Potty Training tips...?

[busydaycarelady]

Hello!

I look after a 3 year old girl. Mom and dad have never, ever even sat this child on the potty. They told me if I want to potty train her, then I should feel free because " we don't have the time to do it, except maybe on weekends. Maybe then we could try......maybe"..... .
Anyhow, I've been trying to potty train this child. Sit her on the potty once an hour, tell her she can have a treat(tic tac, which has worked great with all the other kids I've helped with training), offering lots of praise, reading stories about her favorite characters that use the potty, etc......she refuses. She will hold her pee and poop for HOURS, until she cannot hold it any longer. She will sit on the potty for 15 minutes and hold it and the INSTANT I put her pull up on her she pees and/or poops. She told me she loves diapers and will NEVER use the potty. I asked her why and she says "Because". So very frustrating! I've looked after children that weren't keen on the idea of using the potty, but never anything like this. I've been trying for months. I think it's alot because mom and dad aren't on board at home, overall they are awesome, but not on this issue.......suggesti ons? She is actually getting to the point where diapers are getting too small on her and her dirty diapers are squishing out of the sides and top(gross I know, but true). Oh my.

[Crayola kiddies]

First of all it's not your job to train their child .... It's their job ... They are the parents .....you are just the supporting cast .... Second If there is no consistency between home and daycare it will take forever (as you are already finding out) ..... Tell them you need bigger diapers as the ones they are suplying are not containing the messes as well as a few plastic pants to put over top. It's a sanitary issue. They will have to train her eventually cause she will go to school in sept ( if you are in Ontario) abd she will not be accepted into jk untrained. If they refuse hand them their walking papers. How rude telling you to train their kid yourself.... Next!

[Momof4]

I agree with Crayola, it is not your job. Children must be well on their way to toilet learning at home before I take the time to help. Once they start to understand the entire process I'll give it all I've got to help, but age doesn't matter. Sometimes they are ready at age 2 and sometimes later.

But what do these parents think will happen when school starts? Do they think the teachers are going to toilet train their child at age 5 and 6? Unbelieveable! Still, it's not your job!

[sweetiepia]

i agree! it is not your job to start potty training

we want to do everything for these children since we love them as much as our own, but you cant take resposibality away from the parents.

yes the child suffers in the end, but as daycare workers we need to learn to detache from these things and let parents be parents

good luck

[Inspired by Reggio]

Sadly from what I read on forums sometimes providers cannot seem to win in this industry ~ either they are dealing with parents pressuring a child not ready to train to be in underwear in their programs or they are dealing with parents whose child should be developmentally ready to train but the parent has no interest in supporting it cause they are content to leave them a 'baby' as long as possible and do not want to deal with the time investment training can take!

I agree with the other ladies that for success to occur for most children A) the child needs to be motivated B) the child has to have the developmental milestones to succeed and C) the expectation need to be the same between the program and home.

That said I want children trained as soon as possible in my program because well IMO trained children are EASIER for me so sooner the diapers are gone the less garbage and stench I am dealing with

So in the program my potty training policy states I start introducing the potty around 18 months with offering them options at routine diaper changes to 'try' the potty but do not force them just wait for them to show interest and once that interest starts than I keep the parents up to date about any successes that occur and encourage them to do the same at home ~ just offer the potty before bath, before bed and when they get up times for 'natural' successes to occur to make connections with the child ... that as time passes through communication with the parents on the child showing actual developmental readiness and interest to ACTIVELY LEARN and when we both agree we are seeing the same signs of readiness at home and in daycare to make the transition to underwear with a containment unit we move forward with full out training ... to move forward HERE the child needs to be showing a willingness to train without bribery, communicate a need to go to the bathroom to any adult, staying dry in the diaper for 2 hour intervals to have 'bladder control' cause we cannot be tied to a toilet ever 30 minutes or an hour, be able to access the potty independently and have the self help skills to dress and undress.

As a result I have had children in program that were basically trained HERE but still in a diaper (same one all day cause they used it like underwear here) because they were not ready at home according to the parent and vice versa children who were apparently trained at home cause well the kid never had to 'tell an adult' they had to go because the parent put them on the potty every 30 minutes for 15 minutes to ensure no accidents and as a result still in a diaper here because they were not ready here according to my criteria cause they were not telling me they needed to go nor able to hold their bladder cause they'd never had that expectation at home.

Personally I will not force or bribe a child to sit on the potty ~ the reward for using the toilet should be intrinsic ~ being trained means independence and freedom and a high five for your mastering a new skill .... IMO it does not mean candy, stickers or a new toy and while I am on my soap box in our society we really need to reflect on the practice of dangling 'external carrots' in front of each other to get the expected behavior because it is a dangerous slippery slope we create for children cause well it seems more and more no one does anything anymore cause it is the 'right thing to do' they all expect some external ticker tape parade for every thing they do ... we have lost the meaning of internal gratification ~ doing things cause it is right and feels good in our own hearts to do a job well

Another tip or trick that works with me here when a child is developmentally ready and the only thing lacking is 'motivation' to actually train is using natural consequences for children as that motivation ... lets face it diapering or cleaning up an accident takes more TIME for everyone it is WHY we want children trained cause it is just quicker and easier ... so in my program once you have all the other skills for training and this is the 'expectation' of you now to use the bathroom if you tell me you have to go to the washroom I will save your spot at whatever activity you are doing or put your toy up so no one can have a turn while you run to the bathroom and go however if you soil your diaper or underwear and we have to change you than your turn at whatever activity or toy you were using at that time is DONE for the play period until everyone else has had a turn with it because well it is not fair for the other children to WAIT for the time it takes to change your diaper, clean up the mess from it and so forth ... this is not meant as punishment and is shared in a matter of fact normal voice tone and logical manner with children ... it MOTIVATES them to want to be trained because it is a currency that makes sense and they understand!

I suggest the same motivation technique at home for those clients feel the need to dangle a carrot in front of their child ... do not reward with food or stickers reward your children with your TIME ... if you are having to spend your time cleaning up accidents, doing laundry or steam cleaning little puddles off your carpets from accidents than you have less TIME with your children as a result ... make tthe reward for using the potty VISUAL for them by letting them choose something out of the 'TIME WITH PARENT JAR' that has special things in you like to do together in the evenings or on weekends and when they are using the potty all day than you choose something out of that to do with the FREE TIME that created by that mastery of the new skill ... if they had accidents no big deal, no need to punish or get angry just matter of fact at the end of the day you do not get to choose something out of that jar tonight cause well sorry but mama and daddy do not have the time today cause we had to be changing your diaper and cleaning up your mess all night .... natural, logical consequence and therefore motivation for a child to want to train .... because at the heart of it all children just want TIME with us

I use that same 'motivation' for supporting quiet time in the program with 'non nappers' ... I need quiet time to get my adult chores done and when they give me that time by laying quietly and resting than I have TIME in the afternoon to do fun activities like creative art, sensory or special things that they enjoy ~ if they do NOT give me that support than I do not have the time or energy to give them MY TIME later and they end up with quiet activities in the afternoon ... works like a charm!

[playfelt]

Sometimes it takes kindergarten registration which generally happens Jan-Feb to motivate the child to do it in the sense of telling them they can't go off to school in diapers - if you are big enough to go to school then you are big enough to wear underwear so if you want to go to school you need to get potty trained, give up the soother, give up the blanket, bottle, lovey, whatever vice they have held onto from infancy. It then becomes self initiated and that makes such a difference in success.

It also helps to motivate the parents to realize oh yeah this does need to happen first.....

[kidlove]

I dont nec agree that it is not our job to potty train, I think potty training is a part of a 2-3 year olds life skills and if that 2-3 year old is in our care for a vast majority I do believe it is our job to help guide them and take part in the training of the child. Same as any other skill, writing name, knowing alphabet, putting on coat, tying shoes, etc. However...It is not our job to initiate the training, IF we feel the child is ready or at the age for beginning we can bring it up to the parent, BUT if the parent is not on board...we should not be the ones to start the work. Not to mention, if a parent will not work with us, and do the same we do at our home, when they have their child at home with them? Our efforts are void! Don't waste your time trying to teach a child something the parents will not promote. Not only are you wasting your time but you will end up quite frustrated in the end and develope hard feelings toward the parents and the child if you haven't already. The only thing you can do is suggest they work with her, and other than that...stick to your contracts or policy (develope one if you dont already have one) regarding the age at which a child must be trained to stay in your care. Nobody wants to change a 3-4 year olds poopy diaper, it's rediculous IMO, and laziness on the child and parents part...unless there is some sort of learning delay. (the child, not the parent) ha ha !
Chances are this child has no interest because the parents don't, IF you can get them on board, she will follow quick! If not, don't waste your efforts.

[Momof4]

Ok, here are a few places I disagree. I don't love the daycare children like they are my own, that's an insult to how much I love my own children. However, I care very much about them and nurture and protect and teach and help the daycare children in every way every minute they are here with me, but I don't love them. They are only with me for a short time.

Also, I am the SECONDARY caregiver and I follow the parent's lead when it comes to discussing toilet learning and discipline and stages the child goes through so that we are being consistent at home and at daycare. This is discussed in detail at the interview and I tell the parents at that time that I will always ask them how they are proceeding with anything and I will follow suit and keep the child on track with anything so we are working together. But I'm super busy and don't have the time to waste until it's a part of a child's daily routine and life to go on the potty.

My suggestion is to talk about all of these things during the interview because I've learned that my daycare life and routines are much smoother if I don't take on clients who are going to make me feel like I'm smashing my head against a wall. I only sign on clients who know exactly how we are going to be working together and will have an open communication with me about everything.