an 'empty' space waiting on them any longer ... and yup I was apparently the greedy one in that scenario

Try not to let this family suck the wind out of your sails Bright ... take the learning lesson with a grain of salt to learn to spot manipulative people like that for next time ... those ones who will say what they think they need to get 'special' from people but than will bolt the second something 'cheaper' or someone easier for them to manipulate comes along!

[mimi]

Brightsparks, I misunderstood. I didn't realize the party included the parents. Knowing that, I agree, I wouldn't invite them for the reasons you stated. It would just be uncomfortable and awkward and I am sure what send off you give the girls themselves well be great.

[BlueRose]

The husband said this is a business agreement and that they had never given me the impression that they had any other feelings towards me beyond this.

The husband has already made the decision for you. You two have a business agreement, not a friendship agreement, from his point of view. You invite family and friends to a party, not business clients unless its a work party.

[playfelt]

I am assuming the party is taking place after they have left care. In which case they are not part of the daycare anymore so don't deserve to be invited. Unless of course you invite past families and then I guess they would come under that catagory. But this would be a good year to cut back on the party to just those in care anyways due to finances anyways in which case they wouldn't be invited.

[treeholm]

It never dawned on me to have any kind of party and invite the parents. They are not my friends, although I like them very much. They are my clients, and I don't want to mix business with personal life. Of course, it also didn't occur to me to get Christmas presents for my daycare children... is that something that a lot of you do?

Bright sparks, it seems that you have been a very caring, giving person to this family and I can understand that it hurts to realize they see you simply as a service provider when you thought you were friends. I just see a theme in this forum that keeps coming up, situations where the caregiver has gone above and beyond out of sheer goodness and love for the children, but where parents do not appreciate it and look after themselves. I want to make sure that I am fair and business-like, but I need to look after myself first, or I will burn out. If a parent cannot pay my fees, that is sad, but not my problem. I don't run a charity. I do give money to the charities I support, lest anyone think I am not generous, but I can't go to my hairdresser and ask to get my hair done for a reduced fee because of my own financial woes. If I can't afford a service, I forego it. If a parent can't afford daycare, they need to cut back elsewhere or seek help from family, but not expect a business to cut them slack. I know this sounds cold, but these are not my children. I am responsible for being fiscally wise and being able to pay my own bills. Reggio, your story about giving free daycare to someone who turned around and renovated their kitchen is a classic example of someone who gives out of kindness and generosity of spirit and is not appreciated for your sacrifice. I know I'm a newbie, but one thing I have really learned from those of you who are more experienced is that this is a business, not an extended family. I am adamant that I will not give my families any emotional weight in my life that my feelings should be hurt when they make a business decision to pull their children to put them somewhere that meets their time and/or financial needs better. Just as I would hope my dentist wouldn't be offended if I went somewhere else because they had better hours or charged less.
I just hate to see some of you invest yourselves in these children to the point where you feel like family, and then be disappointed when you realize that the family will go elsewhere as soon as it is more convenient. No wonder I don't want to get to know my families beyond our business arrangements.

[Judy Trickett]

Don't take this the wrong way but....your feelings don't matter. Sorry, but it's the sad truth. This is a BUSINESS and you allowed YOURSELF to get more involved than would be required from a BUSINESS relationship.

Here's the thing, it really doesn't matter how much you might love your job, or the kids etc etc. At the end of the day if you run a daycare you run a BUSINESS. You accept money from parents to provide a service. It's really nothing more or less than that.

The parents made a business decision and in your post dcdad even referred to it as a "business relationship" and that is ALL that it was.

Sure, you might be hurt but that is not their fault. Yep, it would be super-duper, awesome-great, if everyone on the planet were upfront and thought of everyone else but then who would be thinking of themselves? It just doesn't work that way.

Just take this as a lesson learned. Parents will ALWAYS do what works in THEIR best interest. It certainly sucks for the provider sometimes but you can't blame them for it. I do what is in MY best interest all the time.

Daycare is a BUSINESS first and foremost. The sooner you see it in this manner the better you will be at your job and the less heartache and anger you will feel.

[bright sparks]

[QUOTE=Judy Trickett;30989]Don't take this the wrong way but....your feelings don't matter. QUOTE]

I understand from your perspective, but not sure how I'm not going to take this the wrong way. My feelings absolutly matter. I completely understand that it is my fault for allowing people to treat me this way, but it in no way excuses their behaviour towards me.

I don't think we need to love every child to do a good job, but in any job if you hate it, you do not give as much effort to it. I don't care what anyone says. You are more likely to get good quality care for example from a newly qualified teacher who is full of enthusiam, than a teacher who has been doing it so many years, wrapped up in all the BS politics and on countdown for retirement. If someone gets up in the morning looking forward to the day, they will put more positivity into the day versus someone who thinks, shit I've got to go to work again. They do as little as possible to get through the day and are more likely to give a poorer level of care or standard of service.

This job is also not like to many others. Spending so many hours per week with children on such a close level, is bound to form strong bonds between the provider and the children. Maybe not for everyone, but for those adults who have a sensitive(but not weak)nature and get attached easily, these bonds formed are not necessairily a choice. If you aren't mainly a pleaser/giver personality, you can only begin to imagine what its like, but not personally know. In a previous thread Kidlove hit the nail on the head, and understands that this is who pleasers are. We love with our whole hearts. Love comes in different forms and I feel that my love for the children makes me do my job a whole lot better and is part of the appeal when parent's bring their children to me. Obviously because they think they can take advantage of me to LOL...starting to learn this.
I am glad I am this person, but I am fully aware that it is extremely taxing on me and within my business at least, I need to somehow learn to turn the dial down and be more balanced. It will be the difference between these kind of situations occuring again or not.

My goal from this experience is to still be the compassionate person I am but keep firmly within my business policies to prevent being taken advantage of in the future. Maybe part of the reason why I help people out is because in the past, I have crossed paths with givers and pleasers who have shown me great compassion. The difference is I am not someone who takes takes takes all the time and I make sure I show extreme grattitude to those people in my life who are kind to me. Unfortunatly when the tables are turned, all I seem to meet are takers.

It seems they didn't take a piece of my heart and trample ont it. I gave it to them.

[Judy Trickett]

Don't take this the wrong way but....your feelings don't matter.

I understand from your perspective, but not sure how I'm not going to take this the wrong way. My feelings absolutly matter. I completely understand that it is my fault for allowing people to treat me this way, but it in no way excuses their behaviour towards me.

Your feelings are real but they only matter to YOU. If they mattered one iota to the dcparents then their kids would still be in your care. That't the point I was making. Going to them and pouring out your heart to them about how this affects YOU will not make one difference to them. You live in a more than business realm and they don't. Period. You are not on the same page and dwelling on how it hurt you is only further hurting YOU. I can tell you , with 100% certainty that they are not thinking about YOU or how it affects you.

I don't think we need to love every child to do a good job, but in any job if you hate it, you do not give as much effort to it.

No one here said they hated their job. I can assure you, the day I wake up and hate my job is the last day I ever provide daycare. What people fail to understand is that you can NOT love the kids and be a STELLAR daycare provider. This is not some fantasy or some theory I have baked up. It's true - I know A LOT of daycare providers who LOVE their JOB but not the kids.

I also disagree that a more seasoned provider is less enthusiastic about their jobs. I think most newbie providers are more emotionally involved and therefore burnout occurs more often and more frequently and burn out is FAR worse, IMO, than complacency. A lot of seasoned providers have been able, through experience, to find their groove and what works for them and they stay in that groove because it keep EVERYONE happy - especially the provider. And regardless of what type of daycare you have or what curriculum you do or not follow etc the KEY to successful daycare and happy children is a HAPPY provider - hands down.

I know what you say about this is how you are but I do have to ask you......how is that working for you RIGHT NOW? The short answer that you are miserable and hurt. Take this as a lesson in how to divide business and emotion.

I KNOW you likely got pissed off reading what I posted. I know this. Most people don't like my forthrightness to tell you what you NEED to hear versus what you want to hear. But know, that what I say comes from a place of LOVE and appreciation and support of fellow providers. It is meant to help you grow.

Trust me, I have had my share of haters who loathed me at first but who came to realize I was right.

[Crayola kiddies]

I was feeling somewhat concerned because I read a lot of posts about how much providers "care for", "love", "are best friends with", "just like family" with their daycare children and parents because I don't feel this way. I like my families. I like the parents. I like the children. But this is my job and families have left of their own accord and some with a little nudge from me but I am not upset in the least. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me. Judy's post nailed it. It's my business...... that's all. I like the kids and when someone leaves I like the next one that fills the space. A balance has been restored in my world again ..... Thanks Judy !