Bad start to the day :(

[Momof4]

Mommyof2princesses, stand strong sweetie! It isn't easy but we have to do what is best for us sometimes and keep our business minds separate from our soft hearts. We can't let people walk all over us. Would a doctor or lawyer or the cable company give people an extra chance if they didn't follow the rules, pay the bills or meet the legal contract requirements?

[Mamma_Mia]

Honestly from a parents perspective I would NEVER chose a child care provider who had small children of her own.

Parents can be very protective of their own child and providers with yong kids in the mix are especially vulnerable to seeing things from their child's point of view only.

NOT saying that is the case in this situation but just saying as a parent I would go out of my way to avoid this type of situation for this very reason.

In this case, the provider explains her child's actions as accidental yet the daycare parent sees it as deliberate. I wasn't there so I can't say what really happened but avoiding providers with young ones at home eliminates this kind of problem at all.

Plus, this mom may not have been trying to be rude but helpful instead or maybe just offering her opinion and the provider took it as an insult or as meaness aimed at her child so her (provider) reaction was to protect her child and stick up for her.

Just saying that when it comes to your own children, your views can often be skewed by the fact that they are yours.

I find it funny that you said that....every interview I've had has said that they are more comfortable chosing me BECAUSE I DO have a small child of my own. In THEIR words, you're more intune with how things are done now-a-days. You know what the new safety standards are, you wouldn't leave them in a dangerous situation because you're own child is at risk too. etc. (I'm not saying that anyone with adult children doesn't) but I KINDDA see what they mean. I have seen with many other "older" providers (where I'm the age of their children) not know fully the standards re: carseat safety and don't know how to use new products etc. (that's just their neglect...)

Anyways............. your post was interesting since it's 100% the opposite for me.

[BrightEyes]

I find it funny that you said that....every interview I've had has said that they are more comfortable chosing me BECAUSE I DO have a small child of my own. In THEIR words, you're more intune with how things are done now-a-days. You know what the new safety standards are, you wouldn't leave them in a dangerous situation because you're own child is at risk too. etc. (I'm not saying that anyone with adult children doesn't) but I KINDDA see what they mean. I have seen with many other "older" providers (where I'm the age of their children) not know fully the standards re: carseat safety and don't know how to use new products etc. (that's just their neglect...)

Anyways............. your post was interesting since it's 100% the opposite for me.

I agree And as a parent I would like a provider who has a small child

[Serendipity]

I find it funny that you said that....every interview I've had has said that they are more comfortable chosing me BECAUSE I DO have a small child of my own. In THEIR words, you're more intune with how things are done now-a-days. You know what the new safety standards are, you wouldn't leave them in a dangerous situation because you're own child is at risk too. etc. (I'm not saying that anyone with adult children doesn't) but I KINDDA see what they mean. I have seen with many other "older" providers (where I'm the age of their children) not know fully the standards re: carseat safety and don't know how to use new products etc. (that's just their neglect...)

Anyways............. your post was interesting since it's 100% the opposite for me.

I can see how it would work BOTH ways but as a parent who brought my children to a provider with her own young children, I had (or rather my kids had) a horrible experience.

The provider ALWAYS stuck up for her own kids, gave them special treats without giving to the DCK's, always let her kids be the one who set the rules and never got in trouble ever. I switched care providers thinking it was just that one particular provider, only to have the same thing happen at the next place. Finally we chose a provider who had kids who just entered elementary school and it was a totally different scenario. It seemed that the provider was able to treat all the kids equally and since none of her kids had to compete with the DCK's the issues we had at the previous two homes, were no longer an issue.

I understand where you are coming from and as a provider myself now, I have had parents both choose me because I do have children although no longer young ones, and I have had parents choose me because I did't have kids the same age as their child(ren). I suppose it is entirely up to what the needs of the family looking for care is and what their experiences were but what I posted was simply based off my own experiences with child care providers who have their own littles at home.

Sometimes as a mom, it is hard to NOT put your child first and NOT let it seem like you are always favoring them versus a dck when a conflict happens. We are always going to be a bit blinded when it comes to our own kids and when mother bear instincts come into play, protecting our own will always be something we have to wrestle with...kwim?

[BrightEyes]

I can see how it would work BOTH ways but as a parent who brought my children to a provider with her own young children, I had (or rather my kids had) a horrible experience.

The provider ALWAYS stuck up for her own kids, gave them special treats without giving to the DCK's, always let her kids be the one who set the rules and never got in trouble ever. I switched care providers thinking it was just that one particular provider, only to have the same thing happen at the next place. Finally we chose a provider who had kids who just entered elementary school and it was a totally different scenario. It seemed that the provider was able to treat all the kids equally and since none of her kids had to compete with the DCK's the issues we had at the previous two homes, were no longer an issue.

I understand where you are coming from and as a provider myself now, I have had parents both choose me because I do have children although no longer young ones, and I have had parents choose me because I did't have kids the same age as their child(ren). I suppose it is entirely up to what the needs of the family looking for care is and what their experiences were but what I posted was simply based off my own experiences with child care providers who have their own littles at home.

Sometimes as a mom, it is hard to NOT put your child first and NOT let it seem like you are always favoring them versus a dck when a conflict happens. We are always going to be a bit blinded when it comes to our own kids and when mother bear instincts come into play, protecting our own will always be something we have to wrestle with...kwim?

Oh! I am sorry you have had such negative experiences with daycare providers that have young children! I guess I too often assume that since I am NOT a certain way, that other providers wouldn't be either!!! Definitely something to keep in mind and look out for. I think I still wouldn't mind the provider having young children but I would watch for signs that there is no favoritism going on.

[treeholm]

I don't think you can categorize the standard of care by age/life stage of the care provider. I'm a grandmother, and the people who chose me told me that was a big factor for them. They want their children in this environment knowing I have raised three adult children, and knowing that I have tons of energy and patience for their children since I don't have any of my own. I put everything into my daycare knowing I will not be up at night with my own LOL! Of course, the young Moms I know who are care providers are also excellent, and just have different strengths. I do want to point out though, that just because my own children are in their 20s and 30s, it doesn't mean I haven't had to research current safety standards etc. Any responsible caregiver would do that. The crib my children slept in no longer meets safety standards, and I will have to reluctantly throw it away. My children were all put down on their tummies to make sure they didn't choke; now, we put babies on their backs for naptime. It's just a matter of being diligent and doing the research. I think choosing a caregiver is far more about finding a match between the family and the care provider than about a preconceived notion of whether a young mom or a grandmother is a better provider. I personally believe I am a better provider as a grandmother than I would have been as a young mom because of my higher energy and patience, but I have lots of grandmother friends who think it is just nuts that I'm doing this now!

[ladyjbug]

I don't think you can categorize the standard of care by age/life stage of the care provider. I'm a grandmother, and the people who chose me told me that was a big factor for them. They want their children in this environment knowing I have raised three adult children, and knowing that I have tons of energy and patience for their children since I don't have any of my own. I put everything into my daycare knowing I will not be up at night with my own LOL! Of course, the young Moms I know who are care providers are also excellent, and just have different strengths. I do want to point out though, that just because my own children are in their 20s and 30s, it doesn't mean I haven't had to research current safety standards etc. Any responsible caregiver would do that. The crib my children slept in no longer meets safety standards, and I will have to reluctantly throw it away. My children were all put down on their tummies to make sure they didn't choke; now, we put babies on their backs for naptime. It's just a matter of being diligent and doing the research. I think choosing a caregiver is far more about finding a match between the family and the care provider than about a preconceived notion of whether a young mom or a grandmother is a better provider. I personally believe I am a better provider as a grandmother than I would have been as a young mom because of my higher energy and patience, but I have lots of grandmother friends who think it is just nuts that I'm doing this now!

Very well said, treeholm! It doesn't matter the age/life stage of the provider, what matters is that the provider is a fit with their clients. Generalizations do no one any good.

OP, I think you are well clear of this family. Kudos to you for terminating.

[DisneyPrincess]

I agree with all of the above definitely: best advice (sorry my french) : Tell her to Go ...... !!! Sorry dont say that... my anger is coming out. I am beyond myself that some parents can be like that with daycare providers, merde !!! Don't take that crap and tell her : huh ba-bye now ! Also in my contract that disrespect toward me or my children is out the moment I give the letter and with no refund of deposit !

[Inspired by Reggio]

Agreed Treeholm ~ stereotypes and generalizations do no one any good at all ... a best match is about so many varied things between client and provider than just if they are a parent or not and how old their children are ... I agree that the fact I have no young children of my own is a selling feature for some who feel that indicates i am in this for the long haul and not just while my own are not in school, that yes I might be more well rested and less likely to take time off work and so forth however I am sure there are just as many others who read that on my website and choose not to contact me cause 'having wee ones' is a must have attraction for them.

I have seen what Serendipity is talking about first hand when I worked in centre care ... RECE peer who are awesome 'providers' in a group setting but their 'parenting' did not reflect the same best practice to say the least ... they are not able to put into practice things like consistent behavior and guidance, consistent expectations around resiliency, empathy and equality between kids that they do naturally with kids who are not theirs as a result the centres they worked at had to move them to alternate rooms so they were not working directly with their own children in a 'work setting' ... that does not mean that ALL RECE in a centre setting should not be able to have their children in their own program because many are and were awesome at balancing both roles ... like anything in life it is a SKILL and one needs to hone it and pay attention to their effectiveness at it.

Another reality is that there are two ways to approach having your own kids in your program specially when you are working from home and determining how daycare children should be treated verses how children in their own 'home' should be treated ... many providers do not think if their children as IN a daycare but rather in their home and therefore they are allowed to do things that the daycare children are not cause well it is their HOME and if they want to go up to their room and be alone so be it, if they want to go up to the kitchen and get food on their own so be it and so forth while there are others whose children are expected to follow all the same rules as the daycare children during mama's working hours cause while it is their home the provider feels she is still working so to speak and it is just easier to have everyone doing same thing including her own children .... IMO these are things that clients seeking care should consider and ASK how the providers own children are integrated into the program that way there is no 'bad experiences' cause you can choose someone whose values you share around these scenarios.

Communication is KEY for both parties for sure specially if you've had a bad experience somewhere so you can head off a second one by asking the right questions and so forth

[Mamma_Mia]

I don't think you can categorize the standard of care by age/life stage of the care provider. I'm a grandmother, and the people who chose me told me that was a big factor for them. They want their children in this environment knowing I have raised three adult children, and knowing that I have tons of energy and patience for their children since I don't have any of my own. I put everything into my daycare knowing I will not be up at night with my own LOL! Of course, the young Moms I know who are care providers are also excellent, and just have different strengths. I do want to point out though, that just because my own children are in their 20s and 30s, it doesn't mean I haven't had to research current safety standards etc. Any responsible caregiver would do that. The crib my children slept in no longer meets safety standards, and I will have to reluctantly throw it away. My children were all put down on their tummies to make sure they didn't choke; now, we put babies on their backs for naptime. It's just a matter of being diligent and doing the research. I think choosing a caregiver is far more about finding a match between the family and the care provider than about a preconceived notion of whether a young mom or a grandmother is a better provider. I personally believe I am a better provider as a grandmother than I would have been as a young mom because of my higher energy and patience, but I have lots of grandmother friends who think it is just nuts that I'm doing this now!

Like I said I know fully capable providers who do their jobs and the right thing....sadly I know many also who don't. So I agree that I can see both sides to this. I hd to tell a few people that the child they were caring for couldn't be in a FF seat until certian requirements and they pulled out the "my kids didnt even have car seats he/she will be fine comment. So there is a lot good and "bads" out there........that's why it's hard for parents to trust. But we're a good luck bunch anyways