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Nasty bitter
Hey everyone, happy new year.
So I have a 21 month old that wont stop pushing shoving bitting. When I first brought up the pushing and shoving they were in absolute shock that he did that were wanting to do anything to help make him stop. Saying he's never done it before. Lastweek I mentionned how he took my daughter's fingers, all five, put them in his mouth and bite down while she screamed till I yelled his name and said no. His dad says oh yeah we've had huge issue with that and have tried everything except bite him back. I said yes I don't know what else works. Today he bite my four year old son on the chest till he drew blood, and bite my ten month old daughtersfingers again nearly drawing blood. Wht would you ladies do? I'm debating sending him home for the day because of it. Any thoughts?
Thanks in advance
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Something like this I almost think of it as if... what would a teacher do at school. He'd probably be sent home.
If he inflicts so much pressure that he breaks skin I would send him home.
I would terminate if it were me. But we're all different, we all have different breaking points. I may try to shadow him for a week and see if that makes a difference, but my job is not to shadow one child. I understand they all go through phases, but, I can not personally handle 3 kids and a biter at the same time. Not in my house.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this... and the fact that you're not getting the full story from mom and dad makes it worse.
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Thanks apples and bananas, that's my thought. I have been shadowing him since the first incident he always does it like with my son when I was changing a diaper, or with my daughter when I ran to get a diaper for another child. I saw him grab her hand and said his name and no in a stern voice but he did it anyway. I'm getting close to terminating cause I can't have children go home with bloody bite marks. But they were willing to work with me except bite him back to show him it hurts. Ugh
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If I was you, I would give the parents a set date to see an improvement and if not, then termination.
Also, if he is doing it at times when you can't give him all your attention, then I would put him somewhere where he can't get to the children. So, either put him in a playpen or strap him in a highchair. I had two biters, and this is what I did at any time I couldn't keep my eyes on them and shadow them. It did curb their biting for a while and if they started bitin again once I stopped containing them, then I did the containment for a couple of weeks until they understood that they don't get to have fun because they bite, etc...
Also, whenever they bit, they got seperated from their friends and had a time out while I paid attention to the child who got bit.
I was also up front with the parents that I did this, and they were fine with it.
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Thanks bookworm, I did put him in a time out both times. Its the same with his hitting and shoving he laughs. He thinks it's funny to hurt others. He's a big solid boy and easily pushes my four year olds around.
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 Originally Posted by mommy
thanks bookworm, i did put him in a time out both times. Its the same with his hitting and shoving he laughs. He thinks it's funny to hurt others. He's a big solid boy and easily pushes my four year olds around.
next......
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He is a bully plain and simple and it does not speak well for the future. Parents rarely realize that they actually end up teaching some of the bad behaviours - due to play fighting, wrestling, teasing, pretending to bite toes or nibble on fingers or nose, cute for a few months not when child is old enough to understand.
I believe in teaching kids to stand up for themselves in the face of bullies - not being the agressor or bully but in not taking it from a bully. That means your son has the right to put out his arms to stop the child from coming near him. When peers start to isolate the child it can be very effective too - you can then help them to see that our friends won't play with us when we are mean.
Call the behaviour mean and tell him we don't be mean to our friends. He needs to know exactly what the no is referring to. You don't say if he is an only child or not. If he is showing the same behaviours directed at his parents and not just peers then for sure you are dealing with a family that needs help. It is something they will need to address since they have more options for discipline than you do.
It also sounds like it wasn't an issue at home - assuming they were telling the truth and now it is. Something has likely changed and he is not happy about it. Finding out what precipitated the start might give clues how to change the behaviours too.
On a should child continue in care is up to you. If you can institute a plan so that he does not have access to any of the other children when you are not right there while you all work through the issue then it might be possible. If there is no improvement even with you and parents working for the next couple of weeks then it is likely time to consider terminating. I say a couple weeks because it gives you time to rule out teething, oral issues and that it is pure behaviour.
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I have had a couple of biters, one of which started biting very frequently at about 15 months. I worked with his parents on a consistent plan of time-outs and teaching gentle touching. But what helped the most was when we started giving him his soother all day long instead of just at naptime...it was out of desparation as we had tried a teething ring attached to his shirt and that didn't work. Next step would have been termination and parents had been warned, but the soother worked! he only needed it for a couple of weeks and then we weaned him off of it and he rarely bit after that. Having the soother in his mouth prevented him from biting and gave him the oral stimulation he needed. If the child takes a soother at all, I would suggest it. Soothers are not ideal, but better that than having kids go home with bite marks. If the parents are not working on it with you then I would just terminate as it is unlikely to improve.
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I had an angelic looking 2 1/2 year old girl in my daycare in my first year of business but she was the most violent child I've ever seen in my life. The parents said she never behaved that way at home and it must have been me. I tried timeouts but she threw tantrums like you couldn't believe. Thankfully, she was small so I could lift her into a booster chair and I just let her thrash until she was tired.
It was complete insanity. I terminated. Sometimes we have to know when we can't go on. Maybe they can find a caregiver who can control him. Think of your daycare without this child and how happy you will be. Advertise now and replace them.
Frederick Douglass
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
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try giving him somthing to bite into, like styrofoam, that leaves his teeth marks so he can see what happens
try giving him a toy baby to bite into and tell him he is allowed to bite into that
make a game of bitting stuff, hard stuff, soft stuff, cloths etc.....
and the best is to shadow him, hold his hand every single moment, changing a diaper? bring him with you and sit him down while you change the diaper, and casualy tell him, "sweetie, I know this is borring not being able to go play with your friends, but when you stop bitting you'll be able to go"
do this for a week, he will be soooo borred out of his mind of doing nothing all day, he might realise bitting isnt so fun after all!
good luck
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