Should I let this family go?

[Marie]

I need some advice regarding some parents that I don't really like and don't want to care for their child anymore...I don't know if I am being unreasonable or letting this get to me too much. I just started caring for their son last week part-time. Today the dad picks up his son and says that he noticed that since he's been coming to my home his son gets home starving and is super hungry. I took that to mean he is saying I'm not feeding his son enough. The thing is, I don't know why he would say that. His son is 9 months old and I KNOW I feed him enough. He eats, breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and then goes home. By the time he is ready to go home it is close to supper time so wouldn't he be getting hungry anyways? I know my daughter is hungry at supper time. This was his first full day and really bothered me. I did not have a good feeling about them or like them to begin with, but needed to fill this spot. So I don't know what to do. I want the daycare up and running by early July so if I did let them go I might be able to find someone else by then...am I just letting this get to me too much??? I like their son, he is super cute and a good child. To add to all this, I just recently found out I am pregnant. I am planning on taking 2-4 weeks off. These parents had a problem with me having 12 days a year off unpaid so I am hoping that when I tell them I am pregnant they will want to leave on their own.
Thanks to anyone who reads this and has advice!

[dragonlady3]

This is probably a fairly familiar story for many of us. My advice is to simply ask the father and mother if the real meaning of the statement was that they think you do not feed him. Maybe the dad is awkward. I do suspect though, that he was criticizing and that your instincts are correct. AND you can be sure that they will not like your taking time off to have a baby!! As if they wouldn't take time off....a whole year. It is terrific that their son is a real sweetie, but sometimes it is more important to trust yourself. Please don't doubt yourself....some parents just don't know how to speak to their caregiver in a respectful manner, some are mean-spirited people, but fortunately, most are good people and would never deliberately hurt your feelings. Maybe the father wasn't thinking, or was tired and hungry himself, and didn't intend to sound unreasonable. Maybe he is a real stinker. Either way, you are wise to consider letting them go and budgeting accordingly ...and advertising for another child...just in case your instincts are accurate.

[Spixie33]

u say that you were already reluctant to take on this family from the get go and that you were sort of hoping they would leave once you tell them that you are pregnant so i would say go with those feelings.

You only get a week or two of trial time where you can politely say that this arrangement is probably not going to work out so do it now before you get too attached to the child or get in deeper with this family and regret it.

I have talked to providers who ended up stuck in bad situations and then they said they had sleepless nights and anxiety and there was no good time for them to terminate anymore.

Go with your instincts and like dragon said - trust yourself. Good luck

[Sarah]

I agree that it is indeed important to trust yourself.

But if you make your decision only on this comment, I don't think it's really relevant of the parents personnality or intentions.

When my daughter was about 10 months I was sending her to daycare, and when I was picking her up, she was screaming to eat. At the daycare, she wasn't crying or anything. Didn't seem hungry at all. But she acted as she was starving to death as soon as we got in the car.

I did tell the daycare, wondered what she was eating during the day. And I said it like that:"What does she eat during the day? She's starving when she gets home"

The care provider didn't seem to take it personally AT ALL. She told me what my daughter was eating, wrote it down everyday, including the portion size, etc...

She was eating perfectly well. So we tried to find a solution and give her an extra snack at around 4h30. Honestly didn't do any good.

So I figured it out. My baby wasn't hungry for food, but for attention. And yes, she would eat a lot during dinner, but still I started to work with her on the "need for attention" more than the giving food.

Before making my dinner, even if it was late, I would sit with her for 15 minutes and play, and tell her that after playing and cuddling, I would go prepare dinner.

A week after, everything was back to normal...

Good luck with this!

[Emilys4Guppies]

I do think it's also important to remember how hard it can be to fill that first spot. If you let them go and have an empty daycare, that won't be as appealing to future families. People always want to put their kids in an established daycare, rather than one just starting that doesn't have any children yet. It makes parents skeptical that you are a) committed to a job that you may not understand because you either don't have children yourself or don't have daycare children, b)how will they know how the daycare runs if they can't see it, even for a few minutes, with children.

It initially took me 6 months to fill my first spot but the rest of them filled quickly afterwards. Are you OK with waiting 6 months to fill that spot again? Know what I mean?

[Play and Learn]

Just like Emily said, it takes awhile to get all your spots full. I had one child for a year now, but officially opened in September 2010. Got my second child in January. 2 b/a school kids in April. Will have a 12 month old boy come Sept/Oct. Now, I'm getting lots of hits for my open spots.

You might have to wait awhile to fill up. Lots of parents are wary about sending their children to people (like me) who don't have kids of our own, or that don't have a 'full' house.

Personally, I would talk to the parents, and see what they mean by he's hungry when he gets home. Ask them when they have dinner - or maybe he's starving for attention from his parents. I would personally keep them, and then tell them you're pregnant when you're ready to announce. It might be a blessing in disguise, and they'll leave you then to find another daycare!

Good luck!

[Judy Trickett]

The minute a parent starts to make unfounded statements that question the level of care you provide it is time for them to GO. And the reason is that those parents become a liability to your business, yourself and your family.

Daycare is built on trust. If they don't trust that you are caring for their child adequately then the two of you have no business continuing a daycare relationship.

Terminate and move on.

[Marie]

I think you are right. If this was only his first full day and they already had a complaint, what will the rest of the time with them be like? I guess there are other things about them that bother me so that's why this comment really got to me. When I had told them I take 12 days off unpaid, the mom said ''do you have to take holidays? Because I don't have any other sitter''. She really expected me to never take a single day off. Then she asked if she could bring her son half the day on stat holidays because she is paying me for it, even though they don't work. I told her I don't keep kids on stat holidays and that's that. So yeah, this one comment annoyed me even more. I have a feeling as soon as I tell them I am pregnant they will hit the road. I'm planning on taking 4 weeks off and I'm pretty sure that's not going to sit right with them. The other two families I have are great and have no problems with any of my rules. We'll see how this goes!

[Spixie33]

I think you are right. If this was only his first full day and they already had a complaint, what will the rest of the time with them be like? I guess there are other things about them that bother me so that's why this comment really got to me. When I had told them I take 12 days off unpaid, the mom said ''do you have to take holidays? Because I don't have any other sitter''. She really expected me to never take a single day off. Then she asked if she could bring her son half the day on stat holidays because she is paying me for it, even though they don't work. I told her I don't keep kids on stat holidays and that's that. So yeah, this one comment annoyed me even more. I have a feeling as soon as I tell them I am pregnant they will hit the road. I'm planning on taking 4 weeks off and I'm pretty sure that's not going to sit right with them. The other two families I have are great and have no problems with any of my rules. We'll see how this goes!

Whaaaat? I don't know whether to laugh or grimace at her suggestion that she could bring her child for half a day on a stat holiday Wouldn't she or her husband be HOME to be with their child on a stat? That is kinda crazy to think that you should work on a stat whereas the parents are home and paid for the day without working half of it. I have never heard anything like that.

Also....don't these parents want to take any time off from their job during the whole year? usually my parents tell me when their vacays are and we try to build something around those days so I am off when they are off if we can make it all work. That way it works and everyone has time off. There is no purpose staying open if a few of your families are on vacation the same week.

It sounds like they are just very inexperienced with daycare and what to expect.

[Marie]

This is their first time dealing with a daycare of any kind. The feeling I get is that they really want to make sure they are getting their monies worth. I'm thinking that's why she asked if he could still come on the stat holiday, seeing as she is paying for it. I understand money can be tight and no one wants to get ripped off but I am only one person caring for all these children so it's not like one long weekend is undeserved. They've also made the comment that I'm lucky I get to ''stay home all day''. This bugged me so much but I just bit my tongue and didn't say anything. They have said money is tight for them and I think maybe that is making them bitter about paying for childcare...I don't know.