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  1. #1
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    Suggestions on how to deal with 3.5yo dcg!

    I could really use some help on dealing with my 3.5 yo dck. she started with me in august....every single drop off results in tears, and a tantrum...she still carries around a blanket and every time i try to put it away that results in another tantrum...she is very smart little girl, extremely articulate but is clearly spoiled by her parents...im frankly getting frustrated with this behavior...i have 18mo and 2yo dck who dont act like this....her tantrums make getting through activities difficult and it is starting to affect the other children....this week i started considering terming as it doesnt seem to be getting any better....ive never had a child like this before

  2. #2
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    Have you had a proper talk with her and her parents about acceptable behavior? If her parents let her act like this at home, she is old enough to know to do this to get what she wants. Maybe it's taking her a long time to realize you will not give in to her!

  3. #3
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    For drop-off time, try having a favourite activity out to distract her. I have two kids, 2 and 3 who recently started with me and were crying etc at drop-off and now every morning I have an acitivity out for the kids at the table...soemtimes playdough, sometimes lacing buttons, sometimes puzzles or pom poms for sorting, etc. Neither of them cries at all anymoer at drop off because they can't wait to get to the table activity As for the other stuff, I am not sure...it may be hard at that age to change behaviour and will definitely take a lot of hard work on your part. Positive reinforcement works best usually...really praise when you see her doing something right...even if it is small "Wow! Great job sharing that book with your friend!" etc. You could also try to make her your helper with the little ones and give her specific jobs to do and then give her tons of positive feedback when she does it. I know my 4 year old thrives on that

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    I agree that you must talk to the parents and that rules have to be the same at home and daycare or it will NOT work. I tell parents all the time that their children are really clever and know exactly how to get their way from about the age of 9 months. Parents need to learn how to take charge and take their lives and their homes back! So many of them are suffering and saying 'I don't know what to do?' Well, here's the answer: Just take charge.

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    I had a more indepth talk with dcm today....it went ok :S She was very understanding of my point of view and even went as far as to agree with me then did a complete turn around and said shes not good at standing her ground with dcg! ugh....

  6. #6
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    That's fantastic, good for you!

  7. #7
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    thanks Momof4! I finally hit my limit this week with her. I decided its not fair to term without atleast trying to make it work...heres hoping....

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    Although the daycare parent admitted that she isn't good at standing her gorund with her child, I would insist that she makes an effort to change things and if she doesn't I would term. I do not tolerate a child's bad behavior when it is a direct result of the parent.

    If the child was having trouble due ot her own insecurities and such, I would gladly work with her to feel better about mom leaving and being at child care each day but if the behavior is because mom let's the child have her way and feel she is in charge then mom needs to fix it.

    I would set a deadline for improvement and if I saw that nothing changed within that time line, I would term.

  10. #9
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    Some children really need the guidance from a person who isn't their parent and will respond better to them. That's been my experience.

    Some parents really appreciate the support and guidance to be tougher and stronger with their children and the mantra I learned - Just take charge of your life and your house - that I learned from a good friend who has been a childcare provider for many years is so true. It's really sad when a toddler rules the home instead of the parents. WRONG!!!

    Yes, I feel really bad for children who miss their parents and I redirect them to realize how many toys are around them and how they can play with their friends and how we are going out to play or for a walk or to a park and that I have really good hugs too and lots of good food and lots of fun at daycare.

    Redirection, keeping busy, a promise of what we are going to do next, asking them to be patient while I cook or clean up with the promise of songs or stories, etc. coming up next works well.
    Frederick Douglass
    It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.

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  12. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnydays View Post
    For drop-off time, try having a favourite activity out to distract her. I have two kids, 2 and 3 who recently started with me and were crying etc at drop-off and now every morning I have an acitivity out for the kids at the table...soemtimes playdough, sometimes lacing buttons, sometimes puzzles or pom poms for sorting, etc. Neither of them cries at all anymoer at drop off because they can't wait to get to the table activity
    . Yes! This exact thing worked wonders for my crier (that and persuading Mom to make a quick escape). As for the carrying around the blanket thing...something that worked for me is to start with small increments of time that she will tolerate putting her blanket in it's own special place. Set a timer so she knows as soon as that timer goes off she gets to go and get it. Then increase the times. A lot of work, I know...but it works. Another option is to have it be a battle with parents and not allow blanket in daycare at all.
    Children are great imitators.
    So give them something great to imitate.

    ~Anonymous~

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