Kids Fears

[mamaof4]

What do you do for kids who have very intense fears? Right now for instance, I have 2 children clutching my legs as it storms. How do you help calm them?

[mom-in-alberta]

Distraction and reassurance would be the name of the game, I think!
When it's stormy, I would shut the drapes and turn on a favorite movie or put a CD on and have a dance party.

[mumstheword]

I do the opposite actually. I have them talk about and confront their fears. I don`t want to ignore it and I don`t want the child to think that their fear is rational. I want them to know I understand and that we all have fears but that we need to decide if the fear is neccisary.
I often sit and ask each child what they are afraid of and why. Then we all talk about the fear. For example one child is afraid of Lions. I said, oh yes Lions are big and strong and it would be dangerous to hang out with a Lion. Then we talked about where Lions live and if we have ever seen one....at the Zoo, in a cage. So we don`t have to worry about it because we will never see a Lion face to face.
Most children are afraid of storms when they are young, totally normal! I talk about how thunder is just a noise and noise doesn`t hurt. We all go around making lots of different loud noises. The kids end up laughing. Then we discuss lightening and how when we are safe in our house it can not hurt us. I flick the lights on and off and show them that flashes of light can`t hurt us either. When there is a rain storm (with no lightening) we sit on the front porch and watch it and sometimes even play in it.
When the next storm comes we remind eachother that there is nothing to worry about safe inside. Then we go about or normal activities. The nervous ones stay close. Sometimes we clap our hands at every clap of thunder or each child gets to take a turn with the flash light at each flash of lightening.
Good luck, must be tense with all the rain we`ve had!

[Sunflower]

I also talk about the fear but once I am done we move on. I don;t dwell on it and give the child too much attention. I learned the hard way that in my case.. that just made them react more dramatically .

[playfelt]

We call it thunder drums and sky lights here and that really seems to have helped. When there is a clap of thunder someone yells thunder drum and they pretend to bang on a drum. I have an african drum that really does sound like thunder when you beat it so they have heard the sound in a positive way too. We simply acknowledge that it happened and then go on with whatever we were doing and most do fine. The odd child is more apprehensive but when they see the others more or less ignore it or act silly when it happens they start to react less negatively too.

[mumstheword]

O yes, you are right there sunflower. I certainly don`t dwell on it. I have a child with multiple fears and anxieties. We talk about it, face it etc. then move on. This is actually the second child I have had with anxiety disorders, the first one is an adult now and he has thanked me for making him face his fears. For example, he wouldn`t go outside in the spring because of the bugs. I was patient at first and went way above the call of duty to show him there was nothing to fear (well usually, lol) then I said, now wipe away the tears and put your shoes on because we are going outside until winter comes. Eventually, a long time later, lol, he didn`t even mention it anymore.