18 month old behaviour issue

[sunnydays]

I am a new provider and I have had an 18 month old in my care for the past three months. She had difficulty adjusting, but after the first 6 weeks, she has been great. I added two more kids at one month intervals who are doing well (plus I have my own two). Last week the 18 month old starting behaving very agressively to my 10 month old; every time she sees her she squeals "noooooo" and either kicks or tries to hit her (on Friday she actually slapped her in the face for no reason). I gave her a time-out, although I am not sure if that is effective at this age. This week I have taken a new tactic and I am giving her zero attention for it, just physically stopping her whithout making eye contact or talking because I have been thinking that she is doing it to get attention since we had a new child start last week. She is still doing it, but I am going to continue for the rest of the week like this and see if it improves. Any suggestions on how to deal with this type of behaviour would be appreciated!

[Sarah A]

I had an issue with bitting, hitting and i found there wasn't much that I could do to prevent it from happening. If the child was angry/frustrated, it was going to happen if i wasn't around. So I decided to have her always with me. If I was changing a diaper, she would have to come, and if I had to prepare lunch, she had to be there with me. This stage will pass and didn't find time outs to be working so I decided that prevention was the key. She is not old enough to communicate to another child with words so she gets her way but doing these things.
HTH!

[gcj]

yeah, the velcro technique that Sarah mentioned is probable the best bet for prevention. And as you said, not giving her attention for the bad acts, but perhaps make sure she's getting some nice time with you at other moments. Some recomforting....that 's not a word, is it?! LOL comforting and reassurance....

[mom-in-alberta]

Agression is the only thing that I really give the under 2 year old set a "time out" for. I am not okay with hitting, biting, etc and feel that it needs to be communicated immediately. They are removed from the other children, to a seat in the same room and told firmly "We do not (bite, hit, push). (Hitting, biting, etc) HURTS." Then they sit for a minute. I have had very good effectiveness so far. They are not shamed, screamed at, or given any attention whatsoever. They do realize very quickly, that it is not an effective way of communicating or getting attention!
Does it still happen once in a while? Yup, because they are still learning. But it seems to work for us.
And until she figures it out and you can "trust" that nothing is going to happen when you are more than an arms length away, I would absolutely keep her with you everywhere. Its not fair to the other kids if they feel afraid when she's around.
On that note, make sure none of the other little ones are bothering her and are just flying under your radar!! She may just be pushing/hitting/kicking BACK. Or if it's happened in the past, then she might be thinking "I'll get you, before you can get me." When my boys were growing up, I was constantly giving the oldest one trouble about being more caring/kind to his little brother. Only to watch a teeny bit closer and see that my not quite one year old was totally instigating! He would do things to get his brother going, and then wail when our oldest retaliated. Tricky boy.

[mamaof4]

In the under 2 set Time Outs are really not that effective IMO and in my area they are not allowed for kids under 2 anyway.

My 18month old is getting more spirited as well. I think part of it is learning boundaries etc.

When she does something inappropriate I make a big deal of the kid/dog/cat that she did it to "oh sweetie are you ok?" etc lots of hugs while not rewarding my 18m/o with attention etc.

[sunnydays]

It is improving, so I am thinking that the lack of attention it is getting her is working. If she actually hits again I will still give her a time-out because I think it did get her attention. mamaof4, what did you mean by saying that time-outs are not allowed?? Are you with an agency and that is their rule?

[mamaof4]

It is improving, so I am thinking that the lack of attention it is getting her is working. If she actually hits again I will still give her a time-out because I think it did get her attention. mamaof4, what did you mean by saying that time-outs are not allowed?? Are you with an agency and that is their rule?

No- in the US in illinois specifically the child welfare agency DCFS does not allow time outs for children under 2 in licensed day cares.

[sunnydays]

Wow! Do they give a reason for this rule?

No- in the US in illinois specifically the child welfare agency DCFS does not allow time outs for children under 2 in licensed day cares.

[playfelt]

Do they give a definition of what constitutes "time out"? In the sense that we use a version of it from infancy when we put a child in a playpen or their highchair who won't stop playing with the plugs or climbing on the couch while we need to make lunch or whatever. Where is the line drawn between safety and time out.

[mom-in-alberta]

Do they give a definition of what constitutes "time out"? In the sense that we use a version of it from infancy when we put a child in a playpen or their highchair who won't stop playing with the plugs or climbing on the couch while we need to make lunch or whatever. Where is the line drawn between safety and time out.

My question exactly.... I think the term "time out" has been overused, and in many senses it has been given a very negative connotation. Some people lock kids in a dark room and call it a time out! Not cool. Some people (like myself), simply mean removing the child from the situation, and giving them (and the other kids) some time to unwind.
I am sorry if I offend anyone, because to each their own, but I just think that there is only so many times that we can say "No, sweetheart, we don't do that!". Sometimes there needs to be a little more of an "interruption" in the behaviour. I do welcome other people's opinions though, because that's what we are all here for, right?