Don't mean to hijack but I have an equally crazy story like this...

This makes me think of one of my current day care families. The dcg came to me at 12 months old and didn't eat ANYTHING.... Her mum was sending her with 3 bottles of formula and it took for me to instigate the weaning and also to get rid of the bottles. Her eating took a good 2 months before she would eat anything. I suggested sending familiar foods from home at one point because she wouldn't eat anything. They sent her pizza shredded up WTF!!! So not only was the food she was getting at home junk food but they also fed it to her like a 6-8 month old. In the end I said take the bottles away and consitantly offer her the same food you are eating at meal times with no alternatives if she doesn't eat. Also to have no milk in the day. She is very stubborn and head strong and I know mum and dad were worried that she wasn't eating anything, but until she learned that people weren't going to give in to her then she was never going to get past this.

This girl still wasn't settling. crying, overly sensitive, whiney etc etc So dad picks up one day and comments on how they are struggling to get her to sleep and how she only settles if both parents are in the room. I'm thinking he means both of them put her to bed.NO NO NO.... he went on to say that they both have to get into bed and pretend to be sleeping and then she will go off. I asked if she was in their room and he said yes. This was 2 weeks ago and she is 18 months old now...What the hell..... I told him in no uncertain terms that she needs to be in her own room immediatly as she is having social issues because she is being babied far to much. Of course I said it kindly and worded it in a compassionate way asking them if there was a room that they could set up for her and also that I understand that the bedtime routine may be difficult for the first little while with lots of tears but that it was for her best and also for their best to teach her to self sooth and sleep alone. They did it last weekend and it was a success...phew

I put this down to lack of support in parenting. The mum is constantly asking me for advice and once she brought her child with diaper rash but no cream and when I asked her for some she said don't worry about it she will be fine for the day I put some on this morning OMG....poor kid.

As for your dcm being a nurse, I'd love to know her name(obviously not really but...) so I can avoid receiving care from her in the future. If after 2 kids already she can't have the brains to do whats best developmentally for this child instead of selfishly keeping her a baby as long as possible, God only knows what kind of nurse she is. Ultimatly IMO she is damaging this child and goodness knows what else is going on.

If this was me, I'd change the contract and provide all the food for this child. Even if it was at my cost because somebody needs to have the best interest of the child at heart, and apparently she doesnt. Take charge while she is at your place and ask mum to no longer bring her with a soother and bottle in hand as it's confusing to the other children of a similar age and that you are trying to promote independance.

Good Luck with this task and just focus all your energy on the child as I imagine this parent is a lost cause...