Burnout: do you ever suffer from it?

[Spixie33]

I became a home daycare provider so I could be here for my kids when they needed me but I have been feeling a lot of burnout days.

There are times where 5:30 comes and I am just pooped. I can barely clean and vacuum or have energy to do homework with my kids. I also find it hard to have patience for my hubby and my kids at times because I feel like I have GIVEN of myself all day and just need to be left alone.

10 hours of nurturing, be happy, positive, energetic while also cooking, cleaning etc is exhausting and at the end of the day I feel like I have nothing left to give. Yesterday I was on my feet for about 12 hours before I got to sit down and just relax. Even during the nap I was tidying and doing dishes with only a moment or two to check the forum as I walked by the laptop.

Then I feel guilty for my own kids and hubby because this burnout defeats the purpose of why I am doing this.

I guess i am wondering if I am alone with this burnout feeling. It is almost like weekends I can partially come back to my family, be more relaxed and present with them and pay attention to my husband and connect with him but during the week I often just am focused on what needs to get done rather than the emotions.

There are awesome daycare days...days where my heart smiles because I see how anxious the kids are to tell me things or show me what they can do or what new shirt they got but even knowing that these kids are happy while they are with me doesn't solve this issue of me feeling burned out at the end of the day for my own family.

[gcj]

I hear you! There are definitely days like that. I don't have a solution, but I can tell you that you're not alone! There are days when I don't even like the person that I become...and my kids are still in my daycare with me. So, I'm doing this because I don't want to send my kids to someone else, but then I don't even like who I become.
I find that the harder I am on myself the worse it gets. There will always be tidying to do, dishes piling up....sometimes, you just have to leave it there. I've lowered my standards and I find that helps!
I also am trying to put less pressure on myself. I know that I do way more and give way more than what these kids are getting at home. sometimes that's great, but if it means I'm going to burn myself out, I'm not doing anyone any favours. Kids are great at just playing. The more you leave them to their own devices, the more used to it they get. Not, that I neglect them, but they have learned to play much better on their own!
Hope it gets better!

[sunnydays]

I only started doing daycare two months ago, so I am probably not the best one to respond to this, but I just wanted to comment on what you said about not sitting down for 12 hours and not even during naptime. I also find it busy and tiring, but I always make sure to take some time to sit with a cup of coffee or tea in the afternoon while they are sleeping and relax a bit. I try to tidy up the worst of the lunch mess while they are still sitting in their booster seats (I ignore it if they complain or sing songs to distract them), then I make sure they all go down at the same time to maximize my free time. Once they are asleep, I quickly wash up what is left of the kitchen mess and then I sit down and relax (except for today since I am baking cookies). I think it is crucial for your own sake as well as for the kids' because you can't have the energy you need if you don't have a break. I also make sure to have some periods of time during the day when the kids are free playing and I can sit and watch. I am no expert since I am new, but I would suggest trying to put your own break time on the top of the list so that you avoid the burnout.

[mamaof4]

lol I just came here to post a very similar thread. yes. i do

[lilac]

Yep! Same here, I try to take quiet time to sit for a bit, at least eat my lunch. I find it the hardest in the winter, I feel much better now that the weather is nice and we can go outside...

when I started daycare, for a while I felt guilty, like why am I doing this, my own kids are suffering b/c I'm not 100% theirs anymore, but once I figured out how much they love having their friends around, it made it so much easier, they have the best of both worlds, their friends with them AND their mom! While I still do get burned out, it makes it easier to pull myself out of it now that I know my kids are happy with haveing daycare in our home.

[mom-in-alberta]

I guess I just ask myself if it would be any better if I was working a 9 to 5, and my own kids were in childcare. For me, I don't have the option of not doing anything at all, we need the extra income if we want our kids to play sports (or wear clothes, haha).
I think about it that way, and I realize that I would absolutely be burnt out if I was doing that. So if I am going to be dog-tired and have a messy home, I may as well spend the day with my own kids! Not to mention, then I would have to commute (in winter, ugh!) and find a place that I could trust to take my own children (not an easy task, for sure).
I know my older boys "suffered" a little at first, but it's really not that hard on them. It was just an adjustment. And my 3 yr old daughter has days where I know it's not the best thing for her, but there are also days that I am so grateful she is surrounded by kids to play and interact with. I also really make a point of taking a few minutes to sit down each day. It's a little easier to justify the more pregnant I get, too, hee hee. I think the thing that irritates me the most is the mess. I am not a natural housekeeper to begin with, and so it does seem to be compounding. A little bit worse each week! I am seriously considering having someone come in once a week to do floors, dusting and bathrooms. It might just be worth the money.... :P

[Spixie33]

Thanks guys. I am happy just to hear I am not alone. It is just wearing on my some days more than others and by the end of the week I am just like a walking piece of cardboard - drained.
Mom-in-alberta...I think the same thing some time about whether it would be beneficial to work outside the home and be gone 8-9 hours a day from them. On one hand I think I might come home more relaxed and stimulated but on the other hand I am worried on who I would use to watch my children, the gas money and how I would still be at the same income plus lose the time with my kids so really no further ahead.
On the positive my house would probably look cleaner since noone would use it during the day but I always feel bad that to be at the same income I would lose a few hours with my own kids after the bus comes.
It just sometimes feels like M-F I go into survival mode...prepared for the running noses to be wiped on me, the drool that will fall all over me, the diapers, the feedings and fights and crying and how to deal with it all with a smile on my face. Some days by the end of the days I want to go into solitary confinement with padded walls to keep out all noise and people who want something more from me. I feel less patient with my own kids and snap at them when they keep asking me for something or repeating themselves.
Moms are great at guilt and then feeling like they are just not good enough which I inevitably feel on those days

[playfelt]

Remember what the meaning of "free play" is. The kids are free to play with whatever I have set out for them and I am free to do what I want to do within reason. So if that means I am going to sit with a cup of tea and glance at a section of the morning newspaper that is what I do. It is important that while we are overseeing the children that we are not hovering over them all day or directing their play. Also there are times when it is ok to rethink the work we do after hours such as can you skip vacuuming some day and just clean the kitchen and bathroom. If all the kids are in diapers and no one is potty training do you even need to sanitize the bathroom every day - maybe just the sink from all the hand washing. My point is to find compromises that allow you to get the breaks you need. One of the reasons I stopped doing daily reports was because the only time to concentrate enough to do them properly was during quiet time which is also my quiet time-lunchtime.
One trick I found worked really well was that as soon as the last child was gone - go take a quick shower and change your clothes. Always did that when my own kids were little so that I wasn't the one spreading the germs from the daycare kids to my own. And I always felt so much recharged after the shower.

[Spixie33]

Playfelt - I took the shower advice tonight and that was actually nice. I used to do it just before bed time but doing it earlier in the day once the DCK leave was actually a nice escape while I was still semi-alert.

I have been doing more free play. Up until a couple of months ago I felt guilty leaving the kids alone in the playroom or to play by themselves. I felt like I should be there every second. However...you are right...it is great when you can just let them play sometimes and they really don't need you every second. The last couple of months I have been using some of the free play time to prepare snacks and clean up a bit after meals but of course inevitably someone always calls me and tells me that so and so took a toy or there is crying because someone grabbed a toy, etc so those moments are still a work on progress. It has made the kids happier that I am not constantly hovering (In My opinion) because they can relax more when a grown up isn't constantly right beside them watching what they are doing. I think I was making them nervous and they were starting to think of me as this warden rather than their fun, happy daycare provider.

I do have a great bunch of kids and I really do try to have a sense of humor and laugh when things go crazy during the day or when it seems like utter caios has taken over my house but I do think this job is more demanding than people realize.

I used to be a parent who left my child with a daycare provider and I thought to myself that she had it pretty easy because she must love kids, got to stay home and had time with her own family and made a decent living. I never realized just how time consuming and all consuming emotionally it is.

I think I also put a lot of pressure on myself. I feel like I have to live up to the expectations of these parents and deliver them an amazing daycare experience and feel bad telling them we didn't do much that day.

And thank goodness for this forum because it is a lonely job. My hubby doesn't understand or want to hear the details of the day and he gets stressed when I vent about a bad day and none of my friends do daycare so it can feel like I am all alone with these feelings.

[Spixie33]

Oh and clean the bathroom sink every day?? lol.....no can do. I am lucky if I get to it once a week ...the laundry....well that is even worse to talk about. It piles up ! I am so lucky and happy if by Saturday I can see some square footage of my counters again and the laundry room - lol
By the time the daycare leaves, I cook or get dinner going, do homework with my kids or take them to their activities it is a crazy time where I can barely run the vacuum and mop if I am lucky. Mopping is almost a daily thing here. I hate sticky floors and I feel every day the floor is sticky once the dck leave.