DCD making me scratch my head

[Spixie33]

He is socially awkward so I am on the fence whether this is just him trying to be friendly in his awkward way or something more. Either way it is uncomfortable. My husband has been telling me for months already that he seems a little weird and to be wary of him.

Calling me on a day when he knew I was closed was also a big red flag to me. How did he know I wasn't sleeping in and really I don't mind dealing with daycare matters in the evening or via email but getting a call like that on a closed day was just very strange.

All the little things on their own amount to nothing but when I add them all up it is just odd. The calls, the drive-bys which make no sense and then how he talks to me so much when it is him and I but he goes mute when his wife is there too.....all of it is just weird.

Even a few times he picks up and I have other children around so he has a seat in the hallway and I try to get his daughter to the door and ready. Then the father is like "Oh let her play for another minute - there is no rush" and I am like "WTH? Get out of the house - I have work to do with the other kids and this is not a playdate" but I just stand there twiddling my thumbs until dad decides enough is enough.

Even last week his daughter was a little sick and I was asking about her and he goes into a 5 minute convo about his own health and how he had to go to the doctor for treatment because his cold was much worse than the daughter's. Um....I was asking about the girl..... It is not my job or concern how his health is. He is a grown up who can look after himself. It was as though he was looking for sympathy.



I was thinking whether to say something to the wife about how very conscientious dad is about confirming drops off and make a light joke about how he is very thorough on planning but I don't want to cause any issues or awkwardness with mom or expand on it so I think I am just going to stay quiet and sit back and watch what is up with this situation

[daycarewhisperer]

He is socially awkward so I am on the fence whether this is just him trying to be friendly in his awkward way or something more. Either way it is uncomfortable. My husband has been telling me for months already that he seems a little weird and to be wary of him.

Calling me on a day when he knew I was closed was also a big red flag to me. How did he know I wasn't sleeping in and really I don't mind dealing with daycare matters in the evening or via email but getting a call like that on a closed day was just very strange.

All the little things on their own amount to nothing but when I add them all up it is just odd. The calls, the drive-bys which make no sense and then how he talks to me so much when it is him and I but he goes mute when his wife is there too.....all of it is just weird.

Even a few times he picks up and I have other children around so he has a seat in the hallway and I try to get his daughter to the door and ready. Then the father is like "Oh let her play for another minute - there is no rush" and I am like "WTH? Get out of the house - I have work to do with the other kids and this is not a playdate" but I just stand there twiddling my thumbs until dad decides enough is enough.

Even last week his daughter was a little sick and I was asking about her and he goes into a 5 minute convo about his own health and how he had to go to the doctor for treatment because his cold was much worse than the daughter's. Um....I was asking about the girl..... It is not my job or concern how his health is. He is a grown up who can look after himself. It was as though he was looking for sympathy.



I was thinking whether to say something to the wife about how very conscientious dad is about confirming drops off and make a light joke about how he is very thorough on planning but I don't want to cause any issues or awkwardness with mom or expand on it so I think I am just going to stay quiet and sit back and watch what is up with this situation

If it were social awkwardness he wouldn't have a behavioral change with his wife there.

It's actually VERY aggressive not awkward. He's got you and he knows it. He's done some tester behaviors to see what you will put up with and so far he's inch by inch gotten exactly what he wants. He's got you backed into the corner to accept his behavior cuz he knows you are just waiting for the one moment when he does something so blatant it can't be denied or hedge. He's just cruising the waters to find out exactly what that is.

He's not going to stop. Keep your doors LOCKED and do NOT allow him to hang out after pick up. When he says it's no rush he's FORCING you to DO him... He's using the money relationship you have to make you do time with him you don't want to do. He's a full grown adult and he should SEE your awkwardness and hesitation. He sees it and says no to it.

I've counselled providers who have had DCD's acting this way and found themselves alone in the house with the Dad when he came in thru an unlocked door. The providers didn't realize the dad was there and didn't know how long the dad had been standing there. In all situations the dads LOVED the surprise uncomfortable reaction.

I've also heard of Dad's walking around the property looking for a provider... going into garages... showing up at the park... etc. You and your husband both know this dude is being weird. Don't allow the money you have between you let this go any further.

Be FIRM and do NOT joke with either mom or dad with this. The Mom most likely has been thru his fixations before many times on many levels so her reaction to this will most likely not be what you will think it will be. Very often these types of DCD's have the Moms by the balls too because of money.

Start openly shunning his behavior. If he asks to stay say NO... I can't do play dates after child care. If he's cruising the neighborhood to see you tell him you saw him. If he texts you or forces you to repeatedly talk about what he actually CAN talk to you about point out to him that you have already discussed it and you don't have to again. Start calling him on this stuff... firmly and with NO joke.

[Serendipity]

Before I read the entire thread I was already thinking EXACTLY what daycarewhisperer posted.

I see tons of red flags with this DCD and I personally would put a stop to behavior that is out of the ordinary. I would set some really firm boundaries and still be a bit leary about this guy.

Something just feels "off" about him.

[mimi]

Remember Ted Bundy? Seriously, even Ann Rule the true crime writer who worked beside him didn't have a clue he was a serial killer. She said everybody loved the guy. This is an exaggeration for your situation, but I would be on my extreme guard with him. I asked my husband to read your post and he said he definitely wants something from her and it's not a cup of sugar.

[JennJubie]

I also asked my husband to read your post, and he said that something was definitely wrong there. My husband is NOT easily shaken, and what you described creeped him out.