3.5k
Daycare and childcare providers in Winnipeg, Toronto, Vancouver, Ontario etc. in CanadaGarderies à Montréal ou au QuébecFind daycare or childcare providers in the USA
Forum control
+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 26
  1. #1
    Starting to feel at home...
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    78
    Thanked
    7 Times in 6 Posts

    Should I let this family go?

    I need some advice regarding some parents that I don't really like and don't want to care for their child anymore...I don't know if I am being unreasonable or letting this get to me too much. I just started caring for their son last week part-time. Today the dad picks up his son and says that he noticed that since he's been coming to my home his son gets home starving and is super hungry. I took that to mean he is saying I'm not feeding his son enough. The thing is, I don't know why he would say that. His son is 9 months old and I KNOW I feed him enough. He eats, breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and then goes home. By the time he is ready to go home it is close to supper time so wouldn't he be getting hungry anyways? I know my daughter is hungry at supper time. This was his first full day and really bothered me. I did not have a good feeling about them or like them to begin with, but needed to fill this spot. So I don't know what to do. I want the daycare up and running by early July so if I did let them go I might be able to find someone else by then...am I just letting this get to me too much??? I like their son, he is super cute and a good child. To add to all this, I just recently found out I am pregnant. I am planning on taking 2-4 weeks off. These parents had a problem with me having 12 days a year off unpaid so I am hoping that when I tell them I am pregnant they will want to leave on their own.
    Thanks to anyone who reads this and has advice!

  2. #2
    Starting to feel at home... dragonlady3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Ottawa, Ontario
    Posts
    51
    Thanked
    1 Time in 1 Post
    This is probably a fairly familiar story for many of us. My advice is to simply ask the father and mother if the real meaning of the statement was that they think you do not feed him. Maybe the dad is awkward. I do suspect though, that he was criticizing and that your instincts are correct. AND you can be sure that they will not like your taking time off to have a baby!! As if they wouldn't take time off....a whole year. It is terrific that their son is a real sweetie, but sometimes it is more important to trust yourself. Please don't doubt yourself....some parents just don't know how to speak to their caregiver in a respectful manner, some are mean-spirited people, but fortunately, most are good people and would never deliberately hurt your feelings. Maybe the father wasn't thinking, or was tired and hungry himself, and didn't intend to sound unreasonable. Maybe he is a real stinker. Either way, you are wise to consider letting them go and budgeting accordingly ...and advertising for another child...just in case your instincts are accurate.

  3. #3
    Expansive...
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    971
    Thanked
    173 Times in 136 Posts
    u say that you were already reluctant to take on this family from the get go and that you were sort of hoping they would leave once you tell them that you are pregnant so i would say go with those feelings.

    You only get a week or two of trial time where you can politely say that this arrangement is probably not going to work out so do it now before you get too attached to the child or get in deeper with this family and regret it.

    I have talked to providers who ended up stuck in bad situations and then they said they had sleepless nights and anxiety and there was no good time for them to terminate anymore.

    Go with your instincts and like dragon said - trust yourself. Good luck

  4. #4
    Starting to feel at home...
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    156
    Thanked
    9 Times in 9 Posts
    I agree that it is indeed important to trust yourself.

    But if you make your decision only on this comment, I don't think it's really relevant of the parents personnality or intentions.

    When my daughter was about 10 months I was sending her to daycare, and when I was picking her up, she was screaming to eat. At the daycare, she wasn't crying or anything. Didn't seem hungry at all. But she acted as she was starving to death as soon as we got in the car.

    I did tell the daycare, wondered what she was eating during the day. And I said it like that:"What does she eat during the day? She's starving when she gets home"

    The care provider didn't seem to take it personally AT ALL. She told me what my daughter was eating, wrote it down everyday, including the portion size, etc...

    She was eating perfectly well. So we tried to find a solution and give her an extra snack at around 4h30. Honestly didn't do any good.

    So I figured it out. My baby wasn't hungry for food, but for attention. And yes, she would eat a lot during dinner, but still I started to work with her on the "need for attention" more than the giving food.

    Before making my dinner, even if it was late, I would sit with her for 15 minutes and play, and tell her that after playing and cuddling, I would go prepare dinner.

    A week after, everything was back to normal...

    Good luck with this!

  5. #5
    Starting to feel at home...
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Region of Durham, ON
    Posts
    241
    Thanked
    28 Times in 24 Posts
    I do think it's also important to remember how hard it can be to fill that first spot. If you let them go and have an empty daycare, that won't be as appealing to future families. People always want to put their kids in an established daycare, rather than one just starting that doesn't have any children yet. It makes parents skeptical that you are a) committed to a job that you may not understand because you either don't have children yourself or don't have daycare children, b)how will they know how the daycare runs if they can't see it, even for a few minutes, with children.

    It initially took me 6 months to fill my first spot but the rest of them filled quickly afterwards. Are you OK with waiting 6 months to fill that spot again? Know what I mean?
    ~ Mama to 4, Dayhome provider ~

  6. #6
    Expansive... Play and Learn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    828
    Thanked
    140 Times in 116 Posts
    Just like Emily said, it takes awhile to get all your spots full. I had one child for a year now, but officially opened in September 2010. Got my second child in January. 2 b/a school kids in April. Will have a 12 month old boy come Sept/Oct. Now, I'm getting lots of hits for my open spots.

    You might have to wait awhile to fill up. Lots of parents are wary about sending their children to people (like me) who don't have kids of our own, or that don't have a 'full' house.

    Personally, I would talk to the parents, and see what they mean by he's hungry when he gets home. Ask them when they have dinner - or maybe he's starving for attention from his parents. I would personally keep them, and then tell them you're pregnant when you're ready to announce. It might be a blessing in disguise, and they'll leave you then to find another daycare!

    Good luck!

  7. #7
    Expansive... Judy Trickett's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    In My Own Little World Of Warped Reality
    Posts
    739
    Thanked
    561 Times in 277 Posts
    The minute a parent starts to make unfounded statements that question the level of care you provide it is time for them to GO. And the reason is that those parents become a liability to your business, yourself and your family.

    Daycare is built on trust. If they don't trust that you are caring for their child adequately then the two of you have no business continuing a daycare relationship.

    Terminate and move on.

  8. #8
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Ottawa
    Posts
    2,419
    Thanked
    599 Times in 439 Posts
    I am a new provider, so don't have the years of experience that some of the others have here, but I would not terminate based soley on a comment or two. I would first discuss it with the parent to make sure they are clear that their child eats well with you and to clarify what they are thinking. Then if their attitudes are not good, I would consider terminating.

  9. #9
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,405
    Thanked
    239 Times in 191 Posts
    Hmmmmm. That's a toughie.
    I, personally, would not terminate immediately based on a single comment. I would clarify with mom and dad whether or not they have any concerns. If they do feel that the baby is not getting enough to eat, be detailed about your communication with them. Do they want you to write down what and how much he eats daily? Think about whether or not you would be willing to do that. Don't take this personally; but maybe try giving him a little more? Maybe he eats more than your daughter does/ used to, and you just aren't used to the portions. It's tricky at that age, because they can't verbalize "more please", etc.
    That being said; you say you didn't really like them to begin with? I usually use the first month as a trial period. If during a month, I was still very uneasy with a family, I would let them go. It's true that the longer you wait, the tougher it will be to say "this isn't working out". Keep in mind that the first few weeks are an adjustment for everyone! You, the child and the parents are all getting used to each other. I think sometimes we need a little more patience in the beginning.
    So, I would talk to them first. If you really feel like his eating is fine, but they insist he is starving, I would say something like: "You know, I have noticed that right around home time, he begins to fuss a little bit. (Even if he doesn't, really!) I think maybe he knows you will be here soon, and is just antsy to see you! I bet he just can't wait to play and have a snuggle." Like the earlier post said, he may not actually be hungry, just anxious to be with mom and dad. If this is the first child, they may be mistaking these cues?
    If after this discussion, things are still quite unsettling for you, then I would think about saying good bye. Perhaps you just aren't a good match in the end.

  10. #10
    Shy
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Ottawa
    Posts
    42
    Thanked
    1 Time in 1 Post
    My parents are the same and often say their kids are starved when they get home, but snack is at 3:15 and I try and make it a tad bigger than morning snack. However they have an hour to an hour and a half of free play till the parents come, my kids play hard! I find by thurs, Friday my kids are exhausted not to mention me even after their nap. They need to have their childs supper ready when they get home and the first thing they do is feed him. Who cares about them. I bet you'll find he's exhausted and should be in bed at 6:30 ish if not earlier because he's had such a "big" day! So of course he's hungry and tired dad, we've had a big day. You would be too!
    The other issue could be a growing spurt, he's probably eating constantly or drinking milk constantly at home. You could always try milk before he leaves that is filling for him.
    Another issue, my daycare kids are very rude and crabby and crying 2 seconds after the parents walk in at night. I always find that interesting. They are angels for me all day then the parents walk in and it looks like I'm a big meany all day cause they just break down and cry. I say to the parents "never cries with me, sorry." Attention attention, they know how to get it! I can't even talk at the door with the parents because the child is being so disruptive and rude. I try to calm them, but it doesn't work, so I talk to the child the next day and say how are we going to greet mommy at the door tonight, and we work on arriving "protocol". It has worked for me.

Similar Threads

  1. Family day
    By Van in forum Daycare providers' experiences with parents
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 02-17-2017, 08:27 AM
  2. Aw, boo. :( I need to let a family go....
    By mom-in-alberta in forum Daycare providers' experiences with parents
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 02-07-2014, 07:57 AM
  3. *That* kid/family
    By mom-in-alberta in forum Caring for children
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 12-11-2013, 09:18 AM
  4. Potential Family asks Current Family to fill out referral questionnaire????
    By michellesmunchkins in forum The day-to-day as a daycare provider
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 04-14-2012, 10:46 AM
  5. Well... there goes a family :(
    By mom-in-alberta in forum The day-to-day as a daycare provider
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 07-05-2011, 08:00 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

A few tips...

If you visited or if you're using a childcare provider found on DaycareBear, do not hesitate to leave a review. This will most certainly help other parents!
Updates
We expect providers to keep their listing and available openings up-to-date. However, to prevent oversights, openings expire after 45 days.
Partner in your
search for a daycare provider