Am I being an ass?

[Momof4]

Personally, I find it funny when HDCP's say they love their daycare children as if they were their own. I think that's an insult to your own children in a way because how can you possibly love other children as much as you love your own? It's just human. I care very much about the children in my care and their parents. We have a working relationship of nurturing and caring and I'm the kind of person who is a 'giver'. I think most of us in this profession are nurturing, giving, caring, loving types of personalities. But that doesn't mean you have to be stomped on and let people take advantage of you.

At the end of the day, it's business and I'm happy that the children are going home and coming back in the morning and that I'm making a living doing something that makes me feel good and knowing I'm providing a wonderful service to the 5 families who come here every day. I'm happy that I have ex clients who still come and visit. We have a PD day tomorrow and two of my ex clients and their children are going to be here for the morning which makes me feel appreciated and shows me that I'll remain a big part of their lives as their children grow. That's a wonderful thing! I'm happy that my little graduates will always treasure the time they spent with me.

[bright sparks]

Personally, I find it funny when HDCP's say they love their daycare children as if they were their own.

As I said in a previous post, I think love comes in different forms, and means different things to different people. I have never said this statement myself in any forum, in my head, out loud or even feel this way. I don't love anybody close to how much I love my children. Not even my husband who I love tremendously.The love for my children is like no other. I see things differently though. If I hear a provider say this, I don't think they actually mean it. They may think they do but I don't think they do. I just wonder what shortcoming at some point in their life has made them somehow feel the need to make such an extreme proclomation of their love to another??? I love my daycare kids very much because its the connection I have with them, and who I am. But everyone who is important to me in my life I love in some capacity. All of the emotional characteristics you listed above are componants of love IMO.

Just responding to most posts in this thread, it may seem that I get to attached to the kids and when they leave, I take it personally, but I have had enough experience with children leaving in the last 5 years, that it doesn't really bother me now. Of course like anyone, you are sad to see them go, but its the nature of the job and is what it is. My issue was more that as I have gone above and beyond I expected more consideration from them surrounding the circumstances in which they are leaving. And yes, as many have said and is well established by now and clear in my mind too, that is my fault not theirs. But these are my feelings, how I am and this was the place I came to to vent, recieve compassion and understanding from fellow providers and to also hear some truths which while I new them all, were difficult to hear but necessairy for me to be told in order to be able to accept the reality of them.

[dodge__driver11]

I am late to the party, sorry... (thanks for the saying regio)

I posted this in another thread and I think it applies here...Keep in mind I am not trampelling your feelings this is just my thought.

I LOVE MY JOB, and would not go back to the "working world" unless I was ready, willing and able to do so. I coudn't stand Cooperate Canada for many many reasons, but in the end we care, nuture and assist these children through the early years. WE DO NOT LOVE THEM. The mom and dad's do.

In fact,in my ECE and Educational Assistant training the importance of "staying professional" and not forming attachment was stressed in many different areas of my classroom and practical training. I will tell the kids however that they are special friends to me and I care for them deeply. However I never say I love them..

Not only does it set us up for disaster, but it hurts parents deeply, I know. It used to cut me to the core when my son would say he loved "Jane" at daycare. I cried about it.. And so , ever since then I try to remember that moment when my heart "bleeds."

And let's face it as much as we love our jobs and enjoy these kids, they are our income and we all deserve professional treatment.

[sunnydays]

I'm not sure why many people seem to think love is a resource that is in short supply. Why do you think that if your child love's someone else, it means he loves you less? When my son said he loved his daycare provider, it made me feel happy...because I knew that meant he had a good daycare provider and that they had formed a meaningful bond...which is exactly what I wanted for him. I did not feel in any way that he loved ME less because of his feelings for her. And I will always know that it is a different kind of love...the love a child has for their mother and father is stronger and deeper. While I don't say I love my daycare kids, I do care for them and I do get attached to them although I know they will leave one day. I think that is a form of love as Bright Sparks mentioned...it just depends on your interpretation of the word love. Kids don't have as many words to describe their feelings, so they use love...pure and simple.

I am late to the party, sorry... (thanks for the saying regio)

I posted this in another thread and I think it applies here...Keep in mind I ma not trampelling your feelings this is just my thought.

I LOVE MY JOB, and would not go back to the "working world" unless I was ready, willing and able to do so. I coudn't stand Cooperate Canada for many many reasons, but in the end we care, nuture and assist these children through the early years. WE DO NOT LOVE THEM. The mom and dad's do.

In fact,in my ECE and Educational Assistant training the importance of "staying professional" and not forming attachment was stressed in many different areas of my classroom and practical training. I will tell the kids however that they are special friends to me and I care for them deeply. However I never say I love them..

Not only does it set us up for disaster, but it hurts parents deeply, I know. It used to cut me to the core when my son would say he loved "Jane" at daycare. I cried about it.. And so , ever since then I try to remember that moment when my heart "bleeds."

And let's face it as much as we love our jobs and enjoy these kids, they are our income and we all deserve professional treatment.

[dodge__driver11]

I agree but the other thing I should have mentioned, and sorry that I didn't is she let him call her mom with no correction.... But that said I still stand by my statement

[kidlove]

Well said Sunnydays. And just to add, children use love because love is a basic and simple emotion, it is pure and true and honest. You don't have to dig deep to find love, it shows itself. Therefore a child would be one of the first to recognize love. Children are honest speak their mind, their thoughts are pure, truthful and basic. If a child professes love, they are not confused, they are confident of what they are feeling. Love is more than just an emotion, love is a feeling, and when you feel love you are dishonest to deny it, no matter you feel it for. Every daycare child has a place of love in my heart and I would be dishonest and untruthful if I kept that from them or their parents. just to add also: I have had many children tell me they love me when they are leaving my house and I see the look on the parents face, it is not unpleasant, they love the fact their child feels that way. I have had a Mother call me at 9pm at night to tell me she almost cried when her son said he needed to include me in his prayers because he LOVES me too!!!!

[dodge__driver11]

I have no doubt that these kids love me in thier own way, and I am happy about that...I am not trying to be cold here at all ladies, I am just saying this approach works best for me....No harm no foul k?

[Inspired by Reggio]

Wow ~ your courses must be very different in your province Dodge ~ while we were always encouraged to be professional forming an attachment and bond was always first and foremost in every course I took as an ECE?

Every centre I have ever worked in responding to a child's I love you with one in return was never 'discouraged' ... it was one of the reasons why I chose to be an ECE verses a TEACHER because affection, love and so forth were encouraged in daycare level and 'touching' even in comfort after an injury was taboo in my coop kindergarten placements back in highschool when I was choosing and it seemed so contrary to my nature to not want to comfort a child whose just fallen with a hug or kissing the boo boo better!

They are also still offering courses on the importance of attachment and bond at our local OEYC cause I just took a refresher in the most current practice in promoting attachment and bonds in childcare programs? No the LEVEL of that bond and attachment is certainly not meant to replace a PARENT as primary caregiver but as we have these children 50 some waking hours a week we are a secondary caregiver and they should have a strong level of attachment / bond with us ... it is important to form healthy attachments in childhood for success later both in general mental health and healthy relationships in adulthood!

[dodge__driver11]

I am not really sure, the other thing was my instructor for my ECE courses was VERY NEW so she may have been scewing (spelling) stuff with her own colors...We all really didn't like her cold hearted aproach it was very sterille. And then as an EA, I had a winner for a practicum supervisor ahe actually put in my practicum evaluation that "I was too kind, and the kids liked me too much"

But that said I am not placing the blame on anyone....

I, still believe that wearing your heart on your sleeve will only create unwanted issues... I mean in this instance with the potty training thing for example--I was unable to stay objective there..I should have just stated the fact that she needed to be in pull-ups --nothing more nothing less...and what that parents thought of me I should have worried about as much.

Also just to add, my old boss used to say to me...you love too much tone it down, so I guess I am jadded a bit :S, and I guess to the bulk of my training was an EA, meant for the k-8 crowd and as you said affection is very much discouraged in the classroom.....

I found EA, and ECE very conflicting...I studied both

[bright sparks]

I agree dodge that to wear your heart on your sleeve is painful and somewhat damaging, I know this not because of education or what others say but because I am the subject who does this. Love pours out of me even to those who most might feel don't deserve it. They actually need it more. I don't think its a choice though. There's also a huge psychy back story to why people behave the way they do, whether its being a hard-ass, a giver and pleaser to an extreme or someone who has managed to master a balance life, which I don't think many people have, even those whoe swear they have. These things make it that much harder to change who we are and how we respond to others even if we know it's at our expense. What is something that I must work on and master, is balance. But I am determined to achieve this without sacrificing the level of love I give to both the children in my care and people I meet throughout my life.