Am I being an ass?

[bright sparks]

If the party is during daycare hours then I would have something for all the kids even these two, its not their fault the parents are mistreating you.:.

I already have gifts for all the kids, so they will get the same as every other child. I love these two to bits, so I'm making the most of my time with them

[Inspired by Reggio]

I am late to the party so to speak ... but just wanted to say I share the advice of the ladies!

I would not begrudge the CHILDREN any experience as part of my program and would hold my normal graduation send off and festivities during work hours.

However no way in hell would I invite someone who treated me like that to anything EXTRA after hours that I was doing above and beyond my program ... they have forfeited an invite to that.

Unfortunately as is said so many times on provider threads when clients ask for individual consideration or service it is only special to the PROVIDER it is the clients NORMAL and they do not think anything of it and come to expect it and get down right pissy if you stand up to stop providing it anymore ... they do not see it as they got special for X months and should be grateful they see it as they are loosing out on their sweet deal ... which is why I do not do SPECIAL unless it is something that will make things easier for ME in some manner or MY KARMA aka the person never ASKED for the special but I want to do it because I think the family is in need / deserving in that moment and do it than with absolutely no expectations in return out of the goodness of my heart... IME those are the people who truly appreciate it ~ the ones who would not have asked for the help in the first place!

IME when we do things because we assume that sometime in the future if the tables were turned they would do the same thing for us it NEVER seems to end well. I have made that mistake in my life going above and beyond in kindness for people assuming they would have my back if the need arose only to have it used against me ... not cool!

Heck my own family plead poverty to affording childcare for my nephew while my brother was suppose to be looking for work and how could he look for work with a kid in tow and so forth and stupid me I offered to take him for FREE to help them out and well during that time when my brother is not working but still sending my nephew they turned around and spend $10,000 renovating their kitchen with the money they saved while I sat here forgoing the income of $8000 I could have had if I had not helped them out ... sorry but if you can AFFORD to renovate your kitchen without one spouse working you can AFFORD childcare and than they had the audacity cause she got laid off and so the 'reason' for me to provide free care was mute she was home to babysit her own kid while her spouse looked for work and than she got MAD cause I filled the space with a fee paying client cause I could not sit around with an 'empty' space waiting on them any longer ... and yup I was apparently the greedy one in that scenario

Try not to let this family suck the wind out of your sails Bright ... take the learning lesson with a grain of salt to learn to spot manipulative people like that for next time ... those ones who will say what they think they need to get 'special' from people but than will bolt the second something 'cheaper' or someone easier for them to manipulate comes along!

[mimi]

Brightsparks, I misunderstood. I didn't realize the party included the parents. Knowing that, I agree, I wouldn't invite them for the reasons you stated. It would just be uncomfortable and awkward and I am sure what send off you give the girls themselves well be great.

[BlueRose]

The husband said this is a business agreement and that they had never given me the impression that they had any other feelings towards me beyond this.

The husband has already made the decision for you. You two have a business agreement, not a friendship agreement, from his point of view. You invite family and friends to a party, not business clients unless its a work party.

[playfelt]

I am assuming the party is taking place after they have left care. In which case they are not part of the daycare anymore so don't deserve to be invited. Unless of course you invite past families and then I guess they would come under that catagory. But this would be a good year to cut back on the party to just those in care anyways due to finances anyways in which case they wouldn't be invited.

[treeholm]

It never dawned on me to have any kind of party and invite the parents. They are not my friends, although I like them very much. They are my clients, and I don't want to mix business with personal life. Of course, it also didn't occur to me to get Christmas presents for my daycare children... is that something that a lot of you do?

Bright sparks, it seems that you have been a very caring, giving person to this family and I can understand that it hurts to realize they see you simply as a service provider when you thought you were friends. I just see a theme in this forum that keeps coming up, situations where the caregiver has gone above and beyond out of sheer goodness and love for the children, but where parents do not appreciate it and look after themselves. I want to make sure that I am fair and business-like, but I need to look after myself first, or I will burn out. If a parent cannot pay my fees, that is sad, but not my problem. I don't run a charity. I do give money to the charities I support, lest anyone think I am not generous, but I can't go to my hairdresser and ask to get my hair done for a reduced fee because of my own financial woes. If I can't afford a service, I forego it. If a parent can't afford daycare, they need to cut back elsewhere or seek help from family, but not expect a business to cut them slack. I know this sounds cold, but these are not my children. I am responsible for being fiscally wise and being able to pay my own bills. Reggio, your story about giving free daycare to someone who turned around and renovated their kitchen is a classic example of someone who gives out of kindness and generosity of spirit and is not appreciated for your sacrifice. I know I'm a newbie, but one thing I have really learned from those of you who are more experienced is that this is a business, not an extended family. I am adamant that I will not give my families any emotional weight in my life that my feelings should be hurt when they make a business decision to pull their children to put them somewhere that meets their time and/or financial needs better. Just as I would hope my dentist wouldn't be offended if I went somewhere else because they had better hours or charged less.
I just hate to see some of you invest yourselves in these children to the point where you feel like family, and then be disappointed when you realize that the family will go elsewhere as soon as it is more convenient. No wonder I don't want to get to know my families beyond our business arrangements.

[Judy Trickett]

Don't take this the wrong way but....your feelings don't matter. Sorry, but it's the sad truth. This is a BUSINESS and you allowed YOURSELF to get more involved than would be required from a BUSINESS relationship.

Here's the thing, it really doesn't matter how much you might love your job, or the kids etc etc. At the end of the day if you run a daycare you run a BUSINESS. You accept money from parents to provide a service. It's really nothing more or less than that.

The parents made a business decision and in your post dcdad even referred to it as a "business relationship" and that is ALL that it was.

Sure, you might be hurt but that is not their fault. Yep, it would be super-duper, awesome-great, if everyone on the planet were upfront and thought of everyone else but then who would be thinking of themselves? It just doesn't work that way.

Just take this as a lesson learned. Parents will ALWAYS do what works in THEIR best interest. It certainly sucks for the provider sometimes but you can't blame them for it. I do what is in MY best interest all the time.

Daycare is a BUSINESS first and foremost. The sooner you see it in this manner the better you will be at your job and the less heartache and anger you will feel.

[Crayola kiddies]

I was feeling somewhat concerned because I read a lot of posts about how much providers "care for", "love", "are best friends with", "just like family" with their daycare children and parents because I don't feel this way. I like my families. I like the parents. I like the children. But this is my job and families have left of their own accord and some with a little nudge from me but I am not upset in the least. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me. Judy's post nailed it. It's my business...... that's all. I like the kids and when someone leaves I like the next one that fills the space. A balance has been restored in my world again ..... Thanks Judy !

[Judy Trickett]

I was feeling somewhat concerned because I read a lot of posts about how much providers "care for", "love", "are best friends with", "just like family" with their daycare children and parents because I don't feel this way. I like my families. I like the parents. I like the children. But this is my job and families have left of their own accord and some with a little nudge from me but I am not upset in the least. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me. Judy's post nailed it. It's my business...... that's all. I like the kids and when someone leaves I like the next one that fills the space. A balance has been restored in my world again ..... Thanks Judy !

You don't have to love any client in any business to do a great job and have a strong work ethic and deliver exceptional service. Do you think your dentist 'loves' you? Or even the surgeon who operates on you? Do you think the doctor or midwife who delivered your baby LOVED you or your child? The answer is NO. But they all provided a positive experience and were kind, polite and compassionate. And at the end of the service they were paid and life went on.

You should NOT be made to feel bad as a dcprovider for not "loving" the kids in your care. One of the biggest reasons I started to speak out and blog was because I realized there is this double-standard of societal expectations when it comes to daycare providers. We are expected to work longer hours, for less pay and FAR more responsibility and liability than almost any other segment of the population and then on top of that we are expected to literally give of our heart. And society thinks that if we do not literally LOVE every child in our care then we are not fit to provide care. I object to this notion and see it as a double-standard that is not applied to ANY other profession.

Never feel bad!

[Inspired by Reggio]

I agree ~ I am very passionate about my job, I am very passionate about providing excellent early years experience for children, I grow very FOND of the children in my care and grow 'attached' enough to be able to properly meet their needs just like I would in any human being whom I cam across who needed help / assistance / guidance .... but I do keep a professional 'distance' in regards to emotional attachment that would result in me being 'hurt' by a child leaving my program ~ that is an occupational hazard that will lead to burn out!

I think sometimes we use LOVE to mean different things ... I often say I LOVE my job but not in the same way I LOVE my spouse or step~children or myself not that emotional attachment kind of love

BTW ... all that said I do still throw my customers 'appreciation' events such as Mothers Day and Father's Day parties and our annual Christmas gathering .... during BUSINESS hours though not as part of my family time cause that is precious to me